All the secrets of a fangirl | B. E. Story |

82.O Life passes by

4 Months later.

"Wait, what do you mean by: I can't see anyone?"  I screamed on the top of my lungs, not understanding a simple word Billie just said. I wanted to cry, punch the walls and go crazy. But I couldn't, time was passing by quick. And in a matter of time little Hugo's gonna be born.

"Babe, it's the virus. Were in a pandemic.. We can't go outside.. I told you before, and i'm telling it now again. Just for you to remember.." Billie's face was different from what I was used to, was I really losing my mind? I crashed on the floor, my face both hands. I couldn't remember a single thing that was happening in the world, I couldn't imagine my life before all of this. Even Billie was a stranger on my bad days.

"I can't do this ANYMORE." The neighbours would hear me by now, if we even had them. "I can-n-nt.." bringing out the words stuttering while closing my eyes for a minute. I'd hear Billie making her way beside me, rubbing my back while holding me closer to her. We both knew, there wasn't gonna be a future. Not a bright one.

"We're gonna get trough this, this panedemic is taking over the whole world. We're not the only one in this Lana." I nodded, and then my mind got black again.

The thing is, this was happening for a while now. I looked at my wife and she knew exactly what happened, that I didn't remember what she just said. I could see her holding back tears, holding me close to her. Comforting me in silence, listening to the rain ticking on the windows outside. "C'mon mamas.. Lets bring you to bed."

I followed Bil, she was holding my hand. Squeezing it three times, meaning " i love you" I squeezed it back. Letting her help undress me, and laying me down in bed. "I'll take a quick shower and then come lie with you." Stopping her from walking away, I bit my lip. This whole night felt different, it felt like somethings happening I didn't even know of.

"I've been forgetting about a lot of things. Like.. a lot. But I won't ever, or I will not ever forget the love I feel deep inside for you. You changed up everything for me. You changed my life.. And I really don't remember how we met. But I'm sure.. we started of good and we've grown into this.." I pointed around me to show how proud I am of us. Her eyes showed me something different, emotional.. broken somehow. Her deep blue eyes were transparant, less ocean blue then I expected. She nodded, placed her lips on my head.

"I love you so much. I really do." Her answer warmed my heart, giving me finally the time to rest my head on the pillow.

Falling slowly asleep while I heard the shower going on, and Billie's sobs. We both knew this wasn't how we expected it to end.

"Turn on the sirenes." A female woman yelled at the driver in the front seat of the ambulance. I tried to open my eyes but the lights were too bright for me. I had a quick flashback remembering being in the hospital a little while ago.

"Ms. O'connell.. We're losing the baby if we're not gonna be quick enough. Could you respond to me if you hear this.." I held up my hand as an answer and laid my head back on the stretcher. Inside my stomach I felt these sort of cramps, which made me feel so sick.

The feeling quickly followed by back pain and cramps following up on each other.  It knocked me out the next second.

-
"He has your eyes Billie.."

"No, it's his hair.. Billie looked exactly like him the minute she got out of my stomach." Maggie's laughter woke me up.

I looked around the room, seeing the familiair face of my wife. Everyone was wearing facemasks, I looked confused to a young couple on the side holding a baby in their hands. My stomach was flat.. was that my baby? But who were they..

"Let him go!" I yelled into the room, wanting to get up really quick and scream even louder. Billie seemed pretty shocked when I got up, and looked even more confused.

"Guys, hush." He calmed the guy down who had my child in his hands. "It seems like she doesn't remember.." she sighed "again." Handing me my child. I comforted him closing myself off from everybody. This didn't feel right in any way, and suddenly I could hear my child crying and my mind go blank. My eyes black, and I was out.

Billie's p.o.v

I screamed seeing Lana black out again, grabbing Hugo from her. The machines were going crazy, and a doctor came in running. Demanding everyone to leave. I held my kid close who didn't know how to stop crying.

"Ssh.." I was pretty in shock about what was happening. I didn't imagine the birth of Hugo like this. It was just a little while ago when everything was okay. And now with this pandemic and everything that was happening with my wife, deep down inside I knew. It was close to goodbyes..

I handed Maggie Hugo, and put off my facemask for a minute. Biting my lip and sighing out loud, not really sure how to feel. "Mrs?.." The nurse caught my attention.

"Yes?" I looked up wondering what was going on. She seemed concerned and took me with her to have some time alone. "We have to consider the fact that she won't be able to live alone anymore.. We noticed Lana forgetting more and more. And there's gonna be a time that you won't be able to only take care of your newborn. What just happened was a sign of her body giving up because it's so intense for her to remind things that aren't there anymore."

The way the nurse talked about Lana gave me chills all over my body, holding back my tears I cleared my throat just to be strong. "And we know, this is hard. And I would say try it out.. see what's gonna happen when she comes home with you. But on another note.. There's a baby now, theres gonna be a future for him. And you.." I'd feel myself break down by her words but agreed, since this was going to be the best.

"Please let me tell her.. She'll break down to hear it from a stranger. With me she can fall back on me.. " The nurse decided with me that was going to be the best decision. Walking back to the family I tried to hold back my tears and made sure they didn't notice a thing.

"I-i-i have to go back in there. The doctors have to take Hugo with them to weigh him again and check everything." My mom noticed something was off and I bit my lip hiding it. "I'll call you guys when we're finally able to go home." To see my brothers confusion and Claudia's I decided to walk in before explaining everything. It was only going to make this harder, and I was sure my mom noticed something else about the way I was speaking.

"Baby?.." I smiled when Lana's lips tilted upwards into a smile, breaking my heart when she noticed the way I looked at her. "What.. Whats wrong?" She asked me.

I grabbed both her hands, feeling the connection I felt since the beginning of our relationship. I couldn't tell it to her. It was gonna tear her down. And I want to take her with me. Go home. Together.

I pulled a string of her hair behind her ear, before kissing her softly. There was a slight chance taking her home was gonna take the best of me, but i'd knew she would do the exact same for me. When our lips touched, I felt the chemistry we always had. The connection I talked about before, our bodies who melted together and Lana's soft moans when I kissed her holding her thighter to mine.

"We're going home baby.. Okay?"

"Home?"

I nodded, squeezing her hands. "Where you belong with me. For now.. Do you understand what i'm saying?"

"I always understand what you're saying, you're so damn silly." Her making jokes kinda brightened the day beside having our babyboy.

I put on a facemask, helping Lana getring her ready for leaving the hospital. Knewing that this was gonna be one of her best days for the time being. Feeling like I was getting punches in my stomach, we were getting to the end of me and Lana being happy together. Lana won't remember us in a while, even tho our bodies still connect when we touch. Our minds are alike in everything. The only difference was the illness, and the virus ruining everything for everyone.

How was I gonna cope with this? I sighed, my exhausted body helping Lana out of the bed while tieing up her vans.

I looked up to drown into her hazelbrown eyes.

"I love you."