Only You(Tube) // A Joe Sugg FanFiction [EDITING]

Chapter 5

Within a few minutes, Joe is out the bathroom. He is wearing black swimming trunks and I can't take my eyes off his incredibly toned body as I eye him up and down, trying to pull my eyes away do as not to look as if I'm staring at him. I am. Joe clicks his fingers, waking me to reality. 'Stel?' He says, laughing.

'What? I - erm . . . I -' Joe just laughs. 'I'm going to get changed.' I say quickly, grabbing my favourite lilac two piece swimming costume. I move towards the bathroom, fairly skittish, embarrassed by what has just happen between us. Joe shoves me a little, propelling me full-force into the bathroom. I'm going so fast my leg knocks against the bathtub and I fall in face first. I don't know if it's lucky or not that there's no water in it, as I do baby my head. Joe's laughing so much he's practically crying and I realise he's vlogging.

'Joe, YOU LITTLE SHIT!' I shout, composing myself and climbing out of the bathtub, lunging at him. He stops recording, throws his camera on the bed and still has time to catch me at arms length so I can't claw at him. He puts me down, making a dash for the door. He's running down the corridor when I shout, 'I'M GOING TO GET YOU BACK SUGG!' I shut the door fairly forcefully and head into the bathroom, hesitantly. I hate this part.

I pull on my lilac bikini and stare in the mirror. My rib cage sticks out so all the bones are on show, and my hips are pointy, the skin stretched across them. There's nothing there, just bone. Pure, solid bone. My stomach is so thin it's like paper, yet I can't see it that way. To me, there's still something there, something that makes me feel like I need to suck in, I need to lose weight. It's not good enough. I'm still not skinny enough.

I had issues with food after my friends left school and I was on my own. I binge are a lot  and I did put on weight, which for a while didn't bother me. But after a while, something just changed, and I began to make myself ill - I started starving myself. And I have been since then. I eat, but not enough. Nowhere near enough. A tear falls down my cheek, and soon they're gushing like waterfalls. My lanky hands move towards my face, trying to dry the tears but failing.

I hear the doorknob turn, and seconds later see Joe standing in the doorway. I wipe my eyes and turn away from him, wrapping myself in my towel. 'I'll see you outside, Joe.' I say, refusing to look at him. He sighs.
'I'm not leaving without you.' I turn around - his face looks so hurt seeing me curled up like this, which makes me bury my face in my hands, unable to stop the few tears that are now darling down my cheeks. Joe picks up my skeleton frame which I call my body and carries it to my bed. He lays me down as I turn onto my side, unable to look at him directly as I choke on my tears. 'Stel . . . what's wrong?' He asks worriedly.

'Nothing.' I whisper, 'Go and have fun.'

'Not until you tell me what it is.' There's a long pause, until I burst out crying.

'It's not good enough!' I moan.

'What isn't?' He asks softly.

'I'm not good enough!' I point to the towel. Joe lifts it away, slowly, looking concerned that if he tugs at it he might snap me in two. Joe's face looks unbelievably worried. He cradles me in his arms. 'Estelle, you are skinny. You're too skinny!' He pauses. 'You know you're, like, anorexic, right? You need to put some weight on.'

'It's not that easy.' I sob. Joe sighs.

'I know, it's going to take some time, but you can't go on like this.' Joe says, softly. 'I'm not giving up until you put some weight on.' I don't say anything, I can't look at him. I feel as though I've failed him, and myself, by letting him see what I'm really like. 'Tell you what, let's make a start on getting better tonight.' I look up, confused. 'How about we go to dinner? You can start to eat something again, just something small. Just me and you, no one else needs to know about any of this.' What? Did Joe just asked me out? I think he did. I blush wildly, feeling slightly shocked. I nod, trying to stop my tears falling. 'Good.' He says. He sits with me until I calm down, and it's a comforting and friendly feeling.

Once I'm calm and ready to swim, I stand up. I grab my towel again and Joe grabs his too, as he forgot to in the rush to leave. Just as my hand reaches the doorknob, Joe leans in and kisses me on the cheek. I return the gesture by gentle touching the end of his nose with my forehead, a little relieved by his actions. It feels like a weight has been taken off my shoulders, and I don't want any of it to end. He looks away, slightly red. I take a breath. 'Well - um, we should go.' I say, twisting the handle and walking quickly from the room. Joe pulls me back. 'You know I have to tell your brothers you're ill.' He says.

'Oh, please don't, Joe! You have no idea what they'd do.' I panic. Joe sighs, debating.

'I'm -'

'Joe, please?' I beg.

'Fine.' He says, giving in. I nod and walk off. 'Pool's that way.' He says, pointing to the stairs that lead towards the back door for the pool. 'I knew that.' I say, turning around, smirking ever so slightly. Joe chuckles and shakes his head, following me down the steps and to the pool.