Demons without Desire

Talking to the moon.

I waited..

Looking between the three men I waited for one of them to laugh but neither did.

They were serious.

I picked up the contract and read the first page before putting it down.

"Why?" I asked looking at Zak.

"Why? I expected a thank you." He answered.

"I don't understand. I- how?"

He looked at me as if I had three heads but it was Aaron who stepped in. "Ash was attacked.. On the last lockdown. She's left the show because of a strong attachment, that has knocked her. Badly."

I blinked. "She's coming back though... Right?" I asked looking at Aaron and Billy who shook their heads.

"It's terrified her. She's tough but she's out. We've all spoke to her, but she's adamant."

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" I asked looking at Zak who was chewing his thumbnail.

"Cause it's my fault.. I let her go in alone. I thought she was going to be okay! She was until.. Well until the forest and then things went terrible."

I sat back and looked at Aaron's knee in a brace and then at Zak who was looking at the ground.

"Is she gonna be okay?" I asked looking at Billy.

"We don't know. Jay said he will keep us informed but I don't know.." I nodded and picked up the contract to look in to it.

"And now you want me to put myself in Ash's shoes? Take her job?" I asked knowing full well she was a still photographer.

"No, I want you to be part of the crew, cover her job whilst she's away. I want her back in with us. We're a family." Zak answered.

For some reason that stung, it felt like I wasn't family.. Not like the small family they had. I placed the contract down on the table. "What about my opportunities?"

Zak swallowed and then it all made sense..

"I don't follow my dream.. I work for yours." I spoke.

"That's not how it sounds.. Okay yes you'll be working for me b-"

"But not investigating.." I interrupted. "I'll be a a stand in until Ash comes back. Then I'm left with nothing.."

"Nothing?" Zak asked. "Explain to me what you actually have right now? You have nothing Kaylee."

I scoffed and picked up the contract. "You're right." I spoke standing up.

"And here I was thinking you cared for my future like I care for yours. I guess I'm not family material." I bit and pushed the contract into his chest going back to bed.

Maybe I had been hasty, but I had an opportunity to show the channel what I could do, get somewhere, have my own little show, something I wanted and Zak was asking me to give it all up for him?

Was he being selfish? Was I being selfish for saying no?

These opportunities are once in a life time and I know I've only got this shot from who I'm with.. But I've never wanted to extort my relationship with Zak. I've never used it to my advantage, it's not something I'm willing to bargain with.

I have nothing... Maybe I don't have a flash collection of cars, a big house with an endless bank account. But I had my pride and I had common sense. I had my experience and I had knowledge.

............

The sun was long gone and the night had been around for a while before Zak crept into the bedroom. I had pulled the single chair to the window and had been watching the moon for a while.

"Ready to talk?" He asked from behind me.

"You know.. Whenever we argue or have a disagreement. I feel like the bad party." I spoke before standing up.

Sat on the bed he pushed his mouth to the side "I'm tired. Seriously tired of it all Zak. Just tell me what you want to hear and I'll say it."

He frowned and stood up "I want you safe.."

"But I am. I'm right here." I answered rubbing my forehead.

"Not when you are away, not when I'm away. Kaylee. Ash was strong, real strong and it broke her. Like she was nothing but a twig. Li-"

"I can handle it."

"You think you can sweetie. But look what happened when you came back.. You know I still see those bruises, the marks, the scratches and even hear you begging me to make it all stop. It hurt me.. In here." He pointed to his chest making me lower my head.

"I'm scared for you. I'm entitled to be. Two warnings you've had. What if the third pushes you over? What if there is no coming back?" He asked.

"You do it all the time."

"I've been doing this for years."

"And I grew up in the presences of ghosts Zak. I'm not an amateur to the paranormal."

"I just want you with me.." He sighed.

"Until Ash comes back! Then I'm gone, she's back in her job which is rightly so but I'm left with nothing! No chance to get my future. No chance of owning a house like this and driving a car like the ones you own! I will have nothing." I explained.

"You'll have me.." He answered looking up. "Or is that it? You don't want this? Is that what you meant by being tired?"

I shook my head "No.. I meant I'm tired of constantly fighting against you. Butting heads and squabbling. I want to go back to the times of us being us. When did this go all so wrong?!" I asked throwing my hands out in annoyance.

"When I lied.." He admitted.

"And we've been fighting since.. Tooth and nail to keep our heads above water. Aren't you tired?" I asked.

"Exhausted if I'm honest." He sighed rubbing his eyes.

"Are you telling me that we should take time apart then?" He asked looking back up at me.

I shrugged "I don't want to. I just want us to be happy. It's just one thing after another right now.. Can you remember when we used to have fun? Can you remember the little things Zak?"

"If you're asking me if I remember the messages and day at Bonnie springs? Then yes. I think of it every time we argue."

"You remember it because things were simpler.." I answered sitting back in the chair looking up at the moon again.

"This whole job opportunity was suppose to be your chance and getting your name out there. Kay, we can get you the shot again. But right now I feel it's best for both us to be together. Home and work." Zak explained.

I nodded and took a breath "What am I to you? Honestly?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well I see you and Gracie as my family Zak.. But in that room earlier I couldn't have felt any further away from you. Maybe it's me.. Maybe I'm just reading too much into all of it?" I questioned myself as Zak appeared crouching in front of me.

"You're mine.. Always. You and Gracie are my family." He whispered moving my hair back from my face.

"Really?"

"Of course.." He answered wiping a stray tear that had escaped my eye.

"Then I'll think about it."

He smiled "Yeah?"

I nodded making his smile grow bigger "Okay, that's good." He gave me a kiss and held my face for a few seconds before leaving me and taking a shower.

Sitting back in the seat I looked to the moon for some reassurance that things were gonna be okay.