Moments In Time

Chapter Thirty-Three: After The Heartbreak

A/N: hello there-here is chapter 33. Enjoy!

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Chapter Thirty-Three: After The Heartbreak

Camilla:

I listen to Lana del Rey "Dark Paradise." And it makes total sense to me. Liam will always be with me, no matter what. So all I have to do us live with this constant heartache. I wonder if it will ever decrease or go away.

I see Olga and Harry and their happiness is almost a slap in the face. It's something I want, something I had and lost. Then I see Tori and Niall, they're so happy and they're so alike. And that makes me remember what Liam and I had. Macayla and Zayn, seeing them date is like a stab in my heart. I mean, how can I not be happy for them, they're my closest friends.

But it reminds me of something I was so close to and I lost. I lost and what hurts the most is being so close and having it slip away right in front of my eyes. The pain is there, always present. Some day's it feels like I can't breathe. Other days it feels like I won't make it through the day. And there are days where I wake up and curse the day I met him. Things remind me of him, music, photographs, twitter, Facebook, TV, there is really no escape from him. And the fans, they're happy for Liam and Danielle. Some still ask me what happened with him and I, and I respond that nothing. I have gotten loads of twitter followers because of my column in the magazine, but mostly because I know One Direction.

Speaking of them, I've kept my distance. Niall, Harry, Lou and Zayn visit me, at my place. I no longer hang out at Liam's. I no longer talk to him. I no longer see him. I don't call or text him. It hurts, yeah, but it for the best. I just can't bring myself to be his friend. And it's not like he's even tried to talk to me or anything. It's like I never existed to him. And that hurts the most. Right now I'm at home writing my next column. I find relief in the fact they will be leaving soon, back in tour. Niall spends his time with me and Tori, the rest with their respective other. And I don't mind, it gives me silence and my space. I am the lone one, the one who doesn't have someone.

I've been hanging out with my single bloke friend named Chris. Yeah, dog park bloke. Not as a potential boyfriend material, but as a friend. He has been very understanding, so nice and he treats me like a normal person. He also is single and he understands what I am going through because recently I found out that he too got dumped by the women he loved, his fiancé, which totally sucks. All my friends treat me like I'm potentially damaged. I am broken and at any given moment I can jump off the ledge. But that's far from the truth, I know he's gone, I know I won't ever see him again and I am okay, and if not okay, I will be one day. But today I feel like I have a lot to do to rebuild my life after him.

I also find comfort in Adam, who was not so involved in what happened with Liam. The fact that he doesn't know much about the circumstances about our break up makes it easier to just talk about random things. Adam gets that I want to forget I ever even knew Liam, and I'm great-full for that.

I look at my laptop. I have one lousy sentence. I already explained that for personal reasons I won't be going back in tour with One Direction. I lied and said I have been sick, which is kind of true. They understood. Even Marc understood and he's usually a jerk. I'm blocked, I have no idea what to write about. Marina and the Diamonds plays in the back ground and music usually helps me write, but not today.

I hear a knock on my door. I sigh and get up.

"Hello." I say to Olga. I let her in she closes the door behind her.

"Cam, what are you up to?" She asks me. A huge smile on her face, she just came back from a date with Harry.

"Not much. Work." I say sitting down on my couch. I take a sip if my tea.