You Again

16

*Niall's POV*

After having a "conversation" with Tessa for not more than three minutes, I realised that it's almost 1 a.m.

Oh No. Mother will kill me. But, why do I even care mother would kill me or not? Today is already a miserable day & it's boring. I got called into the office for punching a douchebag & worst, I met Tessa. I said it worst cause having Tessa besides me makes my heart flutters at the same time heartbroken.

Fluttered cause Tessa always besides me & she always makes me happy. Heartbroken cause it's not real. It's just an illusion. All the conversation I had with Tessa just an illusion.

I walked towards my car & drove all the way to my house silently. I parked my car infront of my house. I didn't switched my car lights on cause I don't want mother to wake with the light opened. It's impossible that mother still up at this time of the morning. I mean, it's 1 in the fucking morning. She's just to old for staying up this late. She's to tired.

I unlocked the locked wooden door using my key house. I turned it slowly so that I wouldn't make a sound. When the door opened, it squeaked a little bit louder. Hope mother didn't here that.

I tip toed on the way to the stairs & I saw that the living room light was still switched on. But, I ignored it. Hope mother is still asleep.

"Where have you been Mr. Niall James Horan?" Mother suddenly popped out of nowhere from the living room with crossed arms.

"Err...I was....I was at the lake." I scratched behind my head.

"The lake? At this time of the morning?" Mother asked me with an angry tone.

"Mother, it's just the lake. Nowhere else." I waved my hand signing no.

"I've been worried sick about you. I've waited for you for like more than 5 hours worrying & Mr. Harper called that you've been punching some boy just for stealing somebody's locker? What the hell was that?!" Mother's voice getting louder.

"Mom! It's not just a locker. It's Tessa's. Besides, his being an asshole anyway." I explained....I think.

"So you punched him cause his being an asshole. Is that what its all about? Just him being an asshole? Niall! What's wrong with you?!" Mother almost screamed.

"Mom! His using Tessa's locker. That made me angry. No one can touch things that belong to Tessa!" I called mother "mom" for the first time.

"NIALL! Tessa's gone for almost about four & a half months ago! You've got to move on. The more you can't forget about her, the more you will become worst. Just like today! You've never came home this late before & you've never talked back to me. NIALL! This changes you! You've got to move on!" Mother said.

"What with all this people asking me to move on?!" I pulled my hair.

"MOM! You will never understand the miserable I've been feeling in my heart for the rest of four months. You will never understand how it is to feel really miserable & sad all day because the love of your life is gone forever. She's gone mother. Tessa's gone. Everyday when I missed her, I closed my eyes & she always appears besides me & always talk to me, giving me advice or talk something wise to make me feel better. But, when I realise all that is not true, all that was just my imagination, my already shattered heart have been shattered more. My heart almost shattered into dust. Bjt, imagining her talking to me, giving me wise words of advice, makes my heart feels alittle bit better. I felt like my heart can be formed again. Do yoy know how that feels? Do you know how it feels like when your heart is formed bits by bits eventhough it takes a long time to heal, but it feels so new. Do you know how that feels mother? No. No you don't & you will never feel that way." I loose my breath trying to explain the things I've trying to explain to alot of people to. But, theg won't listen. Even when they do, they will never understand cause they never been in this kind of situation before.

"Niall....I....I'm." Mother stuttered.

"I knew it. You wouldn't understand." I said walking towards the stairs.

"I do. I do actually." Mother suddenly said. I stopped half way.

"I may never know how it feels like to loose someone you love with all your life forever but I know how it feels to be miserable like you feel right now." Mother said softening her voice.

"What do you mean?" I asked with a furrowed on my face.

"When I had you, your father didn't want to take the responsibility. I tried to begged him. I even kneeled down infront of him. I have no one. My parents kicked me out cause they think I'm dirty. Do parents want their seventeen year old daughter to be pregnant? No! Parents rather have their daughter partying & get drunk all night then having their daughter to be pregnant. My parents once told me to miscarriged but I wouldn't. I couldn't & you werw born. I'm grateful for that." Mother trying to explained.

"What's your point?" I asked.

"My point is that I am truly madly deeply inlove with your father & I still am. When your father humiliated me infront of my parents by pushing me to the grown, I realised that this is now my life. I have to move on. My parents didn't helped me with anything till' now. I've been raising you alone since then. I've been sick all the time thinking about your father & I had been hillucinating to just like you. I almost got crazy about that & I've teached myself to move on from that frechet life of mine." Mother explaining.

I still don't understand what she's trying to say.

"My other point is, do you want to stay this was forever? Do you want to stay this was till' you're crazy? You have to move on! Tessa's gone & you have to except that even with a heavy heart! I want my son back. My sweet, always hungry & happy & funny Niall James Horan back." I understand her point.

Yes. Really. I do understand her point. She's right though. I hate it when mother telling me something right. But when Tessa's name came out in the conversation, my heart shatters again.

"Mom....Mother." I correct myself.

"No. No! I can't! I just can't! Mark my words mother. Mark my words I will never let go of Tessa even if she's a ghost or just a soul. I will never, ever let her go!" I can't. I just can't. I will never be in this phase.

Yet.