All the secrets of a fangirl | B. E. Story |

79.O Irreversible changes

Billie's P.O.V

It's the day after Lana passed out at the beach, It looks like I gave her a lot of stress and it wasn't okay for the baby. But they found something else, and they're seeing if it's gonna affect Lana once she wakes up.

Deep inside my gut was telling me to prepare for the worst, maybe it's my karma for acting the way I did. But does god really wants me to lose Lana? I sighed, burying my face inside my hands. The sound of the hospital machines beeping in the background. Lana's face was still white, and her eyes closed like that made me feel absolutely uncomfortable.

Lana and I have been building a very good relationship, but i'm toxic for her. I'm not the wife she wants me to be, i've never been. When we have our little arguments, she keeps on telling me how much she misses some things about us. She needs more affection, time. And how much I promised myself to be there for her, i'm not.. Man if I could only hit my head against the wall, and turn back the time. I'd be a better woman, i'd be a better wife.

"Bill?.." Lana's voice filled up the room, she seemed concerned grabbing for her head. Looking around her since she had no clue what was going on.

"Hi.." I stood up, coming for her to hug her and hold her.

"No." She persisted, sure looks like she didn't forget about what happened.

"Oh-h. Ok." I took a step back and tried to hold back my tears from falling down, looking at her. So vulnerable, so soft. Man, it broke me. Probably the same way I break her most of the time.

"I hope you feel guilty as hell Eilish, you're literally the one who did this to me." I saw her grabbing for her stomach, my instinct telling me how I should help her and be there for my wife and son.

I bit the inside of my cheek, as I could feel myself getting weak. Now wasn't the time Bill.. I wanted to speak to her, apologize for my mistakes and make sure she was the only one I wanted. One last time.. But we got interupted by the doctor walking into the room. He seemed very friendly, two green eyes were staring at the both of us from behind his black glasses.

"Good evening, I'm dr. Anderson. But the two of you can call me James." He laughed, shaking both us hands while introducing himself, even tho his face was friendly his body language could show me something's wrong.

And maybe Lana didn't want me to sit with her, but something inside my gut told me I had to. I started to stroke her hand, Dr Anderson's presence took her full attention so she didn't stop me from stroking her and comforting her. "So ms. O'connell. I'm here to have a little chat with you." he sat down at the end of the bed, smiling softly at Lana.

"Please don't tell me something's wrong with our baby."

Our baby..

"You don't even know James, we've been trying it for so long. And I couldn't get pregnant. Please don't tell me little Hugo is hurt.." I swallowed back my tears and stared at the doctor, he froze and his stare became blank.

He cleared his throat before talking, me feeling more and more anxious with the minute. "Nothing is wrong with the baby, actually he is doing it very well. And it looks like he is growning very quick." I heard a loud sigh beside me from relief. "But, we do have something else to talk about. ms. O'connell.. Were so sad to tell you this. But we found out from the CT Scans, you're suffering from an early stage of a young form of dementia."

Young form of dementia.. w t f

I swallowed back my tears and decided to get on top of the bed, closing both my arms around Lana who couldn't stop crying when James dropped the words. "We don't know how long it's gonna take. It could be you're gonna remember everything for the next five years, but in the worst case you're gonna forget everything the next day. Now this sounds terrible, it does. It's the worst case scenario for a young woman like you. But they're currently researching treatment options and we would like to do some researches with you, and if we're lucky it will only get better from there."

His words teared me down, I stared at my wife. The strong woman I've known before, suddenly became a little baby. Vulnerable, weak and mostly scared. I felt so bad for her, and I wanted to do everything from her to take away the pain she was experiencing at this moment.

"I'll leave the both of you alone for now. And will check in with the both of you later.. Is that ok?" I nodded as an answer before he left the room and closed the door behind him. I stroked through hers dark hair, sitting there while Lana's sobs has been moved by total silence.

"I see one good thing tho." I looked up to look inside her eyes. "If you'll cheat on me, I won't remember it." I wanted to smack her for saying that, but she was right. I didn't treat her well.

"We're gonna look for multiple treatments, I'll call my people to make sure they will find the best treatment there's available on this earth. Doesn't matter where that'll take us, i'll bring you there." She smiled, thankfully. I missed that smile.

My heart fluttered and I instantly knew i'm still so in love with this woman, and I'll do everything for her. "Billie, not. ever. again. ever. I don't even think I'll be able to argue with you about this, i''m too tired. After hearing this, i'm just really overwhelmed right now.." I agreed with her, holding her close. Still feeling there was fear inside of her body.

"We're gonna work this out Lana." I kissed her forehead, laying her down beside me on the bed. "Go take a nap.. I'll make sure to wake you in an hour."

Her lips touched mine, and her hands wrapped around my neck. I kissed her like it was the first time we shared a kiss, licking her lips before she opened up her mouth to get my tongue inside. We got into our passionate game we always play when our tongues touch each other. I played with a stroke from her hair, tangling it around my finger. Enjoying her taste, her perfume filling up the air around me and the moment we had.

For now, this is perfect.

I'd let go of her, and tucked her in. "I love you."

"I love you, the most of all Billie."

Walking outside of the room, it suddenly hit me. In a matter of years, months or maybe days Lana could forget about me. She didn't even give birth yet, and there's a small chance she won't even be able to recognize who Hugo is. Shit, I have to get my team on top of this. Before it's too late, and there won't be a way back or out of this.

Calling my mom took a whole lot of my energy, first of all she didn't hear from us after me leaving. And now I have to bring her this news. Tears hit my cheeks when I heard my mom's sweet voice coming out of the phone.

I had to be quick, because I need my team to get on it asap. "Mom, I know. You're hearing me cry. I can't explain why, but i'm in the hospital. Lana's fine. for now. But I need you to inform my team."

"I have to them inform them about what Billie?" She sounded confused and mostly concerned what this was about.

"Mom.. Lana's is in stage one of dementia. We need to find a treatment for her.. They're currently researching whats best for people who have it. And what they can do. I can't l-l-l-lose L-l-a-a-a-na.." I had to calm myself down for getting an emotional breakdown. It feels like karma took the best of me.. It's all my fault.

Maggie was quiet for an minute, and I could hear small sobs coming out of the other side of my phone. "Understood. I'm here for you baby.. I'll inform them, we're gonna find this out."

"Can I give you a piece of advice daughter?"

"Sure."

"You gotta make the best of the time you two have together. Okay?.."

"k..."