It's All So Beautiful *Roger Taylor Fanfic*

Fight From The Inside

*1st of July 1980*

I hadn't been able to sleep after what Brian had told me about Roger. I felt like it was my duty to make sure he was okay, even though we weren't married. I knew he would blame me for all that happened to him, since this did all fire up after he moved away.

Queen had just released their newest album titled The Game. I went out and purchased it immediately, although checking to see if Roger wrote any songs so that I could avoid them. He had only written two songs, Rock It and Coming Soon so I didn't listen to those. However, I adored the album as a whole, infatuated with Save Me, a song which I had heard a demo of from Brian a few month beforehand.

After listening to The Game, I was in a Queen mood, a mood I rarely found myself in these days.

So I ran upstairs that day while the kids were at school and Luke was napping, and fished out my old Queen records, old because I hadn't listened to them in a while.

I started with "Queen" making sure to skip "Modern Times Rock 'n' Roll" and "My Fairy King" because both contained a lot of Rogers voice. The whole album contained a lot of Rogers voice....

Queen II was next. Once again, I avoided The Loser In The End. Other songs had a lot of Roger singing in them but they were good songs so I couldn't bear to skip them.

I skipped many songs, Tenement Funster, In The Lap Of The Gods, even Bohemain Rhapsody, but I was in the kitchen when I'm In Love With My Car started, and once I heard Rogers voice, I couldn't stop listening.

It brought back memories of when Roger wasn't how he was now, when we were both so in love.

Told my girl, I'd have to forget her, rather buy me a new cartburettor

"More like "rather have sex with another woman..." I thought to myself.

I took A Night At The Opera off the turntable and placed the needle onto A Day At The Races. Thankfully, "Drowse" was one of the last songs on the album so I didn't have to listen to it in theory, but when it came on, I couldn't pull myself away from it. I listened and felt tears prickle my eyes as it came to "out here on the street, we gather and meet...." because that was always my favourite part of the song.

After A Day At The Races, I played News Of The World. I had never heard it before, because when it was released Roger and I weren't talking. What else is new?

I never checked if Roger wrote any songs on that album so I was unaware I would hear his voice again in Sheer Heart Attack and Fight From The Inside.

You can't win with your hands tied..

A sudden anger washed over me and I yanked the record off the turntable and threw it against the wall, regretting my actions instantly and checking to see if it was okay.

Surprisingly, it stayed in tact and I sighed with relief.

I heard the phone ring so I ran to answer it. It was Brian again.

"Hey Brian, what's up?"

"Oh just wondering if you bought the album?"

"Of course I did," I said. "I think it's great Brian."

"Thanks. Favourite Song?"

"Hmm.... I liked Dragon Attack..... a lot.. but my favourite was probably... Save Me."

"Roger actually figured out what the song was about.."

"Oh did he? What did he say?"

"He was.... angry... to say the least. Annoyed that I used his life as inspiration to write a song."

I frowned. "He should be happy with something like that."

"Yeah. Anyways did you listen to Rock It?"

"No I didn't." I said.

"Why not?"

"I can't. I don't want to hear anything written by him. I can't even listen to any songs he ever wrote. Drowse being the hardest..."

"Oh. Well, I think, only if you want to, that you should come over here."

"What? For what?"

"I haven't seen you in a while. I miss you."

"Brian, we talk nearly everyday.... you can't miss me." I laughed.

"Well, I haven't seen you. There's a difference."

"Hmm. I'll think about it. But only if Rogers not there."

"Of course." He said.

"Anyways, I better get going. I have to get the kids from school."

"Okay. Tell them I said hi."

I quickly tidied up all the records, so that the kids wouldn't see them. I didn't want them to be reminded of Roger and upset. Although, I couldn't bear to take any pictures of him down.

I collected the kids and their teacher talked to me.

"Hi Mrs.... Taylor isn't it?"

"Uhh, just Megan. Megan Michelson."

"Oh. That makes sense."

"What?"

"Well," she said. "I was just going to express my concern that Elly Mae and Aidan seem... distant and upset."

"Oh. Well their dad and I got divorced and he moved away from England. They don't see him anymore."

"I'm sorry to hear that. It's having a bad effect on the kids."

"I know and it breaks my heart. But they'll just have to be without him I guess."

We arrived home and I started to get food ready for the kids. Aidan immediately headed upstairs and into the bathroom. I assumed he had an upset stomach or something.

We all ate dinner that night and the kids told me about school and I talked to them about what their teacher and I discussed.

"We're all going to have to just get over dad okay?"

Elly looked sad but she nodded.

"Because it doesn't look like he's coming back." I said.

Aidan continued to eat his dinner and didn't contribute to the conversation of Roger. I knew it hurt but he needed to talk about him.

"What do you think Aidan?" I asked.

He shrugged his shoulders.

That night I put the kids to bed and cleaned up the house. I was finishing some papers for work when I couldn't find a pen in the kitchen.

So I went upstairs to the kids' room to get one of their felt tip pens. But they all seemed to be wasted. I didn't understand how. Neither of them wrote outside of school. I found a dark blue one that had some ink left so I took that, checking for any scribbles along the wall, finding none. I couldn't figure it.

What were they using them for?