Choose G.D. & E.D.

Chapter 35

"Admit it. You love him!" He practically shouted.

I sat quietly not knowing what to say.

I've been trying to ignore my feelings the whole time because I love Grayson. I really do love Grayson. But, I think I love Ethan too...

After a few seconds of silence, that was my answer...

"Gray... I-" I trailed off. I don't know what to say. I don't want to hurt him.

Jesus Christ Jemma. That's all you've been doing.

He sat on the edge of the bed and let out a shaky breath. I heard quiet sobs. I quickly shot up and put my hand on his shoulder.

"Grayson. Stop. Please." I said on the verge of tears.

He sniffed in his runny nose and wiped off his face. He was still crying but not as hard.

"I don't want to hurt you." I said with a few tears spilling over as he looked at me.

"I think we need to go home." He simply stated.

***

We got off the plane and loaded our bags into the Uber.

We haven't talked at all. Just a very few sentences at most.

This all sucks. I've been nothing but trouble for this boy. I feel absolutely terrible.

We got home and we took the elevator. No words. We walked in the apartment and he went back to his room, pulling his bag behind him. No words.

I sat on the couch and let out what I've been holding in all day. I put my face in a pillow to keep it quiet. I haven't cried this hard since my mom died.. I'm choking on air and can't catch my breath. My eyes burn and my throat fells like I'm swallowing a softball.

I really wish I didn't fuck up my friendship with Cami because I really need to talk to someone right now. Thinking about her just makes me cry more. I would also be able to talk to my mom.. I cry even more. I'm basically an eye waterfall at this point. Everything hurts. Every thought. Memories. Realization. It all hurts. But I'm where I am right now, because of everything I've done. No one did this to me. It all happened because of me. I deserve it.

I thought I heard footsteps but I ignored it and kept crying. Letting my sadness and pain consume me.

I did this to myself. Why am I feeling sorry for myself?

Out of no where I felt arms wrap around me. I jolt, a little shocked by the sudden touch. I pull my face away from the pillow and see Ethan looking extremely worried. I instantly dove my face back into the pillow until it was peeled out of my hands and thrown across the room. I look at the pillow, then look at Ethan. He brushes his fingers over my cheeks, wiping away tears.

"Stop." I simply say.

He continues and moves closer. I sit up completely and try to push away but he finishes wiping them all away while looking into my eyes.

"Let's go somewhere and talk about it." He stood and held out his hand.

***

"Okay, spill." He said sitting down at a table in the corner.

I heavily sigh and sip on my latte. "Are you sure you're ready. It's a lot and you're probably going to hate me because I totally deserve it." I breath.

"Go." He says before drinking out of his straw.

I take a deep breath. "Okay. So. We go to meet your parents which all went nice right? Well we go to bed, even though we weren't tried because we slept the whole way there, and eventually I doze off. But before that I was thinking about how I met the family which, you know how the brain train works, I went from his sister to you. I thought about everything that's happened and went to sleep. Well.. I guess you made it into my subconscious because I had a dream about you. Grayson was about to hit me and you storm in and stop him. You carry me under a tree and we stare at each other and lean in for a kiss. Oh, and I said I love you." I tried to mumble but I think he heard me but I continued anyway. "Well. Gray woke me up and told me he heard me and well.. He um. He asked me if I loved you and I couldn't answer. So he started crying and he said we need to come back. So we came back. And we haven't talked to each other and it definitely over because he thinks I love you. And it all sucks so much because I've hurt him so much and I don't want to at all." I said on the verge of tears.

He looked at me wide-eyed. "Woah."

I sipped my latte and nodded.

"So. How do you feel about all of it?" He simply asked.

"I feel bad because the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him but that's the only thing I've ever done. I'm scared because I have nowhere to go but I obviously need to leave. I've caused so much trouble and drama and I need to step away. And I'm not sure how I feel about, you."

He wiggled his eyebrows and smirked, then laughed.

"Well Jem. That's a lot of shit." He laughed.

"Yeah tell me about it. Try being me." I sighed.

Ethan's P.O.V.

What the fuck...

Jem and Grayson broke up because she loves me.

Jem and Grayson broke up because she loves me!

I'm screaming in the inside. But at the same time I feel so bad for Grayson because he lost an amazing girl. But you can't help who you love right? I need to give her time before I do anything. I can't just jump on her like she's a left over piece of pizza.

We leave Starbucks and head home.

"Let's just walk." I kind of ask but not really.

"Yeah." She half smiles.

We walk in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"You have to stay with us you know that right?" I smile.

"What? No-no I-I can't. Its too hard. I need to g-"

"Oh hell no princess. You have nowhere to go. And besides. You can't expect me to let you walk away after what you just told me." I winked.

She giggled. "Well.. This is gonna be hard for a while." She said quietly.

"Yeah I understand. We'll get through it though. I promise." I kissed her cheek.

I've kissed her before but never when she wasn't someone's girl. I felt butterflies. I'm literally so happy right now.