Demons without Desire

Letting go of that pain

A few days later.

I looked at Kaylee as she sat on the end of my bed, she still hadn't spoke and eaten a thing. How or what she was surviving on was beyond me. As far as I could tell she was drinking from the amount of water bottles I was getting through in the last couple days. I didn't mind in the slightest but I wish she would try and eat something...

Every morning I made breakfast for her, every single morning I binned that breakfast once it got cold. But put a pint of water in front of her and she almost drown herself in it from necking it straight back.

"Kaylee, we are going to get out the house today." I spoke quietly to her and opened a case up containing her stuff.

Elle had came over yesterday with a case of her clothes, in a desperate attempt to make her eat I rang Elle but she looked through her, even Aaron tried. I got zilch. I was running out of options and I had to consider getting her to a doctors, before she passed out.

Her sleep had improved.. Her body clock was working itself out enough to know when she needed to sleep. When she couldn't she would sit and stare into oblivion. It was creepy and worrying at the same time.

Getting her to shower and do her teeth weren't a problem, I would dry her hair and brush it for her leaving it down. The bruising on her neck and back were the worst, to another persons perspective, it would look like she had been in a car accident from the black and purple markings across her skin.

"Okay we have to get dressed now." I explained placing down jeans and a top.

Her eyes flicked to my hands and to my eyes I watched as she parted her lips to speak but nothing came out and she lowered her head frowning back at her hands. "I'll wait in the wardrobe, I have to change myself too. You going to be okay?" I asked.

Not getting a response I continued to get myself ready, as I came back out she was just sitting down on the end of the bed changed. "Thank you." I smiled taking her dirty clothes when she began swaying.

I watched as her eyes got heavier until she closed them and feel forward slightly onto my arm, I was about to shake her thinking she had passed out when she began to snore.

"No way." I whispered before dropping her clothes and helping her to lay back in the bed. I sighed and looked at her in jeans. I should have picked Yoga pants, at least she would have felt comfy in them.

Gracie barked making myself and Kaylee jump, her eyes opened and she sat back up blinking widely.

"You want to sleep? It is okay. We can stay here." I whispered hoping she would at least leave the house with me.

"We can stay here and watch a film." I spoke picked up her clothes. However as I straighten up I saw that she had her lips pinched together as she silently broke down in front of me.

"Oh Sheila." I whispered tossing her things in the wash pile and pulling her into a hug. Apart from the occasional sniffle and gasp for air she tries to stay silent.

Wet tears fell on my top and that was enough for me, I pulled her back and held her face "Let it go."

She whimpered trying to move back into my chest but I straightened my arms out keeping her at length.

"Kaylee. Let it go." I repeated.

When someone goes through some serious shit in their life, they have to break. They have to break in order for you to place them back together, otherwise you're gluing parts in places that don't belong.

As selfish as it was, I needed her to have her breakdown, I wanted her back to herself quickly.

"Do it!" I snapped as she became more hysterical in front of me.

"DO. It!" I snapped at her again as she dug her fingers into my wrists.

"DO IT! LET IT GO!"

She shook her head holding it in when I  yelled it on her face.

"NOW KAYLEE FUCK-"

She let out a scream breaking my heart and her own at the same time before, crumbling into my arms I grabbed her tightly and held her as she cried out over and over again. Thumping her hands against my chest taking it out on me.

"Why me?! What did I do?! What did I do!"

"That's it... Let me have it all sweetie." I urged rubbing her back.

"I didn't do anything wrong! I didn't- why!" She howled. "All I wanted to do my job! Why did it happen to me!"

"Shhh... I got you."

"It's you're fault!" She snapped shoving her hands against me!

I felt the burn and accepted that it was my fault, she was right. If I had told her the truth, she wouldn't have gone.

"I'm sorry that's a lie! I- it's my fault it's happened! The signs were there! They were there but I was thinking of you! I wanted you!" She sobbed into my chest.

Sitting on the bed I rocked her whilst smoothing her head back. I let her cry herself to the point of exhaustion knowing that it's better out than what it is in.

Wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands, Kaylee looked up at my face. Her blood shot and puffy eyes looked haunting at me, her button nose was red and lips were trembling as she looked at me.

"I think I need to leave.." She released a breath of air and a little cry.

"You don't have to go anywhere."

"I do.." She held my face and looked at me hard "You deserve someone who's not broken like I am."

"Kay-"

"I think you should maybe move on.. Find someone else.."

And just like that I snapped.