Left Behind

It Was Me, Not You

Danny stood there in shock. Jessica's body shook. She felt so sick. She sobbed uncontrollably. She waited for Danny to say something.

He backed up for a few steps at looked at her with a deceiving look.

Jessica looked at her car and unlocked it.

"Fine, I'm going to go." She whispers

"Wait!" Danny says

"What Danny?" Jessica turns around

"When were you pregnant?"

"Before my dad died."

"Was it mine? I mean I know it was but... I just need to process this." Danny says curiously

Jessica looks down at the ground and moves her hands around. She nods softly.

"Where is the baby? Did you have it?"

Jessica was quite for a moment. All she wanted to do was scream. She was screaming inside.

"I can't do this Danny, it's too hard for me." Jessica covers her face. Danny examined her body and saw how upset she was. He walked up close to her and wrapped his arms around her. She rested her head on his shoulder as she cried.

"I lost it... I lost the baby. The day of my dads funeral. It was too hard for me to tell anyone. I wanted to tell you when I found out but I didn't know how you'd react. I was afraid you wouldn't want me to have the baby, and then suddenly I lost the baby." Jessica cries even more. Danny didn't really know what to think. He always thought Jessica left because of another man or she didn't love him anymore... but a pregnancy never crossed his mind.

"I'm so sorry Jessica, that you had to go through that all alone. I wouldn't have been mad, I loved you... I mean I still do. You didn't deserve to go through that alone and I'm sorry. I wish you had told me. It must have been a lot on you."

"I didn't tell you because once again I was afraid as to how you would react. I was nervous that you would not only be mad at me for not telling you about being pregnant but maybe blame me for losing the baby. It was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. I couldn't bare facing you and telling you. The doctors told me it wasn't my fault... But I still felt like it was. I'm so sorry for breaking your heart and leaving. But you deserved better. I was just a depressed mental case, you didn't need me." Jessica takes a deep breath and crosses her arms.

"Jessie... I'm sorry that you felt that way, I'm sorry about everything. Making you feel afraid, feeling like you couldn't come to me, and feeling like you didn't deserve me. I wish I knew so I could be there for you! I get why you left now..."

"It wasn't you Danny... it was me. I just hope one day you can forgive me."

"I don't need to forgive you." Danny takes Jessica's hands and holds them to his chest. He looks at her watery eyes and wipes her tears with his thumb.

"Does anyone else know?"

"Just Sarah. After my dads funeral I told her I needed to go to the hospital. That's why no one was able to find me that night. That's the night it happened..." Jessica coughs a bit then breaths lightly trying to calm herself down.

"I don't know what to say. I feel like a piece of shit not being there and not knowing. Being angry all these years... I never knew. Now I know what you went through and my heart hurts. I just wish I could have changed things."

"Danny don't do that to yourself. You aren't a piece of shit. You were the best boyfriend, ever. I miss you everyday and hope that a girl gets lucky with you like I did. I just knew that after losing the baby that it would change us in ways we would hate. It's selfish of me to keep it a secret. You deserved to know. At the time Danny, I was so depressed. I didn't have the right mind set. I panicked... And you even know after my dad died I became more distant with you and we didn't talk as much, it's like we were already drifting I just needed to get out of Minnesota and leave and not look back. That's what I did. I changed in so many ways. Ways in which I wish I didn't, but in ways that I consider a blessing. I wish everyday that we could have met our baby. But we were so young... it kills me thinking that it could have been my fault, but over the years Ive told myself it wasn't my fault. And I've come to my senses that it wasn't. Sadly, it wasn't meant to be. I never meant to hurt you, I only wanted to protect you. I just want you to be happy and have the best life possible Danny. I hope that you've met someone that really makes you happy. And this whole mess, don't think that there was something you could've done, because there was nothing you could have done. It was all me, not you." Jessica held onto Danny's hand and caressed his cheek.