I Give You My All {n.h.}

Chapter Fourteen

Niall Horan

November 1,

I am no poet, but this feels absolutely poetic. She is exquisite and though it may be foolish, I might just be head over heels for this woman. She makes me feel things I don't think I've ever felt before. This house felt like home with her here last night. That kiss felt like a million balls of light exploded within me. The following kisses each felt like flurries falling from above and blanketing us within a package of  pure bliss.

Her health scare was frightening. Her circumstances are worse than I could've imagined. I want to dig in and ask her every question that burns my mind about her condition but I don't want to upset her. I don't want to pry into that utmost private piece of her life but I also want to know every single detail. I want to know what exactly I am dealing with here. Is it long term? Can she live with this? Will she receive a transplant? Would that solve every last issue that she has with her heart? Or are we waiting for her heart to give out on her just like a ticking time bomb? Will it be years or just a few moments from now? I can't imagine what it must be like living with such uncertainty.

I don't have the answers. Perhaps, I could get the answers from her dad. It's sneaky, yes, but it's an alternative for not poking at her. On the other hand, maybe I should just prod into that piece of her life head on. The worst she could do is tell me that she doesn't want to talk about it or she could simply just open up. I don't think it's wrong for wanting to know. How could it be wrong? I like her a lot and I think wanting to know expresses that interest.

N.H.

I close the journal and clip the pen onto the cover before placing it into my desk. I take my glasses off and set them down before standing up and quietly stretching. Brooke is still fast asleep on the far right side of my bed and I decide to let her rest. We did stay up until almost three this morning and it's just now a little past nine.

I quietly exit my room and move into the kitchen to clean up a few things from last night. My head is nearly spinning at the thought of how she responded to my kiss. I feel like I'm just now waking from a wonderful dream and that it's not reality. It is reality though. It's our reality.

I'm not sure what this even means. Where do we go from here?

My phone begins to ring in my pocket and I pull it out to answer it. "Hey, man. What's up?"

"Hey, man, what's up? That's all I get?" I let out a quiet laugh before placing a glass into the sink with the other and leaning back against the counter.

"Okay, I'm sorry for not calling in so long. Things have been," I pause, trying to find the right words. "--busy." He mutters something along the lines of 'no worries' before diving into telling me something about our mother and some things about home.He fills me in on work, his marriage and his son. When my brother begins asking questions about my life, I fill him in on school and work, as well as some business ideas. When he asks about relationships and women, this is when I feel my heart flutter. It flutters just like it did last night and I shake my head to rid myself of the thought of her lips pressed deeply against mine.

"You there?" I clear my throat and turn to look out of the kitchen window.

"Yeah, sorry." Then it hits me all over again: the paperwork. I need advice and I need it fast. I can't keep feeling this way if it's not even worth it. Do I seriously put myself through this situation? Is it all worth it?