Choose G.D. & E.D.

Chapter 26

Jemma's P.O.V.

Its nice to have peace in the house and for everything to be okay. Except for me.

I'm starving. That's all I can think about. Its getting late fast and I still don't think Grayson's noticed. I don't feel well. But its worth it. I'm tired of being chubby. I want to be perfect for him and this is an easy way to get there.

I haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday. Its almost dinner time now. If I don't eat I think he'll notice. Whatever. I'll make him dinner and distract him. Now that the house is calm and everyone is happy and back to normal, maybe this can be a good night.

The reason I don't want to eat is because I've done this before. When I was 13 I was very heavy. I was about 4'10" and 160 pounds. I didn't like myself. No one would talk to me besides Cami. She was my only friend. And she was skinny, she told me that if you just stop eating, and puke when you do eat, you lose weight fast and its not that hard. I did it and a year later I had gotten super skinny. I also grew. I felt prettier. Now I'm about 5'6" and 120 lbs. Ever since my mom died I've been slowly gaining weight. I don't want to get fat again. I want to actually lose a few pounds. Maybe 110 pounds would look good. I just want Grayson to look at me and love what he sees like I do when I look at him. The stretch marks on my thighs, and how my stomach rolls when I bend over or sit down, and how my arms jiggle of I move them in a weird way.. Its not attractive. I can lose 10 pounds fast if I do it right. If I try hard enough I can do it in like a week. But I have to be careful. I cant completely starve myself. I'd like die. But see, you go as long as you're comfortable with and then eat, but not too much, just enough to where you're not hungry. And then when you get hungry again you eat and throw it up. Then you eat the next time you're hungry, and then go as long as you can with out eating again. Repeat. It's confusing but it works. And you just do it until you're happy with the results and then you watch what you eat so you don't get fat again. I don't think I'm fat I just don't feel.. good enough.

Its not really a big deal. But I am hungry. Maybe I should eat.. Or not. I don't know. I think I can go longer. Whatever. That's not important.

Anyways...

Ethan is napping still I think and Grayson went to the gym. So it's time to cook! Yay.

I haven't cooked like I'm about to in so long. Okay, the thing about me is, I'm either really good, or you should have 911 on the phone ready when I cook. Sometimes I'm amazing and other times its just, no. So let's hope I do good tonight.

I'm going to make some fettuccine alfredo. Yummy.

***

I set the plates on the table and one for myself too, because I spent almost an hour on this and I'm just too hungry I can't function. I'm eating it! I open the fridge to get something a little extra for dinner. I'm not even sure if you should put basil on fettuccine alfredo or not. But it can't hurt right? Its like little leaves so I'm going to slice it up.

Its very hot in here right now, with the stove on keeping the alfredo warm, its really hot outside, and I'm sweating like crazy. Gross, I know. I cant really think straight. I'm light headed too. Probably because I haven't eaten. This is not good. Oh well. Come on.

I shake my head to focus on what I'm doing. I want this dinner to be good. Tonight is a good night. Everything is okay now and-and..

Darkness.

***

I feel like I'm sleeping but at the same time I don't. My eyes are closed but I feel like I'm awake. I feel two hands on my shoulders shaking me hard, and I hear my name being shouted repeatedly. It smells like something is burning. Oh shit my Alfredo!

I squint my already closed eyes and bunch my face up. Why is everything so fucking bright.

I open my eyes and try to sit up. Ow, fuck. My head. Jesus Christ. I gave up on trying to move and just later still. My vision was blurry. I couldn't really tell what was going on. Grayson was sitting on his knees beside me hovering over me.

"Jem! Jemma wake up. What happened?" He kept shouting.

"Shhh." I manage to say somehow.

He was breathing really fast. He seemed very worried.

"I'm okay. I just fainted I think." I say confused. I definitely need to eat.

"Are you sure you're okay? Do you need me to get you something? What happened? Why did you faint? Are you okay? I'm worrie-" I rolled my eyes and then cut him off by pulling his head down to mine with my right hand wrapped round the back of his neck.

That's a good way to tell someone to shut up, right?

He seemed very shocked, I don't know why but soon started to kiss back. His lips felt bigger. It was the best kiss we've ever had. I slowly lean up and sit not breaking the kiss. He slowly pulled me closer and lifted me to sit on his lap. I wrapped my legs around his waist and ran my fingers through his hair. I don't know why but this kiss was really amazing and I was turned on big time. He was too. I could feel it. If you know what I'm saying. *wink*

His hands slid from my lower back down to cup my ass. He squeezed slightly. I smiled into the kiss and he did too. It was getting heated. It was sloppy but passionate and hot. It was also rough. I don't know. Just, everything about it was amazing. I was in cloud nine. Damn.

I pulled away for a second to get some air. I blinked a few times because my vision was still blurry. I flutter my eyes so they focus and saw Ethan. I was making out with Ethan. Shit.

Just then, Grayson walked through the front door almost on cue. And the first thing he saw was me straddled on top of Ethan. My hands in his hair. His hands gripping my ass. Our lips swollen and pink. Our faces hot. And the fettuccine alfredo burning a few feet away.

I'm fucked.

(Please comment. I love comments. (: and do you think jethan or gremma and why. Ily)