Demons without Desire

Some reading material.

I sat on the strip watching the hundreds of tourists that passed snapping photos of the big lights and displays. I sighed and shoved a mint into my mouth chewing on it whilst in thought.

I didn't know what to do for the best, everything was with Zak, my clothes, my home, my life, my heart.. It was all with him.

My heart told me to go and speak with him, but my mind was telling me 20 different reasons why it was a bad idea. I knew his distaste for taking any kind of medication, now he was on antibiotics.

I would speak to Aaron or Billy but the chances are that he would be speaking to them already. I couldn't speak to Elle, the last I seen of her was when I was throwing her out of my apartment for bringing all those pieces of paper that slated Zak. That wasn't the Zak I knew and not the Zak I loved. So I completely ignored them, I still believed it was spiteful women who he had had acquaintances with.

What was more important? That question seemed to be taunting me as both brought me happiness. Zak made me extremely happy and so did investigating until I hit a streak of bad luck and since then it's been one thing after another.

What if I chose investigating.. It would be the end of or relationship, that was for sure, we would unknowingly be destroying each other when we were together from the negativity of the investigations. I have no recollection of biting his arm, physically drawing blood on him was horrifying. What if we began fighting? What if I launched myself at him one night or he attacked me?  I couldn't defend myself against someone of his size.

But like I said if I chose work, then there wouldn't be me and Zak.

If I chose Zak? Well.. Sure I'd be happy with life, but there would always be things between us, like buffer. From not being able to hold his hand when I want incase someone sees right to what he brings home and if I'm made its target.

I'd find a job, live here and have a furry baby called Gracie to look after.

But what's to say one day Zak comes home and brings home evil? What's to say that we don't split up and I'm left with nothing? It was hard to even think about.

My problem is that I've dreamt of becoming an investigator since I was a child, growing up with it. I've become addicted to living with it and learning about it.

I've never wanted to change Zak, I've never told him what I want him to act or be like. I've supported him the only way I know how. I wouldn't ask him to stop his passion the same as I wouldn't ask him to go out and intentionally put himself in harms way.

He has always supported me, through thick and thin... But I just had no clue where to go from here.

We all make mistakes I'm just hoping I make the right choice.

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Zak POV.

I tossed the prescription antibiotics on the seat beside me before pushing the palms of my hands into my eyes.

"Damn it.." I huffed.

Pulling my hands away I got my phone out and tried to ring Kaylee. Things hadn't gone well in the medical centre and now I had to push drugs into my system with a blind faith of them working. I looked at my inner elbow seeing the blood just under the skin from the blood test, growling I pulled my sleeve down hard.

On the 7th try I gave up ringing and sat back in the seat wondering where she would have gone from here. My only guess would be the strip but I didn't fancy a walk down through there so I decided to head back home instead.

The house was quiet. Something that I hated and always resorted to putting on music, it blocked out my overthinking when I had something continuously playing through my head. Knowing Kaylee would come home and throw herself into cleaning I decided to do it first. I stripped the bed and put on knew before tidying and setting the electronic Hoover off. It moved around the room on its own as I packed things away as well as clean the glass on the stair case. Gracie had a tendency to push her nose against them leaving small nose printed marks, I often found it funny when her upper lip was pushed up with her nose giving her a cheesy smile.

As I wiped it down she stood beside me watching before dropping a ball beside me and wagging her tail.

"You wanna play huh?"

Giving me a bark I ruffled her coat and grabbed the ball heading downstairs and into the garden. Having speakers connected throughout the house I was able to listen to the music whilst spending quality time with Gray.

"You wouldn't leave.. Would ya?" I asked making her bark.

"You don't care. You just want me to throw the ball.. Go... GET!" I threw the ball across the garden watching her take off running after it.

Three hours had passed since the medical centre and I began to grow concerned with the silence from Kaylee. I pulled my phone out and tried again only to hear her phone ring behind me.

I turned to see her stood in the door way with tears in her eyes holding a carrier bag.

"A-are you throwing me out?" She asked holding back her tears.

"What?" I asked in disbelief getting up off the garden seat.

"My things. Everything is gone. Are you kicking me out? Don't you want me any more?"

"I tidied up."

"All my things. I know. Is this because I hurt you? I didn't meant it. You know I wouldn't hurt you intentionally, I love you too much and I need to know where I stand before I make my decision cause if you don't want me then I'll understand cause I hurt you but like I didn't mean to and I promise I'll never do it again an-"

I covered her mouth with my hand to stop her rambling. A tear slipped from her eye and landed against my hand.

"I just tidied up.. I thought you would want to.. Maybe sit with me then go off cleaning? I thought I was helping." I answered.

She looked away from my eyes before looking back at me, I removed my hand and walked into the house. I could hear her footsteps behind me as I went into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of water.

"What's in the bag?" I asked curiously.

She moved it behind her back "Nothing.. It's stupid no-"

"Let me see?" I asked trying to look around her. Kaylee pulled it around her and opened it up. I watched as she pulled out fresh bandaids that will cover the bite perfectly.

"I thought, maybe. You'll need them?" She said before pulling out some ginger snaps.

"My white flag.." She mumbled placing them down. I knew they were for me as she hated the things.

"Thank you. What's the book?" I asked looking at it.

"Nothing. I- I'll probably just take it back cause it was a stupid idea and I guess I know how this ends.." She answered as her voice broke.

I rounded the Kitchen island and took the bag from her fingers. Pulling the book out I looked at it, reading the title I looked back at her.

"Really?"

She shrugged "Guess not now.."

I went to reply when she ran out the kitchen crying. "Ka- Kaylee?!"

I heard the bedroom door slam shut as I crossed the lounge and headed for the bedroom.

Trying the door handle I found it was locked. "Sweetie open the door.."

"No, please leave me alone!" She cried back as I leant my forehead against the door.

"We need to talk about this."

I waited but still didn't get a reply, I sighed and knocked "I'll be in the kitchen."

I moved away from the door and sat on the floor just outside the bedroom with the book in my hand.

Looking at the cover I rolled my eyes before opening the book. At the age of 39 years old, I was sat reading a book about relationships and how to have the happy ever after...