It's All So Beautiful *Roger Taylor Fanfic*

I'll Erase The Memory

*December 5th 1977*
**Megan's POV**

It had been incredibly difficult adapting to my life without Roger. Him being on tour made it worse. I couldn't even try and patch things up because he wasn't around. I wasn't sure if he wanted to anyways.

I had both Elly and Aidan. Minding them was so easy. They were good and quiet but they reminded me of Roger. The house was so empty and quiet without him.

I had no one to turn to either. Chrissie had joined Brian on the tour so I couldn't go to her for support. Only a month or so beforehand, she told me her and Brian were expecting and I was overjoyed for them. If only it was the same for Roger and I....

I had been talking to my parents on the phone frequently since Roger left. My mother was so concerned for me. She insisted she come to London several times but I convinced her otherwise. My mother was the last person I needed around. I loved her deeply but she nagged me a lot and I wasn't emotionally able to deal with her.

I had called my childhood best friend Sharon plenty of times. The last time I saw her was at my wedding almost four years ago. We had so much to catch up on. She hadn't had any children because she said she wasn't ready but she was happily married to a man named Phil. She talked about visiting a lot but it didn't seem likely to happen.

Ben Smith played a big role in my life after Rogers departure. He came over and checked on me and the kids every day and he was always bringing me and the kids into the town for meals. He was being extremely nice, something which I didn't think he was capable of. Ben helped me around the house and played the role of Roger although we kept things platonic between us. Yes, Roger and I were broken up but we were still legally married. And I still hadn't given up hope that he would come home.

*December 31st 1977*

Christmas had come and gone. It was the first Christmas without Roger and it didn't feel the same. I couldn't put most of the decorations up myself so the house remained quite bare, save for the tree. It didn't feel like Christmas, although it did feel like Winter, cold and dark.

I received money in the post from Roger for the kids but I didn't know what to do with it. I mostly bought them presents with it. They were miserable during Christmas and I didn't blame them. The mood just wasn't right. I was quite depressed without Roger and it impacted all aspects of everyday. I stayed in bed all day and drank wine all night. There was nothing to make me feel better. Except Roger.

Days, weeks, months passed without him and it really dragged. I really wanted Brian to arrive home so I would have him in my life again. Sure I had Ben, but he was far from Brian. Brian was supportive and the definition of a friend.

You really have to take into account how long I was without Roger. Imagine walking down a street and the path never ends, but you don't know that. You're not doing pace, you're strolling, even slower than strolling. You're doing one step every ten minutes. And while you're barely walking, you have to watch other people live their lives. You have to see people go places and do things and be happy, while you're walking on a never ending road, feeling utterly miserable. My time alone felt like walking on a dead end street, that stretched for miles.

*February 28th 1978*

Even after the new year I still felt trapped in the previous year. I still had the same feelings and I still felt the same heartache. I thought a new year would bring a new start but unfortunately not.

I also had to watch Queen on the TV. Well, I didn't have to watch them but they were on a lot and I could never seem to turn it off. They all looked so happy, Roger especially. They were touring and seeing all their fans. I hadn't even heard their newest album because I didn't think I would be able to listen to it.

My due date was in May and that was when the tour ended. I wasn't looking forward to seeing how that would pan out. I couldn't keep Roger out of our child's life but would he even want to be in it?

One afternoon I went to a doctor's appointment to find out the gender. She told me news I was completely shocked to hear: I was having twins, again.

Now was there not only one child that Roger didnt want but there was two. How he would react was not something I wanted to witness.

I wondered if he had changed his mind towards the whole idea of another baby. Or in this case babies. He never called me. He knew my number so nothing was stopping him. Except the fact that he didn't love me anymore.

*March 25th 1978*

The tour was really dragging. All I wanted was to be with Brian again. I missed our conversations and how he cared so much about me and the kids.

My pregnancy was causing me to become ill. I was diagnosed with something called pre eclampsia, something that could cause strokes and even death in both the baby and the mother. The only way to get rid of it was to have the baby.

The doctors had to induce me before the pre eclampsia got any worse. Sharon decided to come up to London from Truro to help me with the new babies. She came a few days before I had to go to the hospital and stayed with me up until they induced the labour.

I was in labour for hours before I finally gave birth to two boys which I named Luke and Eoin. I knew Roger would like those names because they were from Star Wars, his favourite film at the time.

A few days after the twins had been born I decided to call Brian and tell him the good news.

"Brian. I had two boys." I told him once he answered. "Oh wow Megan that's fantastic! What did you name them?" He asked. "Luke and Eoin." I said. "Those names are lovely Megan. So... do you want me to tell Roger or do you want to tell him yourself?" He asked.

"Tell him I've given birth and then ask if he wants to speak to me. He might not...." I said, hoping he would.

After a brief silence, I heard Rogers husky "Hello?"

"Hi Roger." I mumbled. "So you gave birth?" He asked, almost sarcastically.

"Yes." I replied. "Boy or girl?" He asked.

"Two boys." I said. "Two?" He asked in shock. He didn't say anything after that. I couldnt tell if he was happy or not. "Names?" He asked. I felt like I was talking to a doctor or something.

"Luke and Eoin." I said. He paused. "Are those names.... from Star Wars? As in Luke Skywalker and Uncle Eoin?"

"Yeah..." I replied, slightly embarrassed. I heard Roger giggle and then clear his throat nervously. "Well... I would like to... be a part of their lives." He told me. "I was hoping you would." I said.

"How would it work out though?" He asked me. "We'll figure it out when you come back." I said. "Okay. Bye." Said Roger. "Bye." I replied.

"Love you." He said.

I froze. I heard him hang up. He obviously made a mistake. He didn't mean to say that. It was almost habit for him.

I stayed in the hospital until me and the kids were allowed to come home. Sharon helped me and so did Ben. I really had my hands full with four children but I loved them dearly.

I couldnt get over how Roger said 'Love You' to me. Did he mean it or not was the biggest question I had.