I Give You My All {n.h.}

Chapter Five

Brooke Spencer

"Brookelyne, can you hear me? Oh God, stay with me. Stay with me, baby." I hear these words rush from my dad's mouth. I'm laying in nearly solid whiteness and it's as if time has completely stopped. Nothing seems to be moving and there's barely any sound. The only thing that I even slightly hear are the pleasing begs of my father. He sounds scared. Why dint I feel scared? I feel myself being pulled under and it's so inviting that I allow it to take me.

It's peaceful here. It's this beautiful white area almost as if angels have freshly painted the scene. I take in a breath and feel a beautiful rush of air enter my lungs. I suddenly feel a weight lifted from my shoulders that I've been carrying for what seems to be a lifetime. I lift my arm in front of me and see the skin slightly glowing. I look down and see my other arm free of an I.V. and my chest as well. Reaching up to drag my fingers along my chest, I can no longer feel the frayed scars that have marked my skin for so long. There's no more evidence of the many incisions and sutures from the countless procedures that my heart has endured over the years. I feel beautiful.

Am I dying?

Am I already dead?

I feel as if I'm floating on nothing. It's as if my body is as light as a feather. I feel as if nothing can harm me here. I am safe and secure here. No cardiac failure or harm can claim me as it's prisoner. My eyes close as I take in another freeing breath. I can feel this new found sense of life flowing through my veins and a renewed sense of belonging. I've been so out of place on earth for so many years. Here, I feel whole with my surrounding.

If this is heaven, I wonder if I'll get to see my parents. My eyes open and I look around. There's no one here, yet I can feel the presence of others so close to me. Goosebumps raise all over my body. I open my mouth to call out to somebody, but a quiet voice hushes my words.

It's not time, my dear.

I instantly recognize his voice. I quickly turn around and then around again desperately searching for him. I call out to him over and over. Tears of relief prick at my eyes yet I do not see him. I call out again but stop when I feel a slight tingle in my chest.

I'll always be here waiting for you. It's just not your time yet.

Again, I close my eyes. He's here. This is the closest I've been to my dad since the day he died. That was him. He's waiting for me.

A shocking pain suddenly rips through my chest and my world goes black. I feel body collapse and I reach up toward my chest.

Pain. All I feel is pain. Frantically, I try to find my breath but it feels so far out of reach. I want to go back. Dad, please take me back. Please, dad.

"Clear!" A muffled voice sounds in my ears and that electrical shock pangs at my chest. This time, it feels like it knocks the air right out from my lungs making me even more frantic. I remove my hands from my chest and try to take some control but I'm far too weak.

I want to go back to the light. Why do you let me go?

The electrical charge is still left tingling in my finger tips and toes when I hear the voice get louder. "Clear!" Another shock is sent through my body and I feel my chest lift and fall again. This one is slightly more painful than the last.

It hurts. Everything hurts. Please don't hurt me anymore. I want to go back.

"Clear!" My eyes snap open upon the electrical charge revealing a room full of doctors, nurses, and loud machines. An abundant amount of tubes and wires are fused into multiple areas of my body, leaving me restrained.