I Give You My All {n.h.}

Chapter Fifty Five

Niall Horan

-4 days ago-

Memories of just a few weeks ago resurface in my mind. I feel empty without her. I feel like I'm nothing without her. And damn did it hurt. God, it hurt so much. I just had to leave her before she pulled me back into her with those soft eyes that were puffy with tears-with pain--pain that I had caused her.

My heart shattered the second I told her to leave. Of course, I really didn't want her to go. Never would I actually want to depart fro her. I wanted, more than anything, to walk back into that room and kiss her like I've never kissed her before. I wanted to hold her and assure her that everything is and will be alright--but I couldn't.

I needed her to know that she deserves so much in this world. The selfish part of me wants to keep her close but the other side actually allowed me to turn her away. Though at this point, I'm not sure which would've done more damage.

I'm sick. I'm very, very ill and I know for a fact that she can't handle that. I didn't want her to find out that evening because there's no way in hell that she would have left. I know she's bound to find out soon, but I can't handle the thought of that right now and neither can she.

I was diagnosed with stage two pancreatic cancer a couple of weeks ago. I noticed this ill and fatigued feeling had been carrying on for a few weeks and decided to go get it checked. I lit up like a Christmas tree. Many, many tests were run and I was poked and prodded like never before. I now understand why Brooke is so scared of her tests. It's very frightening when you're surrounded by all of that medical equipment and forced into tests accompanied by countless pins and needles.

"Niall." I blink a few times before turning my attention to a man that I had feared seeing again. My fear quickly turns into confusion though.

"W-where am I?" I look around, growing very concerned.

"Calm down, son. You're in the London Memorial Hospital."

"How did I get here?" When I awoke, I assumed that I was in the hospital in Dublin.

"Apparently you took a very hard fall last night and your mother wanted you at an even better hospital than in Dublin." I watch as he sets the file down and comes around to my side of the bed to take a look at the machinery next to me.

"How are you feeling?" I don't answer for a moment as I watch him adjust some of my fluids. When he glances down at me, I clear my throat.

"I'm quite fatigued. My body hurts all over." He nods and takes a step back before looking at me again. Things grow quiet for a moment and he purses his lips. He nods towards my file and clears his throat.

"I'm not your doctor, of course, but I have to admit to the fear that ran through me when I heard your name floating around these halls last night." I bite my lip and nod once before he lets out a sigh.

"Niall." My eyes find his and I watch as his face turns from serious to compassionate in a matter of seconds. "Is this why?" I nearly choke on nothing at his question.

"W-why what?" He drags one of the chairs to the side of my bed and takes a seat, readjusting his coat.

"I haven't received the details, but I have been informed that you and Brooke are no more." My heart thumps against my chest at the sound of her name--the evidence clearly displayed on my heart monitor. He nods as he leans forward a bit. I'm forced to blink away the surfacing tears.

"I know you love her." I look down and squeeze my eyes closed, allowing a few tears to slip--his words triggering me more than he knows. He reaches forward and places a hand on my arm. I shake my head and bite my lip. "Niall.."