'I Promise' {T.F. Fan Fiction} (COMPLETED) (EDITING)

Cut, Cut, Cut

Mia's POV

I know my life is going great, but I don't feel like it is.

It's all surrounded by guilt and pain.

Why does life have to be so hard? I don't understand why life can't be easy, and have no pain involved. It's like everyday something goes wrong in my life, and I'm just sick of it. I almost lost Tanner because of a stupid decision I MADE. He keeps on telling me it's not my fault, but I know it is, and I can't stop feeling the guilt. Why won't it go away?!

Im sick of feeling guilt all the god damn time! HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO LIVE, IF IM DROWNING IN GUILT? Tanner is like my rock, he keeps me sane. But I can barely look at him. Not without seeing him on the floor, bleeding, and tears in his eyes. How can I be okay without being able to look at the one thing that keeps me sane? Easy, just don't live.

This is depression.

It takes over your thought, until all you can think about it killing your self. It's like a virus, it won't stop. Not unless you try, but I'm sick of trying. It never works, it just keeps on coming back. It haunts me like a ghost. I can't take it anymore! I can't stand it! Tanner tries his hardest to help, but it doesn't work, and it never will. Not unless I'm not here to hear it.

I'm contemplating life and death. I want to live. But I want to die.

Live and death.

They are basically the same thing right now. I feel like I'm dead, but I'm alive. I've never been this depressed before in my life, and my life has been surrounded by it.

I need my razor.

I've been sitting on my bed contemplating this for 2 hours now. I told Tanner that I had work to do, which was or course a lie. I always feel bad lying to Tanner, he doesn't deserve it. He didn't deserve being shot either idiot.

The voice in my head keeps saying that.

I mean think about it. Tanner didn't deserve any of this. His life could be rainbows, lollipops, and kittens right now, but no. I came in his life, like a wreaking ball, and destroyed everything good. If we didn't get paired up for that project, everything would be different. I probably wouldn't be depressed, Tanner wouldn't have to worry about me 24/7, and life would be more simple.

Just kill yourself.

What do I have to live for?

I got off my bed, and walked to my dresser and opened one of the drawers. At the very bottom of my clothes I feel something cold, sharp, and metal. I grabbed and pulled it out. My old, trusty razor. God knows how many times I've used this baby.

I feel like I should talk to Tanner before I leave. At least he would here my voice before I left him. I grabbed my phone and dialed his number.

Hello?

Hi Tanner!

Hey Miapia! What's up?

Nothin much just wanted to talk to. I'm swamped with work and I just needed to here your voice

Aw. I miss you. Want me to come over?

No no it's fine. We probably wouldn't be doing anything anyway. Too much work.

Damnit. Okay, well wanna hang tomorrow?

I knew this would be hard. I want to say "No because I'm not going to be alive tomorrow, but I can't let Tanner know what I'm doing.