Demons without Desire

Turning tables

Dinner time fell in the Bagans household and Zak was still holed up in the bedroom. Whilst myself and Gracie moved about the house quietly.

I had done it... I had rung Aaron who rushed the call telling me he was in the E.R and to just let Zak settle in. It only dawned on me after I put the phone down that maybe Zak was responsible for Aaron's trip to the hospital. I hoped not but I couldn't get the way he was glaring at Gracie out of my head. She knew he wasn't himself and he didn't like it.

I plated up tomato and herb pasta setting it on a tray with a bottle of cold water before padding out the kitchen and across the lounge. Going to the bedroom door I knocked on it lightly.

"I know you said leave you alone.. And I won't try to pretend I understand what you are going through or what you are feeling. But I've made you some food.. If you don't want it then I'll pick it back up later. But I thought you might be hungry and you'll need to keep your strength up. It's not great.. But I tried. I-" I paused looking at the door not knowing what else to say.

"I made it with love and I hope I can help you. The way you helped me when I was in a spot of bother.."

I set the tray down and sat down the end of the hall waiting for him to take it. I was desperate just to see his hand take the tray, to put me at ease that he is okay..

After an hour I blinked back the tears and walked into the kitchen. Shedding some I began making myself some tomato and herb pasta. It was from a packet but it was lovely, Zak had shown me how to make it after I messed it up constantly.

I smiled and cried at the happier times as I reminisced. The way he picked me up and set me on the side whilst he showed me how to cook. Quiet frankly I didn't care for the pasta, just for the way he took his time and how his voice sounded soft and loving.

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and gripped the side as I went over arguments and times were a disagreement would be settled with me being thrown over his shoulder and taken to bed.

I was scared. Scared that this was too deep in his system, hell if Aaron was in hospital what the hell did Zak do?! Was I even right to question Zak? Maybe Billy or Jay? Maybe even it was from Aaron's clumsiness? Here I was thinking bad of him already..

"Why? Why do you all keep testing us? Haven't we done enough?" I asked looking at the cross on his kitchen wall.

Pushing the pan of the ring I shook my head and went to leave the kitchen when I froze seeing Zak stood in the doorway.

Stood in sweats and a top he looked exhausted, his hands held the tray. He stepped into the kitchen causing my body to take a discreet step back. Gracie was in the garden asleep, I had no clue what state or condition he is in.

"I did say it wasn't great.." I mumbled as he stood on the opposite side of island. I watched as the tray went down and an empty bowl sat in the middle. I left my eyes on them as he moved around the island and came towards me, part of me wanted to run for the hills. Another part cemented my feet to the ground.

My hands tightened on the dish towel I was holding, slowly making my way up from the rosary around his neck I met his eyes.

His body grabbed mine and his face buried into my neck as he held me tightly. I released a shaky breath and dropped the dish towel holding him back. Swallowing the lump in my throat I blinked rapidly to remove the tears. He was lost, confused and most of all lonely.

"Hey..I got you." I whispered rubbing his back as his grip tightened. "You're home. You're with me.. It's okay."

I felt him pull away before holding my face in his hands, I waited for him to speak but he simply pulled me back into him and lifted me up onto his waist.

Locking my legs around him he walked through the lounge and to the bedroom where I was placed down gently. I pulled off my shoes and jeans before climbing into the middle of the bed. Removing his top Zak crawled on the bed and fell onto my legs placing his head on my lap and wrapping his arms around my knees I was essentially pinned in the bed.

But I knew I had to be here, right here and right now I knew I needed to be there for him as he has been for me in the past.

Looking down at him I saw a tear roll over the edge of his nose before landing on my thigh. Biting my own knuckles to stop a whimper leaving my mouth I ran my hand over his head and played with his hair gently letting him have this time.

My soldier, my knight, my warrior... He was broken.