Left Behind

Suffocating

After dinner Jessica sat outside admiring the water that trickled down the narrow stream. She distanced herself from her family so she could relax and recoup. She loved being with Ann and the kids and taking care of them but it was so much harder then she thought. Ann still wasn't the same and Jessica didn't expect her to go back to herself. The kids always wanted Jessica's attention when they got home and she was non stop running them around.

On top of everything being back home brought so many memories to Jessica's mind. The memories of her father, the places they used to spend time together at, and Danny. She thought about him and hoped one day she would run into him so she could see what he looked like.

The energy and sadness that surrounded everybody reminded Jessica of how it was with Al died. How everyone was a mess, nobody wanted to do anything, tears flowed down everyone's face daily. Jessica couldn't help but have sorrow for the kids, they were only so young. And Ann, just losing her husband at thirty-five, with three young children. Her heart melted for them. All she wanted to do was be there for them and help.

Seeing her mom was one of the hardest things, they never got along. She loved her mom and her mom loved her, but the relationship Jessica had with her mother was nothing close to what she had with her father. They always fought, Dorthy always wanted Jessica to be something different, and Dorthy never wanted Jessica to leave town.

**
"Jessica?" Dorthy says in a soft voice.

Jessica turns her body and looks at Dorthy who
stood above her with two glasses of iced tea.

"Do you mind if I join?"

Jessica shakes her head and moves over.

"I haven't been able to talk to you much since you got here."

"Isn't that how it usually goes?" Jessica chuckles to herself.

"It doesn't have to be like that Jess."

Jessica cleared her throat and played with her pony tail holder that was wrapped around her wrist.

"How have you been? How's work?"

"Works good, just busy. It will be crazy when I get back."

"Are you happy?" Dorthy says faintly

"Yes. I'm happy."

"You were always happy. I remember when you were young and just full of so much light. It made me so proud to call you mine."

"Cut the bullshit."

"What?"

"You beat me up everyday for being different, and it killed you that dad and I were close. You know it."

"Jessica, why are you being like this."

"Because!"

"I worry about you. You never call, you never call any of us."

"I never really did after I left, mom."

"Ever since your father died you just left. You left us in the dust. I know you took his death the hardest but I still worry about you and how you are, if you're unhappy, sometimes if you are okay mentally and physically. I love you and it breaks my heart that we were never close, I can only blame myself. I miss you Jessica. And I know you still have heartbreak, we all do. I wish I could just take it away. I'm sorry for how I left things and the things I said four years ago. It just confused me as to why you would want to leave everything behind. Danny, your friends, and family. I didn't want to see you leave. Out of all my kids you were most like me. Seeing apart of me leave and not knowing when they would come back killed me."

"I'm happier away from home. It kills me coming back home, to see what I left behind. But then again I'm away from the sadness, the memories that I can't think of any longer, and I'm doing what I love. The thing that hurts the most is that you never wanted that for me. You wanted me to stay home, miserable. You didn't understand how trapped I was, I was suffocating. You wanted me to stay home, go to MSU, and get married to Danny. But I didn't want that! And dad didn't want that for me. You never supported me in anything, the things you said to me I still to this day can't get out of my mind. It doesn't matter how long it was, four years ten years I don't care, the things you said a mother should never say to their child. Dad was my best friend, and he's gone. I felt like I had nothing but that chance to leave while I could."