You Again

66

*Fani's POV*

It was a very casual Saturday. Usually, I woke up very late in the morning cause Eric is not home & I make my own rules in the house. But, today, I wake up early in the morning because Eric is home & he wakes me up by jumping on my bed. I wonder what is in Eric's mind? He never even really change this past few years. No wonder he never had a girlfriend before.

Last night was a very intense night for me. After what I did with Jake & the voicemessages I got from Niall, I can't even sleep for hours till' almost 4a.m. I kept thinking about what am I gonna do. I'm only eight-teen & in a few months I'm gonna graduate. And I already have complicated, difficult love life. It always happen to me. Eventhough I only had one boyfriend but I have a few crushes. And all of them rejected me & one cheated on me.

Maybe today will be better? But, it will not make my problems from yesterday solve just like that. This is my problem. And all of them are my fault. I should've not listen to Niall's conversation yesterday. If I haven't, I wouldn't be in this situation & I won't make things like I did with Jake.

No. I don't want to call it as cheating. I hate that word. I don't want to admit that I cheated on Niall. Whether if it's my fault or not. I don't want to say the word. Not even & not ever.

I went into the bathroom & I stripped myself. I looked into the mirror & look at myself. I have eyebags under my eyes. Ugh. This was all because of yesterday. Plus, all the crying yesterday, now my eyes looks bloated.

I washed my face with cold water repeatedly but it doesn't make much of a different. My eyes still looks worst. If Eric sees this, he will ask me questions non stop. I hate it when he do that. Sometime, Eric is so annoying when he tries to be an overprotective brother.

I turned the shower on & turn it into cold cause I want my face looks fresh & not tired infront of Eric. Not just Eric but for everyone else to see just incase.

The cold water always shivers my spine. It felt really calm. Thank God it makes me feel calm. If not, I would've done something wrong to calm myself. Maybe selfharm. But, no. I wouldn't do that. I maybe naive & stupid about some things. But I know what's right & what's wrong. And selfharm is wrong. Even if you feel like you're not beautiful or fat, selfharm just makes it worst. You need to feel beautiful about yourself. Cause, self confidence is the best outfit someone could wear.

I wrapped my naked body with a towel & went out of the bathroom.

Wow, it's so cold yet, so fresh! I love the feeling of freshness after having a very good, cold shower. It makes me so happy. For a while........

"Fani! Breakfast is ready!" Eric called me out from the kitchen, downstairs.

"Okay!" I replied him. I looked at my face in the mirror infront of my closet & thinking how am I gonna hide my obvious & bloated eyes from Eric? Hmmm.....

Oooh, I know! Just alittle bit of make up would do.

So, I took my concealer & tap it with my fingers. I put alittle bit of eyeliner on my eyelid to give it an illusion.

I looked at myself in the mirror again. I sigh a relieve. It looks better than I expected it would be. My eyesbags are literally unseen & my puffy eyes have been covered with eyeliner that I put. It looks perfect. I smiled abit. It's a good feeling to smile today. Other than yesterday, I haven't smile for a day. And now that I am smiling even just abit, it makes me feel alittle bit better.

I climbed downstairs slowly & walked straight to the kitchen. When I was walking, I saw Eric sat behind the dinner table, drinking coffee while reading e-newspapers on his tablet. Why can't he just buy newspapers instead of damaging his eyes with that tablet thingy? It's better than just sitting on a couch being fatter & fatter, buying things online without even make a single move other than your finger sliding this, sliding that. Tapping this, tapping that.