Only You(Tube) // A Joe Sugg FanFiction [EDITING]

Chapter 33: Sleep

Tan arrives and immediately knows something is up. The fact I'm only dressed in jogging bottoms and a baggy t-shirt kind of gives it away. The fact that I've got no makeup on and that my eyes are still a little red as I cried quite a bit more gives it away. The fact she smiles sadly after saying hello gives it away that I've given it away. If that makes sense. I think it makes sense, but a confusing kind.

I make her a coffee and grab some biscuits before heading into the living room of my apartment, where Tan is sitting on the sofa and is about to start the film we are going to watch. I sit cross-legged next to her and press play. We laugh occasionally at the funny parts of the film and towards the end I have tears in my eyes and Tan is crying her eyes out. 'How are you not crying?' She sobs. I giggle,

'I'm tough with films and books.' It's true, I've only cried at one book and two films.

We put a happier film on after this one and chat a little more. 'So, what's up?' Tan sounds serious. I sigh. 'Well, I had a horrid dream last night. My brothers hung themselves and my mum was dead on the floor, so I woke up screaming, just as Joe was Skyping me, and he saw me crying and decided he's coming up to Newcastle.' I say in a sarcastic cheery tone. Tan frowns,

'Does he realise you have uni?'

'Yeah. That's all I talked about when I stayed at his because he asked me to move in.' Tan chokes a little on her drink but smiles.

'That's great!' She beams, but I sigh.

'Yeah, but I feel like we'd be moving too fast, seeing as we've only been dating for a month or so. But . . . I just don't want to cause him any hassle and now he's on his way to Newcastle. So it's going to be the three of us.' I explain to Tan, faking a smile. She smiles back. 'That's fine, babes. If you need anything, let me know.'

We finish the film and once the credits role, there's a knock on the door. 'That'll be Joe.' I say, finding my keys and opening the door. I open it and Joe is standing there, a sad smile on his face. 'Oh wow, Joe. I feel awful. This sets the record for the worst thing a girl can do.' I frown. Joe pulls me into a hug.

'It's not even close.' He chuckles into my hair. I let him in and he drags his suitcase into the bedroom.

'Hey, Joe!' Tan shouts from the kitchen.

'Hey, Tan. How're you?' Joe shouts back.

'Good, thanks. You?'

'I'm alright.' Joe replies cheerily. I rummage through my wardrobe and find a cream vest top, checkered red shirt and high-waisted shorts. I pull on the outfit and brush my teeth, tie my hair into a ponytail, and do very simple makeup with a red pout. I find my white frilly socks and white converse. I lace them up so only the frill from the socks can be seen from over the top of the ankle boots.

'Ready to go?' I ask Tan and Joe. They give me a confused look.

'Go where?' Tan sounds puzzled. I roll my eyes sarcastically and crack a smile.

'Out. Like, into Newcastle.' Tan nods and pulls on her shoes, as does Joe. We leave my apartment and since it's near the City Centre, we just walk. I contemplate our options whilst Joe laces our fingers together. 'So. We could go down Northumberland Street, or down towards the River Tyne, or go to the shopping centre. Oh, then there's China Town and the football stadium that way.' I point in the direction of the football stadium.

'Shall we go to Northumberland Street?' Tan suggests. Me and Joe nod.

'Alreet. Whey, we need to go that way then.' We cross the road, and it's only a five minute walk until we reach the hustle and bustle of the Main Street of Newcastle. I direct Tan and Joe to the random shops we want to go in. 'I can't wait until Christmas! The Fenwick's window is fab!' I exclaim. Last year it was loads of fairy tales and things like that; it makes my Christmas complete.

As we go in and out of more shops, I notice Tan looks more lost. 'You okay, Tan?' I question. She turns her attention to me. 'Oh yeah. The accents though . . . I'm not Northern!' I laugh at her answer. A lot of people have had really strong Geordie accents and have used some really Northern words, which Tan doesn't get.

We stop at Starbucks before heading back to my apartment, as it's getting quite late. We order Domino's pizza and settle down to watch The Inbetweeners Movie. It's ten by the time it finishes, and then we just talk and make collab videos until half eleven. By this time, Tan is leaving for her hotel room. I give her a huge hug before she leaves as I'll see her in the morning.

Joe stretches out on the sofa and yawns. I'm already changed into my pyjamas and do everything I need to do before bed within ten minutes. I crash face first into my pillow, and a minute later I feel Joe's arms wrap and around me and his familiar chuckle on the back of my neck. The lights goes out and we lay there in the dark, Joe falling asleep almost instantly.

But I'm the opposite. I lay awake, nervous about seeing my mum. Nervous to sleep after my dream. I can't do it. Joe's arms are still around me, so I can't move without disturbing him. Sleep is going to be impossible tonight, I can just tell. Like when you can see you've dislocated your shoulder or something, that's how I feel about sleep right now. That it's painful and wrong. Joe loosens his grip around me slightly, so I wriggle around for a further hour before he wakes up.

'Estelle?' He moans sleepily, 'What are you doing?'

'Urm, can't sleep . . .' I turn over again a few times before I bolt upright in the bed, sick of trying. Joe follows me into the kitchen, where I begin searching the fridge for some food. He puts a hand on my shoulder, causing me to jump upright and hit my head off the top of the fridge. I double over in pain and my legs give way, so I'm a shrivelled up mess on the floor.

'Oh my God, are you alright?' Joe sounds distressed. I rub my head as he helps me up. 'Aye, I'll be okay. Now, go back to sleep.' I say, still rubbing my head. He kisses me lightly and walks towards the bedroom. I sigh and take a seat on the sofa. What is my life? My head pounds for a further five minutes and I begin to feel cold, so I make my way to the bedroom. I crawl under the quilt, desperate for sleep. Joe wraps an arm around me and plants a kiss on my neck just before he falls into a deep sleep.

So I lie there until four o' clock, half four, five. By the time it's twenty five past five, I get up, as it's light already. It got light at about half three, but it took Joe a while to loosen his grip. I slither from under his arms and find my way to the kitchen. I make myself a coffee and some pancakes. I sit down and find a decent film to watch. Bridesmaids is my choice. After watching this, I grab some clothes as quietly as possible to avoid waking a sleeping Joe. I then creep to the kitchen and grab a sharp knife from the drawer without thinking.