All the secrets of a fangirl | B. E. Story |

84.O Cold future ahead.

I tried to hold in my breath, while reversing the car getting ready to pull up on the road. I felt so weird, anxious mostly. Things were crazy, and losing Lana felt like a knife that was stung in my heart and someone was making it spin in circles. Technically I didn't lose Lana, but. For her to go missing is some crazy shit.

Going deep down inside my mind I didn't have any attention near the road, cars were passing by. Honking at me, going even faster then I did. If i wasn't going to focus anytime soon I'll be crashing my car before even starting the search mission for my wife.

My phone was ringing but the sound of my current favorite song was nothing but a blur to me. A vague noise I didn't even seem to remember at this point. Deep down inside I knew that everything was just wrong. This pandemic, Lana losing her memories and Hugo growning up in a unstable household. The only thing that was growning was my career, not my patience. Because these cars aren't driving like shit.

The vague noise suddenly became a bit louder with the minute and I got out of my thoughts, shaking my head while looking for my phone. "Hello?"

It only took me a second to recognize the voice of Claudia, she was crying like a little baby in the microphone. I was confused with why she cried, but my it felt like everything inside me dropped on the floor when it hit me. I stopped the car, didn't even matter If i was in the middle of the road. Claudia didn't have to tell me anything, no one had to tell me anything. Because I surely was aware of what was going on. Could this be the end? The end of everything?

I started to scream, letting out all of my nervousness, sadness, grieve of the past months. Living like this was an absolute hell, and I couldn't remember when the last time was I was truly happy. Lana's face erased my thoughts, and I slammed my hands on the steering wheel. I wanted to fuck myself up, drive myself off into the ocean. Get out of this car and get hit by another, It didn't matter anymore.

"Bil?" Claudia's voice brought me back to earth, I heard her sniffle softly. "Come home.. Please as soon as possible. We'll need each other through this.." I ended the call, and reversed the car. Many people were honking at me, stopping immediately the minute they realized it was Billie fucking Eilish driving by. Yeah keep on looking..

I wiped away the tears that didn't stop coming, my stomach twisting any minute I came closer to our house. It wasn't ours anymore, because there wasn't a WE anymore. Lana was gone, and I was sure the police found her body. I probably won't ever be able to see her again, I don't even wanna know what they did to the most beautiful woman i've ever known. Hugo and I were suddenly on our own in a matter of seconds. As if this year wasn't going to get any more worse. My heart dropped when I recognized our street driving into it. Parking the car, and getting out of it took a whole lot of energy from my body and I didn't know how to handle it.

I heard my mom shouting from the porch, I couldn't even make it to her while I dropped on the ground crying. The feeling that I was losing my whole life surrounded my whole body. "She-she-she.. is gone.." My mom nodded as a police officer appeared from behind her.

"Ms. O'connell. I'm Jaimie Dilorentes. I'm from the California Police Department.. I'm here to inform you, help you and be there for you.. Is it possible to talk inside with a cup of tea?" The smile on her face comforted me and made me soft for a short minute. All I could do was listen to her at this point and be there for my son.

As I followed her inside the feeling of being alone started to grow inside me. Man, how many mixed fucking emotions can you feel in one hour?

Dragging my feet on the floor while following Jaimie, I found the family sitting down in the livingroom. They looked defeated, sad and overwhelmed. I threw myself in the arms of Finneas letting out my soft cry when he started to cry either.

"First I wanna start by saying how sorry I am.. But how important the next few hours will be.." Jaimie cleared her throat while talking, she held her police hat down her hands and looked down the floor. It must have been hard for police officers to tell someone's dead. "Billie, it's going to be super emotional for you to hear whats been happening. But it's important to think.. And remember everything about your wifes life. Who was close to her? Was she in a fight with someone?"

"NO ONE HATED HER IF THATS WHAT YOURE ASKING." Defending my wife while yelling at her supposedly wasn't gonna help this way, but who was she to even think anyone had a thing against her.

Finneas comforted me while holding me close. "We're just wondering if someone wanted to hurt her. Thats all.. Because the things they've done-"

"WHAT?" My breathing began to quicken and my mouth began to dry out, a feeling of getting sick took over my stomach when realizing they took her life. I tried to avoid Jaimie's eyes who tried to look at mine. Like she wanted to tell something that only I could have known. Her face was unreadable but her eyes said everything I didn't want to hear.

"Take me to her."

"I really can't."

"Why?"

"You wouldn't be able to ever recover from that Billie, take it from me. In the end you will remember all the beautiful things of her.. Not this.. You don't want to." She tried to give me a simple smile comforting me or giving me some simple sort of that.

"So everyone here is basically telling me I have to get ready for my wife's funeral? Tell my little boy he ain't got no mother no more. And live my life without her? Without taking my own? I'm sick of this. The person who did this is, is Lily. I don't even fucking know her last name, but look her up. She and her sick fucking girlfriend were this, they did this. Murdered my wife." I stood up to leave the room, I can't be here for any other more minute because I was about to go insane. "If you're not finding them anytime soon, I'll make sure I'm gonna end up in jail for killing them myself. You can't do this to me, my family and my son." I made my way to the door, going upstairs to the master bedroom. Walking to Lana's side, grabbing her pillow. It smelled exactly like her, the scent of Alien Mugler embraced me and thats when the tears started to stream against my cheeks. It was gonna be one of the last times i'll ever remember her scent, remember who she was to me and many others.

While laying on her side of the bed and closing my eyes, I knew planning her funeral should be my last step towards a worthy goodbye. She never deserved an early death, especially not like this. Lana was full of life and enthusiasm who she wanted to share with the world. Jaimie didn't want me to see her, she was sure of the fact it would traumatize me.

Hugo's screaming out of his bedroom caught my attention, I stood up to go to him. I walked into my mother who was pretty shocked by me coming out of the bedroom. Probably she didn't think I would come for Hugo, but I did. He was now my priority, and the only thing I had to take care of.

"Lana didn't deserve this.. If we didn't met she would probably be alive now Mom.." I grabbed Hugo from his bed and held him against my chest, comforting him and making circle motions with both my fingers on the back of his head.

"There are monsters in this world love.. We can't stop them, we couldn't stop this from happening.." I felt my moms hands around my shoulders, as her head laid down on it. "The only thing we can do. Is make sure the funeral is beautiful and well planned.. I'm so so sorry.. I don't even know what to say Billie."

"I'm gonna miss her so bad mom.." The crying made me lose my voice and the ability to speak, Lana's loss was the worst thing that had ever happened to me.

"I'm gonna miss her so much too.." Hugo's crying stopped, I heard him sigh before falling asleep.

Another night of only us two.

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Hi
It's me. Don't be scared. It's not gonna be the last part...... yet. I'm uploading the last chapter this week. And i'm writing a sequel.. so you're not done just yet.❤️