All the secrets of a fangirl | B. E. Story |

77.O Don't leave again

Days passed by, and it felt like minutes were hours. And, hours became days. Ever since Billie left, I felt hopeless. Honestly, nothing like this has happened to me in at least a year. Since the marriage, things became better. Even after Madison, things became better. And now under these circumstances, me carrying Hugo down my belly. I can't believe she didn't at least send me a text message. Telling me where she was at this point.

I looked up to Finneas walking inside, with two cups of tea inside his hands. He's been my rock with Claudia lately, and he can't believe that this has happened to us. I surely was convinced that this tape wasn't gonna replay, after what happened with Madison. But since she isn't in touch with me, or tries to. I'm sure Billie wants something else then I want to.

"How's little Hugo?" He asked, his lips moving upwards in a smile waiting for me to answer.

I stroked my belly, making circles with both my fingers. It seemed like he responded as i could feel him kick again. "He's restless, keeping me up all night.."

"That's not as weird tho, Hugo probably senses something's wrong with his moms." Claudia's warm voice filled up the room, while she made her way to the couch. Crawling up to Finneas, making me slightly jealous since I'm aching for Billie's touch.

My heart skipped a beat when the doorbell rang, making me jump from my spot and run towards it. It's not that weird that I was hoping for Billie, but my heart sunk into my damn toes when it wasn't her. A girl, mascara down her cheeks, dark blue her up in a bun, heels in her hands. Standing in front of me, I couldn't read her face, but the silence said more then I wanted to know.

"Who's it?" Finneas face became white and he pulled me back from the door.

How come it looked like he knew her?

I slightly felt concerned, biting my bottom lip while trying to understand what's exactly going on. "Rosaly, you can't just walk in. That's crazy."

Rosaly?

It felt like the past was repeating itself again, i've been on this road before. Praying on both my knees how I did not want this to happen again, it killed me to know that it was exactly repeating it the way I didn't want it to.

"But Billie never came back yesterday, and now I don't know where to find her."

"Wait, let me get this clear." I interrupted the both of them, holding up my hands in the air. Hugo was kicking on the inside of my belly, going wild as if he knew what was going on. I cleared my throat and let this moment sink in again. "First, you're posting weird comments on Billie's post. second MY wife leaves to see you. And now you're here, because MY wife's missing?"

She laughed and then nodded, like it was that funny. I decided not to answer, grabbing my car keys from the exact same spot where it always hung and walked out the door. Not even listening to Finneas and Rosaly, who continued their conversation and expecting me to take them with me. I locked the doors, turned on the car and drove off the drive way.

"And now Billie Eilish, everything I wanted." I rolled my eyes by the sound coming out of the radio, but my stomach turned when I heard her angelic voice. I missed her vanilla scent, her blue ocean eyes, and her angelic voice when I can't sleep at night. How come this girl's so complicated? How come she doesn't give a single shit about her pregnant wife waiting for her to come home? I was hurt when the thoughts wandered around my brain, looking for the answer myself.

Billie's always been this way, ever since I met her. She loves flirting with others, but I did not ever expect it to come this far. Flirting is one thing, cheating? another thing. Of course I know where Billie is, but I was too damn done to look for her. Every step I take is pretty hard lately, Hugo is growning like cale inside me. My mom had the same issues while she was pregnant with me, looks like I have some things from her don't I.

"Billie." I shouted, getting out of the car. The sunset going down in the distance, Billie sitting at the same bench she would always sit to clear her mind. Most days after a long studio session, after our fights, and when life gets too hard on her.

My heart skipping a beat when she turned around, facing me. Probably not expecting me to come look for her, both her cheeks turning red. Most of the time she's a badass, with a savage attitude. But beside that, she's the insecure girl that's looking for appreciation everywhere when she doesn't feel loved. "What's this?" I asked her with an ignorant smile, trying not to show her how mad I exactly was.

"I don't know man, I-"

"Just to make this clear, you're not only dissapointing me Eilish. Hugo isn't acting the same as he was the last few months, he's pretty restless and he can sense something's wrong." I made my way beside her, letting my head rest on my hand on the back of the bench.

She had to let that sink in, I could see by the way she was playing with her fingers. "This damn girl, "Rosaly" comes by, telling me you walked out on her. What was it? Her pussy taste like damn fish or?"

"No, it didn't." I was pretty shocked by her statement, and she noticed. Trying to wave it away. "No Lana, I mean. We didn't do a thing, but I can't do this man." She pointed between the both of us, and I got pretty damn confused.

"You're fucking married, you have a pregnant wife. Loyal waiting for you at our own bought ass farm in the woods, and now you're pointing at us for not knowing if you want this? Who even are you at this point? We discussed this." Hugo kicked inside my stomach, and it made my eyes water.

My wife had the same unreadable expression on her face, she's always has this when we fight. It made me feel some type of way, and my breathing began to quicken. "You don't even want me anymore Lana, do you?"

"By the way you're acting today? No man, I don't want you anymore. But were married, and there are going to be highs and lows. Communication is key Eilish?"

"Maybe i'm just not down for forever, and they told me it's fine."

It threw me of my shoes the way she told me that, if that's true? Then how were married, how am I pregnant? How did I give up my life, for a girl that's now hurting me this way. I sighed, turning my face away from her. The last time she cheated me, she convinced me that it was her team that made her do it. But it's now her, her mom and Finneas. So it's not that.

In my head the scenario of me leaving Billie started to play, but where would I go? I lost my mom, friends, and not even my damn dad wants to stay in contact with me. I would always be connected to Billie, and if it wasn't for our marriage then it would be for our son. Our son, we talked and discussed so much about. I saw us growning old together, and mostly after our vows.

I remembered her eyes, they were blue. Clear, turning into tears when she told me to be my wife. The day she went down on her knee, to ask me to be hers.. "I'm not even gonna discuss this anymore Billie, i'm not going down this road. And if i'm being honest, I'll go on and find my own damn life."

I stood up, losing my balance. Clearing my head before I walked away from her, I could hear her voice shouting at me.

It felt like it became further away, and the ground started to tumble around me.

Since when is the sky turning black?.....

A bounce ended my thoughts.

And I? I was far away.