Avengers Imagines

I Just Want This...I Want You- Bucky Barnes

(Female Reader)

"You have to tell him." You'd heard this phrase from your good friend Natasha so much in the past few weeks, your response became a reflex.

"No," you replied, again, bluntly, not looking up from your book.

"Come on, Y/N, you've liked him for five months. And I've only known for two weeks, thanks for that, by the way. Really feel like you trust me," Nat teased, and you rolled your eyes through a smirk. "After all this time, you've gotta be dying to tell him at this point." You sighed, sliding further down the couch.

"On the contrary, time has made me want shove these feelings down as far as I can, because it's given me time to think of all the ways it could go wrong," you said flatly, and you saw Nat roll her eyes out of the corner of yours.

"Come on Y/N just tell him!" she almost shouted out of frustration and it wasn't even her issue.

"No!" you laughed lightly. "You want to hear it in Russian? Нет." This time, she laughed and behind the both of you on the couch, two people wandered into the living room.

"Hey ladies, what's so funny?" You both turned as you recognized Steve's voice, but Steve wasn't alone, and you tried to minimize the look of panic on your face. Steve and Bucky walked through the living room, toward the kitchen, and you not so subtly spun around to read again.

"Oh, Y/N just made a joke, that's all," Nat smirked, taking a sip of her wine.

"A joke?" Steve called from the kitchen as him and Bucky grabbed water bottles from the fridge. You couldn't help but peek over your book to see Bucky's chiseled arms and sweaty chest that was almost all visible due to his muscle shirt. "Can we hear it Y/N?" Your attention was yanked away from Bucky and towards Steve. You only hoped no one in the room could see the blush on your cheeks.

"U-Uh, y-you guys wouldn't- I don't think- I-It's not a uh, funny j-joke," you replied, eyes darting around the floor, and you sighed after stuttering colossally.

The guys seemed slightly confused by your behavior, and they exchanged a look before walking back toward the hallway they came from. "Alright, if you don't want to tell us, don't sweat it Y/N," Steve said awkwardly, and you waited for both of them to be out of earshot before letting go of the breath you were apparently holding. You let the book flop out of your grip, and buried your face in your hands.

"I don't think I've ever witnessed something so awkward," Natasha said slowly as you groaned into your hands.

"I've lost the ability to speak around him, oh my God..." you muttered, pulling your hair back with both hands.

"Okay, I think your feelings for Bionic Man Barnes have reached terminal velocity. If you don't tell him, it will only get worse. Besides, at this point, you can't blame me if I say something. I keep so many secrets, something's bound to slip out," she smirked, and you groaned again, knowing she had a point.

***

You never expected anyone to convince you to tell Bucky how you felt about him, yet there you stood in front of his door. You pulled at your fingers, trying to keep yourself from knocking on the door, but the sound echoed in your ears anyway, and your knuckles stung slightly from the knock. Nerves were pooling like lead in your stomach, almost like it was weighing down. All you could think about was all the ways this could go wrong, and if you should even be doing this.

Suddenly Bucky's radiant blue eyes were staring at you instead of a door, and they conveyed an almost happy confusion. "Y/N? What's up? Are you alright?" he questioned, clearly confused you were at his door.

"Y-yeah, everything's fine, uh, could I maybe come in for a sec?" Your question came out uneasily as your eyes darted from the floor to the door frame, and finally his eyes. A soft smile appeared on his lips.

"Yeah, of course," he answered, gesturing you inside his room. Your fingers still pulled at each other as your carefully padded into his room. At a quick glance, anyone with eyes would say his room was a mess, but a close look by someone who knew Bucky, would see that it was organized chaos. Newspapers and ripped out journal entries almost covering the walls and floors, those on the former connected by various strings, one side of the bed completely made while the other was a mess that was rarely used anyway. He was still trying to piece his life together. "Did you want to talk about something, Y/N?" You were snapped out of concentration by Bucky's question, and now your concentration was trained on him.

"Um, I actually uh did. I've been having this, feeling, for a while now, and I didn't know how to talk to you about it.. I still don't, but a certain pushy redhead has officially pushed too far," you chuckled a bit, as did Bucky since he'd experienced it before too. "I like you," you suddenly blurted out, and Bucky stopped laughing. "A lot, actually. Maybe even love you. Even the things I should hate about you, I love. I think the way you fight is absolutely graceful and mesmerizing, and it doesn't happen much, but your smile...it's amazing, Bucky. I could go on, trust me I could, and I plan to, eventually. So, I guess what I'm trying to get at is..if you want to, I'd love to, maybe go out for a drink?" Your confidence had fluctuated throughout your confession, and while it felt like the weight was lifted off you, it still hung menacingly over your head. But, that weight came crashing down onto you when you saw Bucky's almost sympathetic face.

"Y/N," No.. "Look, I appreciate you telling me," God, please no.. "And I do care about you," This can't be happening.. "But only as a friend." You felt as if your heart was actively cracking in your chest, and never thought you'd have to when it came to Bucky. Some part of you always thought he felt the same. Now you just felt utterly exposed.

"I, uh," your voice was as cracked as a broken window, and you blinked away tears that were starting to gather in your eyes. "I understand... I'm sorry, I said a-anything," was all you managed to say, and you swiftly pushed past Bucky, and toward his door. Out of your peripheral vision, you could see him saying something, but didn't register any sound. You maneuvered your way out of the door despite his effort to stop you, and walked as quickly and as unassumingly as you could away from his room. You couldn't get two feet without tears breaking free from your eyes, despite your best efforts.

***

Another shiver ran down your body when yet another gust of chilling wind blew past you. You sat curled up in a corner of the roof for about four hours now. You didn't want to see anyone since, well... In your spontaneous confession to Bucky, you'd realized, you had fallen in love with the Winter Soldier. It was a deeper feeling than you previously thought, which made his rejection burn that much more. You felt like an absolute idiot after telling Bucky how you felt, so much so you considered becoming a mute, and in the midst of wallowing in your self pity, you heard two voices below you on a balcony a few floors of the Stark Tower down.

"Bucky, what the hell's going on?" A voice you knew belonged to Steve asked to, well probably, Bucky.

"I made a mistake. A huge mistake, and I need help."

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Wowww look who's back from yet another unwanted hiatus! I'm sooooo sorry guys, I feel like I've been saying this on every chapter for a while now but I'm so sorry I haven't been updating! Believe me, I've wanted to I've just been so God damn busy these past months, I just haven't had the time to write which is so infuriating. Thank you thank you thank you to anyone who's stuck with me through these unwanted hiatus' and I really do want to update more frequently! Thanks for reading you guys, vote, comment, and request! Love you guys so much!