Demons without Desire

I'll find you.

Myself and Zak hiked up through Red Rock, stopping occasionally to get a drink from his backpack, the sun had seemed to have taken a new level of heat up here, with it pounding up off the rocks it was hard to see how this was suppose to be relaxing.

Every time I slowed down, ready to collapse Zak would put his hand back and take mine pulling me on a little further until I reserved enough energy to push forward again.

"Nearly there.." He puffed.

I looked at him concerned, mostly for his asthma with the heat, dust and trekking, but he had taken his inhaler this morning. Then my concern was shared as we were high up, I knew from previous episodes he had a fear of heights.

"Zak..."

"It's okay. Just up here and we can stop okay?"

I nodded and fixing my gaze to the ground as we pushed on again. Zak was understanding and avoided people, whether he knew I'd have some apprehension or whether he was simply hiding a half beaten and bruised woman to stop the rumours flying, I wasn't entirely sure but I felt a lot better being alone than having people whisper and point..

And they would... Especially with the black eye and bruised throat.

His hand took mine again and gave a gentle tug, I presumed he meant for me to pick up pace and went to take a bigger stride when I bumped into his bag.

"S-Sorry." I mumbled shaking myself.

"Here.." He smiled.

I looked up and around us to see we were at a higher point of the mountain, secluded and alone. It was perfect. Giving me a smile he slipped off the back pack and began unloading it. I had no idea what was in there until a small blanket came out followed by Tupperware and a lot of it.

After placing it all out of the sun, He stood back up and looked at me, I looked down at my legs. It was the first time I had worn shorts, other than to sleep in. I saw why... They looked awful with marks on them and grazed knees.

"Wearing that crop top?" He asked. My eyes looked to him quickly and nodded.

"Ready?"

I shook my head at him and watched as he removed his top and waited for me. "Don't do it unless you feel comfortable, nobody else is here..."

I looked around for a few seconds just to make sure before I fumbled around taking it off. I coved my stomach with my arms and kept my eyes fixed to the distance. "Okay.." Zak took my hand and led me away until we were sat roughly 6 feet from the edge of the cliff.

"Straighten your back." He guided.

I did, "Now close your eyes and just breathe.."

This was his mediating I guess, normally what he would do at home, was now in a public conservation area because I was so... messed up? I guess he believed there was something here that would help me.

"Kaylee.. I can hear you thinking from here.. Clear your mind." He instructed.

"Hard job doing that." I mumbled and scrunched my eyes closed as the images came back.

I snapped them open to see Zak looking at me worried "I- I'm okay." I stuttered before trying again. This time the images didn't appear, but Zak's hand on my knee did.

"You're struggling. Don't force this, just try and relax, you have the rosary beads on you. I'm right with you.. I have mine. Just try and relax."

I tried for nearly 20 minutes before I felt a wash of relief, even in the heat I had goosebumps across my skin as I inhaled deeply and released it slowly.

"That's it." He whispered.

Sometime later I opened my eyes to see him watching me carefully. "How you feeling?" He asked.

"Better." I smiled quickly and looked for his top.

"Here. I had a feeling you'd want it." He smiled passing it to me.

I held it on my lap and smelt it before playing with the tags inside of it. "Not going to wear it?" He asked.

"You won't fit in my top." I replied making him smirk.

"Yeah I guess you might be right there. Hungry?" He questioned hopeful.

I shrugged "I can try.."

A smile took his lips and with ease he stood up and held his hands out, I took them and was lifted to my feet. Sitting down on the blanket he began opening the Tupperware boxes displaying his own little picnic. I watched him carefully as he opened one and looked for my approval, it had became a little game to smile after each one. It seemed to please him, so I continued until he held out his hands.

We had cucumber, baby plum tomatoes, small slices of cheese, crackers, oranges, strawberries, blueberries and raspberries, pineapple, almonds, bananas, some sliced turkey and small wholemeal bread rolls.

"Woah, how long are you staying up here for?" I asked.

"Until you feel better. I uh.. I figured I could talk you through this.. I know it's a concoction. So..." He pulled out a small piece of paper and began reading. "Berries, oranges are good for your brain.. Turkey and almonds increase metabolism so hopefully you'll feel hungry more often and eat cause I'm worried. Um.. Blueberries, strawberries and raspberries help your kidneys.  Oh! Bananas help with a lot actually, so they reduce inflammation, reduce depression and anxiety levels, improves moods, lowers blood pressure and helps speed up the healing process of bruises." He finished.

My eyes were stinging by the time he had finished, taking a look at me his face fell and he was about to panic when I crawled into his arms and hugged him tightly. "Thank you." I whispered.

"I- s- It's okay. Hey don't get sad."

"I'm not." I sniffled sitting back. "I'm just- I'm really lucky to have you."

He smiled wiping my cheeks "I am kind of cool right?" He asked making me nod and smile. "Cheese and biscuits are mine so hands off." He added making me giggle.

I went to move away when he pulled me back and sat me on his lap. "I want you close and near me."

Zak picked up a pot and placed it on my lap, I picked up an almond and popped one into his mouth. I watched him crunch it down and eat it before looking at me "Your turn."

I looked at the bowl and picked one up putting an almond between my teeth I bit half of it and ate slowly, terrified my body would reject it and this picnic of gorgeous colour and purpose would be ruined. I ate the other half and looked at Zak who smiled "Good girl. Another one."

He popped half between my teeth before biting the other half off for himself and kissing me at the same time. I blushed and looked down at the almonds. "The things we have done and you blush.."

I hid myself in his shoulder and watched as he went through all the Tupperware pots, feeding himself and then feeding me. 

"Look.." He pointed across the conservation at a small group of deer.

I sat up watching them as something near them spooked them enough to prance across the ground and to a safe distance. "That's beautiful.." I whispered watching them regroup from the moment of chaos. After the disappeared I looked at Zak who was observing me "You okay?" I asked looking at him.

"I'm so proud of you trusting me enough to come here today." He answered. I gave him a small smile and leant my head on his shoulder as his fingers brushed gently up and down my back.

"You'll send me to sleep if you keep doing that.." I mumbled.

"I don't care, I'll sit here until you wake up."

My eyes were heavier than normal and I could only guess it was from the amount of walking we had done to get here, that and I was in Zak's arms, the only place I considered safe right now. My head began falling but after a shuffle I had my head in the crook of his neck, I was part conscious when I felt him rocking.

"I.... Love you." I mumbled before slipping into darkness.