Left Behind

I Want You To Be Proud

Jessica sat in her room with her head buried into her pillow. She sobbed and sobbed. Her and her mother never saw eye to eye, but this is something she has wanted forever. To go to NYU and get away from Minnesota.

After a couple hours Dorthy came into Jessica's room.

"Jessie?" She said in a mellow tone.

Jessica said nothing. She sat at the ledge of her window looking outside.

"I'm so sorry." She says

"Are you?" Jessica turns to her with puffy read eyes.

"I didn't mean the things I said. I just don't want you moving away. It scares me."

"It doesn't scare me."

"But I'm your mother, I have to worry about you everyday.

The thing is Jessica, I feel like if I let you go I will lose you. Losing your father was so hard, for all of us. You moving away for college is like losing another part of our family."

"It's not like I'm dying. I'm going to college. Just because Ann and Jane decided to stay in town doesn't mean I'm like them. I want to get out of here. Everyone has pity for me in this town and it drives me insane!"

"You've always wanted to leave Minnesota. What if you never come back?" Tears flow from Dorthy's face.

"This is what I want to do. I'm going. If you were paying it would be a different story, but I earned this. I worked four years for this."

"Please don't go Jessica." Dorthy says

"If this was Ann or Jane you would let them go. But you have them wrapped around your finger that they would stay. I'm not like them! I don't know how much I have to stress that. You've compared them to me my whole life. You never liked that I loved sports, and that I hated nail polish, dresses, and makeup. You never came to my softball games. You were jealous of dad and I's relationship. You know it. Why can you just be happy for me. I need this."

"Jessica, I don't know what to say." Dorthy looks down and covers her face.

"I think I'm going to go stay with Sarah for a while." Jessica stands up and walks towards her closet.

"What about Danny? You always said how you wanted to move in with him and get married in the future. What about everything you have at home? We are family! You are my daughter. You can't leave." Dorthy begins to sob.

"I don't want to get married! God mom!"

"Jessica please. Don't go. I'm sorry!" Dorthy gets on her knees

Jessica glances down at her mom and hides her tears from her turning away.

That night Jessica grabbed her things and left.

She got in her car and drove. She didn't know where to go. She felt broken. Emotions swam through her body. Everything was achey from crying so much.

She later decided to go see her dad for the first time.

When she stepped out of the car she saw his tombstone from a distance decorated with florescent flowers.

She took a deep breath and walked to his grave. She sat down in front of it and read his name.

"Hi daddy." She says in a shaky voice.

"You don't know how much I miss you and wish you were here. I hope you are up there watching me and protecting me.

I'm sorry for fighting with mom... I know you hated it. But she doesn't understand how much I want this. She just wants me to stay here and be a Minnesota house wife like Jane and Ann, but I don't want that. I never have.

Daddy, everything I do I do to make you proud, I just want you to be proud. Your opinion mattered so much to me.

You always said how I was just like mom and that's why we never got along. She just frustrates me so much! She was never happy for me.

Just come back dad. Be with us, we miss you. It isn't fair that you are gone. Look at all these people that miss you. Everyone from the fire station brings flowers to the house. I know they mean well, but I can't think about you being gone. When they bring flowers it just reminds me of how you were allergic and would crack a joke about it. The sadness just makes it all worse. I hate sadness. I'm so used to being raised by happiness and laughter.

I want to be like you dad, an ambitious, hardworking, intelligent, caring person. That's why I want to go to NYU, I want to be successful.

Just come back dad!"

Jessica beings to loudly sob.

"Please! You weren't suppose to leave me! You weren't  suppose to leave us! "