♪Life Saver♪ {Shawn Mendes}

Chapter 14

(Emily pov)

Ava and Shawn.

My heart fell. It wasn't even broken it was shattered. I was afraid of letting people in. I was afraid that they would hurt me.

Ava and Shawn were shirtless and kissing.

Tears fell from my face.

"Shawn" I croaked out

They broke the kiss and Shawn turned around to face me.

"Hey Em." He said nervously. He grabbed his shirt and put it back on. He walked over to me and I backed away. "Em please let-" I cut him off.

"I don't want to hear you lame excuse." I said walking into the hallway

"Em wait." He said and gripped onto my wrist.

"Get off of me." I said pushing his hand away

"Em please let me explain."

"I don't want to hear your excuses. Why don't you go back in there with that slut, you obviously love her more." I yelled with tears coming down my face. "You said you would never hurt me and that you'll be there for me. That was just one big lie. How could you do this to me? Just go back in there and fuck your whore." I yelled

"Maybe I will." Shawn said and stormed back into the room slamming the door behind him.

Are you serious?!?!?

Did he really just say that?

I'm such an idiot. To think he actually cared.

I ran down the stairs and out the house. I heard someone call after me and it wasn't Shawn that's for sure. 

I ran all the way home and stormed into the house and up to my room.

I locked my door and slid down the door. I cried into my knees.

I pulled out my blade and cut my wrist.

Again and again and again.

I cut my wrist on repeat.

He said he loved me, he cared for me. He wouldn't do anything to hurt me. He said he would never give up on me. Most importantly he said he would never leave me.

Everything he said was a lie.

I got up and laid down on my bed. I plugged my phone into the speaker and blasted the music on my phone. Amnesia by 5sos came on.

I drove by all the places we use to hang out getting wasted.
I thought about our last kiss how it felt the way you tasted.
And even though your friends tell me your doing fine.
Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right besides you?

When he says those words to hurt you, do you read the one's I wrote you?

Sometimes I start to wonder was it just a lie?

If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all.

I remember the day you told me you were leaving,
I remember the makeup running down your face.
And all the dreams you left behind you didn't need them,
Like every single wish we ever made.
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things,
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you and all the memories I never can escape.

'Cause I'm not fine at all.

The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone.
I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone
And even though my friends keep asking why I'm not around.
It hurts to know your happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on.
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long.

It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

I remember the day you told me you were leaving,
I remember the makeup running down your face.
And all the dreams you left behind you didn't need them,
Like every single wish we ever made.
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things,
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you and all the memories I never can escape.

If today I woke up with you right besides me,
Like all of this was just some twisted dream.
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before,
And you'd never slip away
And you'd never hear me say

I remember the day you told me you were leaving,
I remember the makeup running down your face.
And all the dreams you left behind you didn't need them,
Like every single wish we ever made.
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things,
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you and all the memories I never can escape.

'Cause I'm not fine at all.

No I'm really not fine at all,
Tell me this is just a dream
'Cause I'm really not fine at all.

I sang along with the song. Tears were still falling from my face, harder than ever.

There was a knock on the door.

"Go away." I said

"Why, what's wrong?"

It was Cameron.

"Cameron I'm not in the mood."

"Please open the door." He said

I sighed and stood up. I unlocked the door and Cam pulled me in for a hug.

"Why are you crying?" He asked

"Its nothing." I said and walked over to my bed.

I cried into my pillow.

"Emily please speak to me." He said sitting down next to me

"Shawn cheated on me." I said and broke down.

I still didn't take off my makeup so makeup was all over my face and pillow.

"What happened?"

"I saw him at the party and he was kissing another girl. They we both shirtless. And when he saw me I was mad so I told him to go back and fuck his whore and he said he would and he stormed back into the room."

"Em, nobody is worth your tears." He said wrapping his arms around me.

He kissed my forehead. I cried on his shoulder while he rocked back and forth. I cried harder and harder at the thought of Shawn.

"He lied to me."

"Shhh... it's okay, everything will get better I promise."

We stayed like that for the longest.

"Emily." He said holding up my wrist.

Shit. I forgot to cover up.

"You promised me, you promised all of us that you'll stop. Why didn't you stop when you said you were." He said angrily. His eyes began to water.

"I'm not going to randomly wake up and decide to stop cutting. I didn't randomly wake up and decide to cut. It just happened." I said wiping away the tears. "I can't pretend I'm okay. I can't fake it anymore. I'm hopeless, helpless and afraid I'll never get better. All I know is I'm sick of all the pretending. I've been put through so much." I say with more tears falling from my face.

"Em I'm sorry." He says kissing my forehead. "I love you. Please don't put yourself through all this pain."

I simply nodded and got out of his grip. I walked to the bathroom and took off my makeup. I changed into a pair of baggy grey 'Pink' sweatpants and a black tank top. I walked out the bathroom and told Cam that I was going to bed. He left and I sat in my bed all night but I couldn't get any sleep.