Choose G.D. & E.D.

Chapter 52

*3 weeks later* 

School is full on right now. My grades are standing but I don't really care so they'll eventually drop. Its not like I'm busy with life besides trying to figure out how to buy a house when I'm 17. Since I couldn't buy a house fast Cami told me that I needed to leave which is completely understandable. I found a house about a mile away from my old house for rent. It was 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom and it was a very simple, cookie cutter house. It was nice but not amazing. It will have to do. It was very difficult to get a house. They should teach this shit in school.

I'm pretty sure, getting a house and figuring out how to do this shit, is way more relevant than finding square roots and plotting points.

I'm honestly, only putting in enough effort to pass. I barely pay attention in school. I rarely do homework. I don't talk to anyone at school.

I've basically became, quite a hollow person. I'm pretty sure I'm depressed but oh well. I've lost at least 15 pounds because I eat very small amounts of food now. All I do is sit in my empty house, oh yeah. Did I mention I literally have a fridge, a stove, a microwave, a bed, a TV, and clothes?

Yeah. I have enough money to buy all of the other stuff but I figured since I'm trying to buy a house I should just wait until I get a house to buy all the furniture and move it in. Because removing it in here just to move it out seems dumb.

I bought myself, a new phone with a new number, and that finally broke the connection between Ethan, Grayson, and me. I bet without me in their life they're doing great. They probably have new girlfriends and no drama and are legitimately happy. Which is good.

I don't know why but I've lost my passion for, well everything. I dropped out of drama class. I didn't sign up for musical. I stopped going and seeing sporting events. Crazy to think that just last year, everything was completely different.

I was on top of my homework. Straight A and B student. I was involved in school. I talked to everyone. I was happy.

Or at least blissfully unaware of how truly unhappy I was. But now.. Because of him. I'm completely aware of how much I fucked up my life. Too late now.

Now, I sleep in. I'm late for school all the time. If I don't feel like going, I don't. I wear sweatpants everyday because I've given up on my appearance completely. I don't actually mind that one though. Sweatpants are comfortable as shit. But of course all I hear at school is I went crazy over summer and I'm a bum and no one talks to me. Cami doesn't talk to me in school but talks to me outside sometimes. She's afraid that being seen with me will 'ruin her reputation'. Nice.

Hailley is older and doesn't even go to school but I would consider her a good and close friend. Even in the mood I've been in, she will still come over and try to make me smile. She's amazing. I don't deserve good people like her in my life.

All I do with myself is eat nutella toast and read constantly.

With my fucked up life, its a great way to pretend like you're the special girl in the book that gets everything you would dream for. But I can't complain. I fucked up my life. No one else. Why do I feel sorry for myself when I don't even deserve my own pity?

But books are great. You read and read and read and are in the edge of your seat to read what happens next and most of the time... its of course a happy ending. That's when I throw my phone at a wall and scream, "YOU'RE A LIAR! THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS YOU'RE A LIAR!" Until I get noise complaints from my neighbors.

Is great.

I went back to the apartment to get my jeep the other day and didn't have any awkward run ins or anything. The jeep is on the top level so getting it when I left would be stupid because I'd have to walk all the way up the garage with all of my bags and I just wasn't up for that shit and I'm glad I waited. I don't ever drive anywhere though. For some reason, when I drive now it makes me sick. Especially when I see someone texting and driving. So, to avoid me pulling over in front of someone to get out and scream at them and tell them what a worthless piece of shit they are, I just walk.