Left Behind

In Or Out

"Jessie, I want us to get along. I love you, you're my daughter. I hate this anger that you have towards me." Dorthy says

Jessica was silent. She looked down at her hands playing with her charm bracelet. Al had gotten it for Jessica when she first started senior year.

"I know you miss him. I know you took it the hardest. If I could take away your pain I would. I'm just so proud of you Jessica. My biggest regret is not showing it.

A big reason I didn't want you to leave is because having you around was like having your father around. The way you walk, the way you talk about sports with such enthusiasm, how you make everyone smile. It just reminds me so much of him." Dorthy begins crying.

Jessica looks at her mother with teary eyes.

"I'm sorry mom." Jessica moves closer to her.

Dorthy wraps her arms around Jessica and holds her.

"You make me so proud. And I know that your dad is up there saying "that's it Jessie"."

"Heh. I just hate being home. It's not you, it's me."

Dorthy breaks their hug and puts her hand on Jessica's upper arm.

"I understand. I'm sorry you feel this way, you shouldn't feel this way about your home."

"I just do."

"I missed you so much."

**

A few days later-

Jessica felt so much better fixing things with her mom. She felt like weights were finally lifted off her shoulders.

For the next few days Jessica still stayed with Ann helping her with the kids.

After Jessica dropped them off at school she went back to Ann's to get some work done.

When she walked in Ann was no where to be seen.

"Ann?" Jessica says walking through the house.

Jessica suddenly herd a thump from upstairs.

She quickly ran up the stairs into Ann's room.

Everything was trashed. Jimmy's clothes were everywhere and picture frames were broken.

She looked to her left and saw that the office door was open.

Jessica slowly walked down the hallway and looked in to see Ann scrambling through Jimmy's things and his pictures.

"Ann, what are you doing?"

Ann turns around with mascara down her face.

"That dick! That fucking asshole!" She screams throwing papers down.

It was impossible for Jessica to get to Ann. Pictures, ripped up papers, and furniture was scattered around the room.

"Ann..." Jessica tries to get to her.

"He left me. He left us. He can't do this! I'm tired of people dying and leaving. Why can't I leave? Huh?"

"Don't say that Ann."

Jessica steps over everything and sits next to Ann.

"I found a letter in Quinn's room, saying how angry he is and how he hates life. Jimmy ruined my children's childhood. He ruined my life."

"I can't be happy. I'm trying to be strong for them but I can't.

Jimmy left me with so much debt. I can't pay off this. I can't afford anything. I can't do this alone. I'm so scared."

"You have social security Ann, that will help you. But Jimmy gave you the best years of your life, he loved you."

"It's not about the money. It's about being alone. I'm alone, forever."

"You aren't alone, you have me, and the kids. You have mom, Jane, and Jimmy's family. No one said you had to be alone."

"I feel so alone. You'll be leaving soon.I have no one to hold me at night, I don't have Jimmy to tell me how much he loves me, I can't tell him how much I love him. I never realized how much he really really really meant to me until he was gone. He always meant so much to me, but now... I can't explain."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'll stay longer, I promise...

You can still tell him. He's watching over you. He can hear you."

"There's no heaven. There's no god. If there was a god he wouldn't take away Jimmy!" Ann slams the ground and sobs.

"The pain I went through when dad died, I would never wish that on my worst enemy. Now my kids are going through that pain. Jim will never get to see them grow up. He's missing it all. Kali will never even remember him."

"Do you remember what dad said to us, that day in the hospital room?"

"No."

"He said, no matter how far I may be when I die, I will still watch over you. I won't be able to take away all the bad things in life, but I will help you fix them and overcome your obstacles."

"I do remember."

"I go by that everyday Ann, you should too."

"I miss Jimmy so much. I just want to hold him." Ann throws herself onto Jessica and sobs.

"I know, I know."

**

Jessica helped clean up the messes and put Ann in her room to relax. After a few hours she was finally able to get some work done.

When she went to check her phone she saw thirteen missed calls from Mark, her boss.

"Shit." She sighs calling him back.

"Mark, hello?"

"Jessica, do you know how to answer your phone?"

"Sorry, I was just having some family-"

"Anyways, we have a critic that's reviewing NY MAG. I want our best work out there for him to read. We need the ratings."

"Okay..."

"I need you to get your ass back home. I need my best writers on board to help."

"Mark, I'm so thrilled. But this is such a bad time."

"Jessica, you're either in or out. If you're out then I have to cut you."

"Cut me? Mark!"

"In or out."

Jessica let out a sigh then ran her fingers through her hair.

"In or out Jessica."

"In. When do you need me."

"I emailed you your tickets. Be in my office tomorrow night."

Before Jessica could say bye Mark hung up.

Jessica threw her phone and let out a deep sigh.

"What an ass."