Demons without Desire

Fight.. Fight for me!

I guess I chose wrong..

I had been sat in the bedroom for over an hour looking at a packed bag on the floor, I had as much as I could carry and was ready to leave but my heart ached. Everything in my body was telling me this wasn't suppose to go down like this.

But then again neither was the investigation. Maybe we could go back to being friends and this time with benefits? Don't be ridiculous Kaylee. You are both too involved for that now.

Zak was in the kitchen, so that left me a few moments to take the door and avoid a goodbye.. I hated goodbyes. Wiping tears from my cheeks I grabbed the bag and swung it over my shoulder and heading for the door.

As I opened it I faltered seeing Zak sat on the floor reading the book, he looked up and then noticed the bag on my shoulder. "You're going..."

I shrugged "I think it might be for the best."

He closed the book slowly and got up off the floor looking at me dead in the eye, pinching my lips together I held back a cry knowing this would be it and no friendship was coming out of this.

"Then get the fuck out.." He growled.

"Zak."

"Go. Everyone always fucking LEAVES ME!" He yelled throwing the book down the hall and walking into the lounge.

I choked on my tears and headed for the front door when the rosary beads swung out enough to catch my eyes. I stopped and picked them up in my hand, before turning my hand into a fist. Anger seemed to be another emotion present in my heart as I dropped the bag and stormed into the house to find him. I saw and heard him in the kitchen as he swiped the kitchen island clean and kicked the breakfast bar stool across the room as he yelled angrily. Flying into the kitchen I pulled him around and slapped him as hard as I could across the face. It must have hurt as his head stayed to the side and my hand went from stinging to burning hot.

"YOU! YOU JACKASS! I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!" I screamed punching his chest. "YOU BLAME ME AND I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY OKAY! I GET IT! I'M FUCKED UP! BUT YOU DO NOT BLAME ME!!!"

I could see the welt on his face appearing and I instantly regretted hitting him but I was hurt.. I was mad and he was making it worse with not responding.

"SAY SOMETHING!! FIGHT FOR ME!" I screamed in his face, he twisted his head and looked at me.  His hands seized my collar and I was shoved hard against the fridge.

My body shook under his hands as we stared at each other "Do not.. Hit me."

"Is that it?" I cried as his hands let go of my collar.

"I'm not going to force or beg you to stay. I won't beg or force you to stay. If you want to walk then get the fuck out. If I mean anything to you.. ANYTHING?! You'll take that bag and put it back in the fucking bedroom.."

"I need help Zak! I need to know what I'm suppose to do here!"

"It's not my choice to make! You know my answer! You decide!" He spat shoving his finger against my chest. "You want out? Fine. Go! But I won't fucking follow and once you walk out.. There ain't no coming back!"

I shook my head wondering where the man I had fallen for had gone.

Had I caused all this? Had I pushed him to the max? Pushed him as far as he could go and now I was left with this?

'You're nothing but a waste of space!' Eric's words chewed inside of me as the comparisons between himself and Zak grew.

"You're turning into him..." I whispered in disbelief.

"Who? Eric? Maybe it's not me?! Hmm? Maybe it's you and the effects you have on people!"

"Go to hell." I swallowed, shoving past him leaving the kitchen.

With tears streaming down my cheeks I grabbed my hold-all bag by the front door and pulled the door open leaving.