It's All So Beautiful *Roger Taylor Fanfic*

I Used To Think That The Day Would Never Come

*April 5th 1983*

Roger took off very early that morning without saying goodbye. I opened one eye as he left through our bedroom door and sighed to myself. Placing my hand on my stomach, I felt a pain through my chest. I wanted a baby more than ever.

I managed to continue through the day and get the kids up and ready. They were off school for their Easter holidays and I wanted to spend some time with them. I also had to go into town to buy the concert tickets.

Aidan and Elly, my little boy and girl, were getting so big now. They would be nine years old in a few days and I couldn't fathom how much time I had let pass by.

We all headed into the town to get a few things, including the tickets. Luke asked if we could see Roger in the studio. I didn't think he would mind so we went on in. Musicland, the studio, was big and spacious. It was in the basement of a huge hotel.

Tensions were... high in the recording studio. I couldn't hear much music being played. I saw Brian storming out of the studio in a huff, discarding his Red Special. Freddie lit up a cigarette and let the smoke gently release from his mouth. I couldn't see John.

Roger, my dear husband, was sitting on a chair with his legs crossed and arms folded. His eyes were closed and he looked very peaceful. The tapping of his foot to an imaginary beat was the only sound to be heard through the studio.

I gently cleared my throat to get his attention and his eyes opened quickly. He stood up and made his way over to us.

"What're you doing here?" He asked me.

"Well..  Luke wanted to see you, didn't you?" I replied.

Roger glanced down at Luke and then back up at me.

"It's not really the best time.. I'll be home later, okay?" He said, lifting my hand and stroking it.

"Is everything alright?" I asked, letting go of his hand.

"Fine. See you later." He said before turning and going back into the studio. It felt like he was hiding something.

I sighed and left Musicland, returning home with the kids. As we passed the record shop, I headed in and bought New Orders' newest album for Aidan.

A few hours later, Roger was home and looked exhausted.

"Hey honey, how are you?" I asked him, while handing Luke some lunch.

"Fine."

"Roger..?" I asked.

"What?"

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Why do you keep asking me? I'm fine!" He raised his voice.

I decided to just leave it rather than risk another fight.

I went up the stairs to Aidan's room where he and Elly were listening to the new record I bought for them.

"Hey guys, what're you up to?" I asked sitting on the floor beside them.

"Listening to the new record you bought. It's really good." Elly told me.

"Yeah thanks mum." Aidan piped up.

I heard footsteps up the stairs.

"What are you guys listening to?" Roger asked curiously.

"Ehh....." said Aidan checking the back of it. "Power, Corruption and Lies by New Order."

"That band again..." Roger said almost disappointed.

"Are you jealous?" I asked, laughing, although I meant it.

Roger shot me a look before replying, "no."

I looked at him suspiciously and then announced I was bringing Aidan to the concert.

"Why? Why would you bring him?" Roger asked after he dragged me into our bedroom.

"Because. New Order are Aidan's favourite band. He wants to see them. He asked."

Roger looked at the ground.

"I don't want you going." He said.

"Why not?" I asked, my voice getting shrill.

"Because!" He shouted before sitting on the bed.

"Roger, if you're jealou-"

"I'm not. We.... we're moving. Again." He said.

"What? To where?" I asked.

"Los Angeles."

"But... but we just got here. The kids are settled in and... we're all happy. I don't understand."

"We can't work in that studio anymore. We're in the bottom of a massive hotel. Did you know hundreds of people kill themselves off that building every year? We can't live like this anymore. And as well as that, Hot Space is still looming over us.."

When he mentioned the album, he shuddered.

"I understand... but we can't leave. I'm sorry." I told him.

"Why are you always like this? You have to learn to not get attached to places!" He shouted.

"Okay. We'll move. But don't expect the kids to not hate you from dragging them away from their friends.. Again!"

I left our bedroom and slammed the door behind me.

I didn't want to move. I was happy in Munich. For once. I hated Roger for making us leave everywhere we went. How would we raise a family when we were practically living out of a suitcase?

All the while I couldn't help but want to make love to Roger and hopefully have a baby. The chances were slim to none but I still wanted to try. For Freddie at least.

But the closeness between myself and Roger was diminishing and I felt so far from him. Every night he turned away on his side from me.

Was this it? Was I going to have to live me life like this forever? Constantly falling out with my husband?

I wanted to be loved and I wanted to give love. But I wasn't sure if it was possible with Roger any more. We had been through so much together but it was starting to feel like a waste.

I didn't know what to do any more.

It felt like the end of something.