It's All So Beautiful *Roger Taylor Fanfic*

My World Is Spinning And Spinning And Spinning

A/N: Okay I just want to point out that this chapter and the previous chapter were exceptionally difficult for me to write because I suffer with anxiety myself but I wanted to make awareness of the disorder. Please, if you are suffering with anxiety or panic attacks, please talk to someone. I'm always here 😊~ QueenIsLife13

*May 15th 1975*
Roger had been off the cigarettes for about a week because he knew it bothered me and he didn't want to damage the kids' lungs. I woke up late that same morning and got out of bed. I got dressed, brushed my hair and my teeth. I went to the kids' cribs but they weren't there so I figured Roger brought them downstairs.

I went downstairs into the kitchen. The kids were sitting in their bouncers. They looked drowsy. Their bottles were on the table, half empty. I didn't know where Roger was. I checked out the front of the house and he was no where in sight. I went across the road to Freddie, Roger wasn't there. I rang Brian, he hadn't seen Roger all day. I started to panic and because of my anxiety, a simple worry turned into a monstrous anxiety attack. I could feel my heartbeat in my ears and I was losing my balance. It felt like I was underwater. I was finding it hard to breath. I caught my breath and shouted for help but none came. I tried to run back inside but my legs wouldn't move. Freddie bursted out from his house and ran to help me. He was asking me questions and trying to talk to me but I couldn't reply. I could see Roger coming down the road. I expected the panic attack to subside but it was just as strong. Until I was in Rogers arms, my head was spinning.

I sat on the couch, cracking my knuckles while Roger was sitting opposite me, looking at the floor. I cleared my throat and he looked up. "I'm sorry about that Roger." I mumbled. I felt like I had embarrassed him in front of Freddie. It felt like Freddie was thinking: "he's married a mad woman." I knew I was just paranoid but it didn't stop me thinking. "Its okay. Don't be sorry." He replied after a few minutes. The tension in the air was incredibly strong and we both felt awkward. I put my head in my hands, knowing I couldn't live like this, embarrassing myself in front of everyone. I didn't want to leave the house ever again.

Roger was about to go to the studio when he invited me along last minute. I brought the kids too, hoping they would be a distraction and I wouldn't freak out with worry. I hoped Roger would have gotten used to it by now but I myself hadn't even accepted it so I didn't expect him to either. I didnt want to embarrass him. I didn't care about me, I just didn't want to cause him any distress. I hated this.

We arrived at the studio. It took us longer than usual because we had to walk. Roger was still heartbroken over his car. When we went to the recording booth, Brian was in the mixing room and Freddie and John were in the booth. "Hey Megan, hows things?" Asked Brian. "Things are good, you?" I asked. "Oh great. We're planning the wedding now, it's coming along great." He said. "I'm glad to hear that Brian, you deserve all the happiness in the world." I told him. He smiled. "Are you better?" He asked. I gave him a puzzled look. "Roger said you found out you were ill, are you okay now?" He said. "Oh. Um, well it wasn't really an illness.... it's more of a disorder really..." I mumbled, knowing I shouldn't have told him. "What is it?" He asked, softly. "Anxiety." I replied. "Oh dear, I hope you're okay." He said. "Well, I am," I started. "But Roger, well I don't think he's able to handle it. I mean I've haf a panic attack every night since we found out. And its always when we're in bed. He can't cuddle me or anything because I start shaking. There today-" my voice broke. "Its okay Megan..." he said, putting his hand on mine. "I'm sorry..." I said wiping my eyes. "There today, he went to the shop when I woke up and he wasn't home, remember I called you? And I went over to Freddie and asked him, he didn't see him so I started to worry and I felt dizzy and I couldn't breathe. Freddie had to physically pick me up until Roger came and then I was fine. I'm afraid he might find me too clingy..." I finished. "Megan," Brian said. "Roger, of all people is definitely a very accepting person. He can handle anything. Your illness doesn't bother him like that, trust me. All that matters to him is that you're okay. And don't worry, if anyone's clingy, it's Roger. He's looking out for you. I know it." "Thanks Bri. I appreciate that." I said. "Its no problem. So how are you guys?!" He said to the twins. He picked up Elly Mae and cradled her. "Ahh I missed you." He whispered to her. Roger came out from the booth. "Brian, Freddie wants you for a minute." He told him. Brian handed Elly Mae to Roger carefully, winked at me and then went into the booth.

"So.... how's recording going?" I asked Roger, awkwardly. "Yeah, it's going okay. We're nearly done Bohemian Rhapsody or whatever its called. Brian has a song idea so we're getting somewhere." Said Roger. "Good." I replied. Roger rubbed Elly's back. "Megan...." he said, slowly. I looked up from holding Aidan. "Um, please don't take this the wrong way. I want you to know that I'm one hundred per cent looking out for you when I say this. I think, maybe, you should go to the doctor and maybe get some medication or a coping mechanism." I sighed. "Does it bother you that much?" I asked. "No! It's not me I'm thinking about. Its you. Please Megan, don't make this difficult for you." I could nearly sense the lying. I knew it annoyed Roger. Of course it did.

"I'll go tomorrow." I said. He smiled. "Good." "There might not be anything they can do..." I said. "They might be able to do something." He replied. "Roger, I'm sorry it had to happen now." I said. "Megan. Don't do that please. I don't mind. I swear. It's okay." He told me. I felt like at this stage maybe he was telling me the truth. I hugged him. "I love you." I said. "I love you too." He replied.

He walked back into the studio after Freddie called him. I sat smiling looking at him play the drums. Suddenly I felt a feeling in my heart, a feeling I was all too familiar with. I put the kids down for a second while I tried to catch my breath. I was struggling to breath and I was losing my balance. I fell off the chair with a thud. I heard Brian run in and ask me if I we okay. He picked me up and I fell unconscious.

I was waking up from a brief state of unconsciousness when I heard Roger say: "I can't take this anymore! I can't cope with it. What am I going to do with her?" And my heart fell.