Only You(Tube) // A Joe Sugg FanFiction [EDITING]

Chapter 44: Cuts

'See, this is why I don't want you on your own.' Joe growls, squeezing my arm a little too tightly. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes as I stare at the deep cuts that ooze red blood. It has seeped onto my skin and is now on Joe's hand. 'Joe . . .' I breath, feeling faint. Joe is squeezing my arm really tight and I don't think he's realised. His expression relaxes, as does the rest of his body. The tense grip on my arm is slackened and I shake my arm back and forth a little. Joe pulls me into a tight hug and tears begin to fall from my eyes. I am completely soaking him in my tears.

'Just . . . stop.' Joe sighs worriedly. I don't so much as nod my head. It's not that easy. Joe kisses my forehead as I look up at him and he plants another kiss on my lips. I fall onto the sofa and stare at my arm. I hate this. I hate this life. All I do is stress people out and cause chaos. Why was I put on the earth to be such a fucking mess? I try and reach for the knife, but Joe sees me. He picks it up and takes it from the room.

'I thought you said you would stop cutting.'

'I never said that. And besides, I wasn't going to cut.' I argue. Joe looks confused.

'What were you going to do then?' I hesitate slightly and notice just how sick I feel. 'I was going to stab it through my stomach so I would die, but one: you saw, and two: it's not sharp enough.' That's when it comes.

Joe's face turns the palest shade I've ever seen someone's face turn. He sits down on the sofa, eyes wide and not moving from the spot where the knife lay on the floor. I'm going to be sick. Just looking at his face, so worried and lost, makes me want to vomit. I run to the bathroom and lean over the toilet just in time as the contents of my stomach is emptied. I feel someone rubbing my back and flush the contents away. 'Oh God, Joe . . .' I trail off.

'What?'

'Don't look at me.' I say, hiding my face in my jumper.

'Babe, you're not well, so I'm not leaving.' I just stand and brush my teeth quickly.

Joe scoops me up and carries me into the bedroom. I pull the covers up to my chin and Joe leaves, returning moments later with the pills and a glass of water. I take the medication quickly and feel it churning in my stomach but tell myself I will keep it down no matter what. Joe climbs into the bed with me and kisses me passionately. It actually cheers me up - Joe in general cheers me up. I kiss him back but stop when something heartbreaking flashes through my mind.

A tear slides down my cheek at the thought and soon my face is soaked. 'What's wrong?' Joe asks.
'Oh, Joe. Don't you see? The way t-things are looking -' I hesitate to tell him as the thought upsets me so much. 'Joe, I - I feel like now . . . I'm never going to be able to h-have children.' I sob. It's occurred to me that a mother needs to be there for her children and even though I wasn't planning on having kids anytime soon, I don't know how long this will take to get better. Joe puts an arm around me as I sob into his chest. 'You will. One day. We will.' What? I never said anything about Joe in this situation. He is who I want to have kids with really, but a lot could happen in that space of time.

I think I must fall asleep because the next thing I know it's two o' clock. Joe is still lying with me, and he is still asleep. I feel better now that the medicine has kicked in and is working. Joe opens his eyes and looks down at me. 'How are you feeling?' He asks, a look of worry on his face.
'Better.' I smile and stretch. He returns the smile and pulls me into him. We get up and I notice it is snowing once again. Good. I'm not in the mood to go anywhere. I give up with getting dressed and leave the living room, flopping onto the bed in our bedroom and falling asleep again.

When I wake again, it's half five. I turn over and freeze when I hear Joe's voice coming from the living room. '- Yeah, I'll be there at eight. Alright, see you then. Love you.' Is he taking off? Is he cheating on me? No, he wouldn't. He wouldn't. I get up and stumble into the living room, tripping myself up and falling flat on my face. I rub my head as I get up and see a confused Joe looking at me. I fake a large smile and sit on the end of the sofa, still curious as to the phone call but not saying anything.