It's All So Beautiful *Roger Taylor Fanfic*

As It Began

*20th of July 1978*

Roger and I had finally made up. Even after we made love there was still some awkwardness. It made me disappointed and upset that he didn't want me to return to work when it was the only thing on my mind. I still had the kids to take care of and they weren't old enough to attend school yet. Elly and Aidan would start primary school in September of next year because they were only four. They went to their daycare most days but it was closed for the summer.

Even though Roger and I had two babies before, Luke was the hardest of all. He cried and cried. He cried for nothing and I didn't know what to do. Chrissie was coming to me for advice but I couldn't help her when I didn't know myself. I was up all night with him and I couldn't swap with Roger because he always had to be up early the next morning.

I found that when Roger was in the studio, he drank a lot of alcohol. He would come home partially drunk some evenings. I knew he liked to drink but this was ridiculous. He never did anything to harm us but it could be traumatic for the kids. They laughed at him but I didn't want their memories of their dad to be of him constantly drunk.

Whenever I tried to confront Roger, an argument would start. He was very defensive and made it seem like he didn't have a problem. I had enough. It was getting out of hand. I understood that Roger was a rock star now and I understood he was going out partying every night.

But I did not understand how he could drink when we had small kids at home.

He always used "you're just jealous" as the reason why his drinking upset me so much. However, I only drank a few times every year. So his argument was invalid.

No matter the circumstances, Roger would come home every evening pissed. At first it was funny, but it started to get dangerous. Roger would call himself a "terrible person" or fall to the floor and hurt himself. I was worried he was drinking to help him escape his life.

*21st of July 1978*

I woke up that morning and turned to my left. Roger was completely passed out because of course, he had been drinking the night before. I checked the time and it was 10:30am. I got out of bed, brought the kids downstairs and gave them their breakfast. I dressed them and got them ready for the day. By the time I was finished it was 12:30 and Roger still wasn't out of bed. I went up to him to see how he was and he was still passed out.

I was playing with the kids when I heard a knock at the door. I opened it and it was Brian with Jimmy.

I brought him inside and sat him down in the kitchen. "So what's up?" I asked him. "Well I'm here because I want to let you know that I'm kind of concerned about Rogers drinking."

"Oh. I know, so am I. Can you guys not do anything to help him? Stop him maybe?"

"Well me and John try, but Freddie drinks a lot and Roger doesn't see any problem with it if Freddie does it." Brian informed me.

"Brian?" I asked. "Yeah?" "Does Roger... so any drugs?"

I heard him swallow. "Well, he's... tired marijuana before but he wasn't well after it and as far as I know he never did it again... but in relation to other drugs... I don't know what he does. But the drugs aren't his problems... it's the drink. He's always late for recording. He tries to match Freddie but deep down he's a lightweight. He's not able for it."

"What should I do Brian? I don't know what to do...." I said, tears welling in my eyes. Brian put his arm around me. "Hey, hey, don't cry... we'll help him. All of us. Me, you, John, Veronica, Chrissie, Freddie.... we'll get him the help he needs. We won't rest until he's okay." I looked at Brian. He had a concerned expression on his face. I wiped my eyes. "Ugh what am I like?" I said, laughing. "Thanks Brian." I said and I meant it.

Brian and I talked for a while after that. He told me what he thought of parenthood and he asked me for advice about Jimmy.

Before he left he told me once again, he would do everything to make sure Roger was okay. I really hoped he would.

It started to get late in the day so I went upstairs to Roger.

He was lying down in bed but his eyes were closed. I went over to him. "Roger?" I asked. He turned his head to look at me but he winced in pain. "What's wrong?" I asked, getting on my knees so that my face was in line with his. He put his hand to his head. "My head hurts..." he mumbled. His voice was barely audible and very raspy. Raspier than usual.

I went downstairs to get him paracetamol and sighed as I filled a glass with water. Should I even be helping him?

I gave him his pain relief and sat on the bed beside him. "How much did you drink last night?" I asked. "Oh love, I don't know," he said. "A lot."

"See Roger, this is why I have a problem with you drinking. You're making yourself miserable. It's not worth it the next day is it? Even Brian is concerned. He was over here this morning and he said all of us will do everything to hel-"

"Why are you all always on my case? I'm fine! I don't need help. I'm not a child! I know when I've had enough! Just tell everyone to stop interfering. It's my life. I don't need anyone to help me!"

I sighed and looked at the ground.

"I'm sorry. Megan, I know you mean well but, I don't need the help. I'm not an alcoholic. Im careful."

I had to get it off my chest.

"Roger, Brian told me you tried marijuana before..."

"Megan, I swear, that was years ago, back when we were only starting! And I could never do it again! It was horrible! I swear I don't do any drugs."

"Promise?" I asked. "I promise you."

"Look Roger. We all want you to stop drinking so excessively. Please. It's putting a toll on your health and family life. Please Roger."

Roger looked away. "Megan, I've told you already I don't have a problem! I don't need help! Drinking isn't going to kill me! It's just a bit of fun! Do you not want me to have a good time, is that it?"

"Roger! Just forget it." I stood up and walked out of the room.

I went downstairs to the kids and sat with them. "Mummy?" Aidan asked. "Where's daddy?"

"Daddys not feeling well at the moment." I told him, hoping he wouldn't ask anything else. "Is he still drunk mummy?" Asked Elly. "No no he's not drunk anymore." I said.

It hurt me that the kids knew exactly why Roger wasn't downstairs, playing with them, like he should be. It was times like this when I wished he hadn't joined Queen. It was becoming a bad influence on him. I just wished he would stop. Or I would stop it myself.