All the secrets of a fangirl | B. E. Story |

27.O Playing games

Billie's p.o.v
I was walking around in my room, searching for my notebook. I lost it a long while ago, and this morning i woke up with the thought that i wanted to look for it. I had it with me on tour, so it had to be around somewhere. My mom packs up good, so it will probably be somewhere between my unpacked bags. I tiptoeed through the room, Madison was still asleep.

She'd better be asleep after what i give to her last night tho. Madison and i have been dating for four months now, she is actually a fun person to be around with. But that's it, she doesn't have a personality, she is just blanc. If you ask her something, doesn't matter what, she'll agree with you. Even if its something stupid, she doesn't have a opinion. It annoys me in ways that I didn't even know it was possible, so it was nice to have her asleep so i didn't have to listen to her for a while.

"Fuck." I hissed through my teeth, my mind was full with new ideas. For songs, videos, merch and many more. I wanted to write it out, but now i couldn't. I went through my memories where I had last seen my notebook. But I couldn't come up with it.

"Hi cutie." I heard Madison say, i sighed before i turned myself around.

"Hey." I said, i walked over to bed while i looked into the drawers one more time.

"Hmm what are you searching for?" She pulled me into her arms, her naked body fully exposed after the sheets fell of her. I grapped for her waist and held her body against mine. "My notebook, i can't find it."

"You don't need it." A frown began to grow on top of my forehead when she said that, see that is exactly what i talk about. She has no idea, not about me, not about my life. "It would be nice to write some ideas down."
"Oh just tell me about it, i will try to remember it once you have a meeting with the crew." She giggled, i got out of her hug and stood up from the bed. I couldn't listen to her longer, maybe this was just bad karma for me cheating on Lana.

Lana.

My notebook.

Fuck now i know where it is.

I pulled one my denim pants and a blouse, my still has changed since i was with Madison. she didn't like the big baggy clothing, so i had to adjust. For her. Oh the things you do for love. Madison also got dressed and i checked my phone. "Were going for a lil roadtrip today babe." I bit my lip when i went over to Lana her Instagram, i unfollowed her a long while ago. I couldn't handle looking at her, i missed her too much. I still do, but i can't change anything about the situation.

The night i cheated on her is still a little blur to me, i know that i went out with Madison after i facetimed Lana. I know she was jealous, but i didn't care about her opinion. I thought i could just have friends, like nothing was gonna happen between me and Madison. But that night she was wearing a tight black dress, her long red hair was straightened and her lips were the color of raspberries. I missed Lana, i missed someone around me who could love me and hold me whenever i felt lonely. So i fucked up, we went to the bathroom and i let myself go. It was wrong, it felt wrong, but i couldn't stop. I thought about Lana the whole time i was giving her head, but that is just a shitty excuse to clear my own mind.

"Where are we going?" Madison asking me got me out off my thoughts. "I need to get my notebook, i know where it is." I putted on my rayban sunglasses, yes fucking rayban i know. And we left the room. "We'll get some breakfast on the way." We walked out of the house to the car and got in to drive to Lana's home.

"Wait Billie, tell me were not going to see your ex." I looked over to her and shrugged my shoulders. "Don't whine i don't love her anymore." Of course i loved Lana, i'll never stop loving her. She was my first love, because of her i came out of the closet. I told the whole world because of her, so i promised myself to love her everyday of my live. We pulled up on her drive way, Madison didn't want to get out. She was still sitting on the seat with crossed arms, i grinned a little bit about it.