All the secrets of a fangirl | B. E. Story |

46.O All the secrets

"No, no, no. Were not doing this." Billie's shouting shook me up from packing up her bags. Loud screaming and over dramatic as she walked in, she caught me in the middle of it and i knew that she must felt devastated seeing her bags standing in the hall.

"Lana?" her puppy eyes looking deeply into mine made me feel some different type of way then I did when I started packing up.

"This is so unhealthy for us, and you just drove off. What do you think I am doing?" I pushed her away from me when I walked into the living room.  I wasn't ready for another fight between us, so I ditched the moment and let myself slide down onto my chair in front of the window.

"I couldn't deal with you, and it looks like you did just fine getting home."

Full of frustration I rolled my eyes just listening to her. "Yeah it's not like your mom just died." I pointed at the bags and then over to the door. "Please don't make it difficult.."

I saw her walking over to me, her movement was insecure. I could tell it by the way she reached her hands to me. "Baby. Don't make me go."

Her hands were on my hips, her lips on my neck and I could feel her breathing. It fastened and a bite on my earlobe made me shiver. "I told you to go." a hand slowly reached up between my thighs.
I felt myself getting wet down there and I closed my eyes when she started to kiss upwards to my jawline. "Don't make me go.."

I gasped for air when her hand went into my panties underneath my dress. Her tumb slowly went up to my clit and I let my head hang back on the chair. For sure wasn't this the right time to have sex, for sure did i had to let her go. I just didn't want to, now.

My feelings went all over the place when she started to slowly rub my clit, the person who i fell in love with a year ago wasn't the same person i knew now. But the way she made me move and enjoy this drove me nuts. Hunger was in her eyes, she bit her lip and i could tell she was ready to fuck me hard this time.

Slowly i gave in and did i spread my legs, bucking my hips up from the chair for more. Was i gonna give her good sex for just time? The last time, so she could go and find someone new to break. Not me.

"Say my name mamas." She inserted three fingers at that time and i couldnt helpt but moan as loud as was possible at that time.

"Billie." Billie, the name i wouldnt ever forget. Billie the person i wanted to grow old with, the same person who became very distant with me lately. Billie my first true love. She started to go harder and deeper when she looked up to me, to find me enjoying the moment moaning her name and grabbing myself onto her.

I could feel a tight knot forming in my stomach when she started pounding her fingers inside of me. I was so wet, you could hear her fingers easily going in and out. "oh fuck im gonna cum." I closed my eyes and let myself release on her hand, she brings it up to her mouth to lick herself clean. I remember her doing that the first time we had sex, at the toilets, at Coachella. When everything still was so new.

I was so mesmerized by her back then, we worked out so well together. We were so good. How could something so beautiful fall apart so sudden? I turned myself to her, she was sitting down on the couch and her eyes were scanning me all over.

The look in her eyes wasn't hunger, it wasn't sadness.. It was unreadable. She must feel so uncomfortable with the way i act, even tho it was all an reaction to her being the way she is the last months.

Sure did we had some good times, sure did i enjoy every beautiful moments we had together. But this wasn't feeling right not for me, and now that my mom is gone i was ready for a new chapter in my life.