Demons without Desire

What I really needed.

Every second felt like a single hour as Zak processed that idea... I began to get concerned from how pale and grey he began to look.

Sitting back he tried to speak but ended up shaking his head and turned away from me. I felt my heart twist painfully in my chest as he got up and walked out the room. I let out a shaky breath as a tear rolled down my cheek. Wiping it quickly I looked at the ring sat in its box all snug and safe. I closed the lid slowly and placed it on his side of the bed before I could even decide what to do.

Should I leave him alone?

Should I try to speak to him?

This could all be nothing, but then it could be something and that something was enough to turn a happy moment into what looked to be a nightmare for him.

My eyes landed on the holdall on the floor, I began to question how many holdalls I would need when Zak threw me out of his house. I thought about how I would find a new home that I could afford after being so used to Zak's home.. Our home.

I guess the small mercy was that I know where he stood on having children. Even if it was a kick in the gut.

Should I go?

Should I just pack a bag and leave him to deal with all this?

I had so many questions in my mind that I hadn't realised he was back in the room until he grabbed my wrist.

"Owh." I moaned pulling it from his grip.

"I- Just get in the car." He spoke leaving the room quickly.

"What car?" I asked confused as I followed him out the lodge, I hadn't realised that Zak had picked up a hire car and drove it back this morning.

I watched as he unlocked it and climbed in quickly making me open the door.

"Zak what ar-"

"Get in Kaylee. Now!"

I got in and closed the door instantly looking at him "Belt." He spoke with clenched teeth.

Suppressing the shudder that wanted to rip through my body from how cold he sounded I pulled it on and kept my head low. The only time I moved was to hold the door handle from how fast he was going into Dillon.

"Can you slow down?" I asked seeing the speedo reach into triple figures. For me this speed was far too fast, but he seemed to have control of the car with ease. Even looking at me as I finished my question.

"You're on the pill." He said making me look over. "Right? Yo- Implant? I thought you were on the fucking pill!" He shouted slamming his hand against the steering wheel. I watched as he put his foot down more.

"Zak please.. Slow down."

"How could you be so stupid?!" He yelled.

I scoffed "It's joint effort pal!"

"I can't remember everything!" He responded.

"DITTO!"

He growled and shook his head turning his concentration back to the road. "I can't fucking believe this.. I can't fucking believe you."

Me?

"Me?!" I asked.

"Yeah! When were you gonna say something? When you were 6 months and it was too late to do anything?! Was that your plan?!"

"My plan?! My only plan right now is to make this car journey alive considering your fucking driving!"

His foot slammed down hard on the brake causing the wheels to lock and the car to heave forward hard as we skidded down the road. I closed my eyes until the car jolted to a stop. Once I looked up the belt was off and I was out the car.