Trust Me

Chapter 23.

I dropped my eyes on my lap "I used to be".
"What made you stop?" He lift a quizzical brow at me.
"Work" I replied as I gave him a weak smile.
He still had a puzzled look on his face.
"I put all my attention to work, so I don't have time for romantic adventures, plus I don't have the time to deal with people who only see me as a petrol station," I admitted still facing my lap.
"A petrol station?" He asked confused.
"Yeah, they come when they're empty, get their fill and then leave ." I murmured.

I could sense him staring at me.
"Not all people will treat you like that." He spoke again after a moment of silence.
I lifted my head to face him and smiled at him "probably not, but still work is more important for me right now ."
"Why?" He asked me softly.
"Cause no romantic relationship is going to help me financially and grow as a photographer, work will. My goal right now is to be as financially stable as I can so I can have a place of my own and develop as a photographer, yes I may be good, but there's always room for progress because I still feel that I'm not where I want to be ." I admitted to him, trying to look into his eyes.

I am a perfectionist, so whatever I do even if it's great for others it's not good enough for me. So I always push myself to get better.
Which is not always a good idea. Because when I get upset about not being able to do something I take it out in myself and things around me.

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The time I was on a business trip to Iceland came in my mind. It must have been one of my most challenging photoshoots yet.
It was cold, colder than Scotland ever was, my hands were freezing and I was actually wearing a pair of mittens and some ski gloves on top of them to keep me warm. I had to take pictures of Seljalandfoss, one of Iceland's greatest waterfalls. The hills were green and the water was falling on the river pool forcefully, the cave behind it hiding many secrets. So I put my tripod at a good distance so I could capture all of its beauty. I started shooting but none of the shots were good enough, so I started getting more and more stressed by the second. And without knowing an hour had passed, a card full of pictures just of the waterfall, with none of them perfect. I got so upset with myself that I ended up smashing the camera and scattering its remains around. I ended up buying a new camera the same day and the next day I went back and got amazing photos on the first try.

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Henry snapped me off my thoughts as he came closer to me and started rubbing my back, his touch so soft and relaxing "you don't need to be so hard on yourself, it's not healthy ".
I closed my eyes at the sensation of tranquility his touch brought "don't tell me you're not pushing yourself either, I've seen you, Cavill, you always try to do the shots on the first try and you are upset with yourself when you have to do a scene a second or third time ." I slowly opened my eyes to look at him as I spoke to him.
He gave me a weak smile " I guess you're right, so what we both need is someone to be our anchor. Someone to stop us from pushing ourselves to the psychologically damaging extremes." He paused for a moment. "I could be yours if you'd let me ".

I shot my head up to stare at him.
How could I let him be my anchor?
If he actually sees how bad it can get he'll run away like everyone else.
But that's what I want right?
I want to push him away, I don't want to get hurt again.
But what if it's different this time?
Ugh, here goes nothing.

He was looking at me with puppy eyes, still waiting for my response.
I huffed "that could work, but only if you let me be yours " I replied to him as I crossed my arms beneath my chest.
I was always the person who wanted to help others, no matter what.
And I could sense that Henry needed more help than he cared to admit.

He had the happiest smile on his face "it's a deal then". He chuckled as he offered his hand on a handshake, which I returned.
"I guess it is" I smiled back at him as I bit my lower lip.
His touch always sent shivers down my spine, even if it was the slightest thing.
What was he doing to me?

After that Henry got up to put the empty beer bottles and the empty pizza boxes away.
"You need help with that ?" I asked, a yawn escaping my mouth.
He looked back at me with a grin "someone's sleepy".
I put my middle finger up at him "I am awake from 3 am" I exclaimed as I checked the time on my phone.
His grin turned into worry "why so early ?".
I didn't want to worry him with my nightmares.
Even though a few minutes ago I told him I trusted him enough to be my anchor.
"I got to bed really early last night, so I guess I couldn't sleep anymore", I tried to sound as convincing as I could .
He seemed to believe me "fair enough, let's get to bed then" he stated and gave me his hand to lift me up from the sofa.
I grabbed it, trying to tackle him down to the sofa with me but he was stronger. He pulled me up from my sitting position with a quick and swift movement and I crashed into his broad and hard torso. I put my hands on his chest to balance myself and I could feel how muscular he was and I felt myself blushing. As soon as I realized I looked down so he wouldn't notice.

"You really think you could tackle me?" He chuckled as he still held on my wrist gently.
"I thought I could try" I tried to hide my giggle .
He shook his head "I think it's time to go to bed" he exclaimed.
"I think so too" I agreed with him.
And with that, he led me into the guest room .
"Goodnight Wall" he said leaning to the door frame smiling at me.
"Goodnight Cavill " I replied as I smiled back.