Ostracism

Day Eighty-Nine

➛ June 7th, 2020

I didn't sleep very well last night. I kept thinking about things. I can't seem to stop my mind sometimes. Anyway, I had a really hard time with one of the assistant managers when I first started my job two years ago. She was really hard on me and it seemed like she enjoyed to make my life miserable. I ended up forgiving her six months ago, it just happened while I tried to reach spiritual understanding with my situation. Yes, I'm Christian. 

So, I forgave her. Even though she didn't deserve it. And I believe it is truly something amazing. It felt like my heart was lighter and ever since I've worked with her, she doesn't bother me hardly at all. She hasn't changed...but I have. I grew. I don't feel hatred in my heart for her, I just don't feel anything towards her. Its been an incredible experience and it taught me the power of forgiveness. It isn't meant for them...its for me. 

Anyway, I was working with her today. I had started my period at 5am while I was getting ready for work, so I took pain relievers. My cramps were really bad at work so around 8am I took some Midol. Well, within 20 minutes I was having some kind of serious reaction. I felt dizzy, nauseous and I started shaking uncontrollably. My coworkers told me I'd be okay but I ended up calling my Mom. I guess I mixed two types of pain relievers that weren't supposed to be mixed. 

Surprisingly, the assistant manager who supposedly hated my guts, showed some geniune concern. She sat with me in the office while I was on the phone with my Mom. She got me water and sent me on break first. I felt a ton better after I ate a plain bagel but I was moved by her actions. All this time we had fought (until I forgave her), but now I think I see her in a new light. Sometimes she's confused, she doesn't know who she is, and she lashes out because she hurts. I know her homelife isn't the greatest, she's on her fourth marriage, and I think she was taking her anger out on me. Now, I have different feelings for her...like if she's in trouble, I'd help. Its weird.