All the secrets of a fangirl | B. E. Story |

87.O Pillow talk

The figure never left my mind, she's been there and I can't seem to place her. The familiair look on the face, that long dark hair. And the way she looked at me, trying to tell me something from a distance. These facemasks weren't helping either and I can't seem to stop thinking about it. I looked beside me to see my mom sitting down with Hugo, today were the rehearsels for the Jingle Ball. Christmas decorations were bringing in and Finneas sat beside me with the keyboard.

With the promotion of my new single 'Therefore I am' it was getting busy for me again, cancelling the tour was the hardest thing to do. But I could see people were excited about the new song and mostly hyped for the new album. I sighed for a quick second and closed my eyes to think about her. again.

"Mom" I looked beside me to hear little Hugo starting to finally call me momma. A smile appeared on my lips and the feeling of being a mother once again overwhelmed me. Hugo was the only thing that reminded me of her. Her soul and mostly her eyes was something i'm seeing inside the eyes of my son.

"Billie! Ready?" Finneas his eyes were lighting up and his cheeks fire red. Full of excitement and Joy i could see him walking around the stage, because of the pandemic we weren't able to travel and tour around the world and perform for our fans.

I tapped the mic to check if the sound was alright and if everything was all set up. Hugo was still making noises from the side of the stage and wanting to stand up and walk around.
The producers were making sure the livestream was set up and I looked up at my brother sitting next to me at the keyboard. "I'm so excited tho.. Aren't you?" I chuckled as an agreement and my heart fluttered when I thought about her again.

"Okay we're counting down guys in 3..2.." The guy signed with his hand to start and Finneas started playing the keyboard. "I can't seem to focus.. And you don't seem to notice.." Finding the comfort in my song while singing, and the comfort for being on the stage the same butterflies I always could feel down my stomach when performing. It was literally my life and its literally everything I ever wished for. Finishing the song while vibing to it i noticed Finneas my brother living his life at his best. He missed it the same way I did. Our bond was so strong, and mostly we connect on the stage.

"For tonight, we asked our fans to send us some questions to ask you." The lady that was interviewing everyone at the jingle Ball made her appaerance on the stage. Wearing a red mask was something i'm not getting used to it.

"Yeah sure mamas go your way." Did that make her blush? I guess we'll never know.

"Uh-h-hmn well.. The real question here is. How are you doing?" The warm voice calmed down my anxiety who comes playing up when it's about interviews.

I sighed before even answering the question I just got. "I'm doing fine, healthy and well. Looks like its all that matters at this point doesn't it." A loud groan from the side of the stage got my attention.

A person standing in the corner didn't seem to be interested by everything that was going on and wandered around, scanning my mom, hugo and everybody else of the crew. Dark eyes looking at us from underneath a hoodie. "Billie, life has been tough. The passing of your wife made the headlines and the fans were also as hurt by the news. This one question I got is a particularly one. The fan asked: If you ever think you'll get over the heartbreak it caused you and how you'd handle it?"

Tears started to swell in the back of my eyeballs, a question like did wasn't something I expected. "Lana had my heart and still does, I miss her everyd-" Almost breaking down at the question I see Finneas interrupting me. "Lana had a very good influence on all of us, her heart will not ever be forgotten. Billie's sad, and we don't wanna go into detail about that." She seemed to understand it and chimed while scanning us.