Seven Wings of the Damned (BTS)

Two- The Lonely Observer

| Monday, August 1 2016 |

Everything was so dark. I couldn't see. Where was I? What was this place? Why did it feel so sad? It felt so depressing. Where was everyone?

"Mother?" I tried to call out, but my voice only echoed through the hollow darkness I had somehow become submersed in. What had become of me? Was I dead?

This was my fault. I did this. I created this misery for myself. If only I had done what I was supposed to and listened. If only I hadn't shamed my mother for being a disgrace to my kind. If I was dead, it wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. I deserved death. I deserved every bit of this. The hatred I had for myself only grew. It wrapped itself around my heart and clenched with a deathly strain.

I relaxed among the empty space that surrounded me. This was it. I wasn't okay with it, but at the same time I was. I had to accept that this was what was to become of me.

Then, through the endless darkness, a light began to appear. Like a star in this mundane world's night sky. A single shimmer that seemed to put my body at ease. A gentle twinkle of hope that burst through the cold and wretched blackness of this lonely space. It began to grow. Like a hole slowly growing through a decaying surface. Flaking at the now paper-like picture of black all around me. And I began to see what existed within the light. A sky. A beautiful, untouchable morning sky that sat above calm waters of an infinite ocean below. My senses began to come back once again as my body severed itself from unconsciousness. I opened my eyes fully and sighed out a relieving breath.

I stayed there watching the ocean in front of me. The waves kissed the shore, washing up with a rim of foam and then once again receding back to the full body where its expanse went beyond the horizon. The sound of the morning seagulls and ocean waves was the only sense of peace I had experienced here in this world. The true nature of Earth's existence was at my feet. The events of life had ended and created themselves continuously right before me. The hatching of sea turtle eggs last night had been the last of my sight before I had fallen to sleep. This morning, a small fox that burrowed himself not far from the shore, in the grasslands beyond the sands, was sitting at the edge of the waves, finishing the remains of a late hatching turtle that must've emerged from its egg this morning.

What was I in this day and night and life and death cycle that happened before my eyes for the past month here? I was just an observer. A lonely, unnoticed disturbance to the natural flow of what happened here at this very ocean shore way before I came. I was an outcast. The seagulls were the only creatures that noticed me. Mainly because I returned with an extra slice of bread to crumble up for them at night. I destroyed the natural behavior of their hunt. They depended on me to bring that extra food for them. Even here, I was a disgrace. I tarnished the very fact that this place had seemed to be untouched by human hands in such a long time. The only proof of human influence over this shore was the tall and rusty tower that extended several stories into the sky.

Sometimes, I would climb my way to the very top just to feel closer and more connected with the sky once again. The feeling was never the same as when I had wings to fly among the beautiful sky. But, it was the closest I could get to what I once had. It was almost a sense of security I could create for myself, even if it was false.

I sat up slowly and stretched until my body relieved itself of the morning tiredness. The warm sun radiated over the land, warming the metal of the tower platform beneath me. I stood up torpidly. It was yet another beautiful morning. But, again, I was reluctant to face it and wallowed in my regret. I let my mind drown itself in my own self-hatred.

After I had balanced myself properly on my feet, I picked up my satchel, which I had used as a pillow for the night, and climbed down the first platform of the tower to the ground. I began my languid walk into the city. This was my new routine. A depressing one, but the only option I had.