The Lady and the Genius.

10+ years

We walked back into the station and as soon as my team saw me back to my regular style they all were smiling.
"Our beautiful baby girl is back!" Morgan exclaimed before running over to hug me.
"Im gonna kill Spencer for telling you." I whispered to him making him laugh.
"Pretty boy seems like she knows." He told as he pulled away from me.
"I knew the minute you called me beautiful for the first time and when you gave me the cupcake."
"That cupcake was good though."
"It was a really good cupcake."
"See. Now let's get you ready." He told as he led me to the conference room.
'They like my style.'
Once we got in they began to hide everything so they didn't know.
"I don't know how I feel about their secrets being told without their knowledge." I told as they began to set stuff up.
"It's only so we can know your safe and catch anything you might miss." Spencer told.
"Great, now it's going to be like four times I've been stalked....shit."
"Four?" Spencer asked and I could tell he was worried and mad that I didn't say anything.
"Yeah. Now, the current one I have and mike."
"That's three River." He told
"I may have been stalked by the dude who killed my mother." I told as I looked away from him.
"Why didn't you tell us this?!"
"Because you guys panic too much with me recently I didn't feel like that should be added."
"Did he kidnap you?!" He asked as I could tell he was getting extremely worried about me.
"Spencer I'm fine now it doesn't matter if he did or didn't. I've had therapy I'm all good."
"River your not though."
"I am fine. Seriously trust me on this. I'm fine. The officer can suck a dick."
"What officer?" J asked.
"Don't know some random officer." I told
"What did an officer say to you?!" Emily asked
"I thought you told everyone."
"No I only Morgan and Hotch."
"I mean Rossi worked it out."
"You worked it out?" He asked as he looked over at him.
"Of course I did. She is il mio piccolo genio, so of course I was going to work it out. Besides I saw how she acted when he spoke to her yesterday in the break room."
"He spoke to you again?"
"Said I looked more like an agent now." I told.
"River what did he say to you?"
"Nothing bad. Oh look I'm done now, so let's get me to that meeting so I can call it a day and watch Bruce Campbell. I'll see you at the cars." I told before quickly rushing off.
'He is definitely going to tell them all now.'
They quickly joined up with me and thankfully they didn't say anything about the problem I was facing. We made our way to the church and I gave a deep breath to help calm my nerves.
"You know you don't have to do this if it will bring up past memories." Spencer whispered into my ear so no one else heard.
"I know. I want to though."
"We are just a word away. If you begin to have one of your attacks I'll come right in and meet you near the bathrooms." He told and I have a nod back.
"Thank you."
"After this I would really like to talk about what the officer said."
"Spence...."
"I know but I would like to."
"Ok."
"What are you two whispering about?" Morgan asked as he turned to look at us from the front.
"Just making sure she knows what to do." Spencer told.
'I know he wants me to feel like I can trust him again and I want to tell him I never stopped....but I can't.'
We soon reached the church and I did another deep breath before leaving and walking into the church.
'This is fine. They have your back. It's not like when you were 8.'

I sat down in the free chair closing the circle of the group and I could feel my leg was beginning to bounce again.
"So welcome to our regular meeting. Since we have a few new faces why don't we all introduce ourselves." The pastor who I learnt was Ryan told.
Everyone went around and told their names till it got to me.
"Uh hi. I'm River Finley."
They all repeated my name and said hi which to my surprise helped me relax more.
"Why don't we have some other found soul talk about their experiences first before you feel open to tell us about yours." He told.
"Yeah I would like that thanks." I told as I rubbed my hands on the dress to help it stop being sweaty.
"Hi I'm Lucy as you all know. I've been sober for 2 months now and it is so hard not to fall back into the pattern. But I use the techniques that I've learnt with all you that I'm able to stop myself from doing it. My dad was close to finding out about it and I felt this sense of dread rise in me but he didn't. It was so terrifying, I even held my breath for so long to help stop time. But I'm going to get better. Next meeting I'm even going to give all my blades up to Pastor Ryan before the meeting."
"That's excellent to hear. River would you like a go now?"
"Uh sure...."
"That's why you look familiar. You were with those two guys who are apart of the feds. What your trying to listen to our secrets? Find out which one of us are murdering the girls?" A girl who was called Meg told.
"I am apart of the fbi yes. But I'm not here for that and they do not want to listen in on the meetings. I'm here because I want to be."
"What, like you know what it feels like to be in our shoes?"
"You don't want people knowing your depressed because it makes you feel like shit....sorry, it makes you feel terrible, like you don't deserve to be happy because if you were then you wouldn't be in this black void of nothing. So you don't tell people because they won't get it or you feel worse seeing them become sad and worried about you. I'm here because I want to be here.....because I need to be here."
"I heard you talking to Pastor Sven. Your a dr, of course you what to say to make us feel like we can trust you. Like you actually know."
I took a deep breath before pushing my hair that was in my face away and dragged my hand down knowing what I will have to say to get them to trust me again.
"My name is River Finley, and I am 10+ years sober. About 18 and four months as of yesterday actually."
"You don't look old enough for it to have been that long."
"That's because I started it when I was 8."
"Do you want to tell the group why? We've all done it here." Pastor Ryan told.
"You guys have?"
"Even I did it before I found the lord and he helped me overcome it. So now I help all the lost souls become found souls."
"Well it started when I was 8. Was somewhat a normal family, had a mum and father like most people do, even an older brother. That changed when my mother was murdered and my father had me help him find clues to find out who killed her. The killer is out of the picture now but even though we got justice he wasn't the same. He died about a month after....he was shot. At the age of 8 my whole family was gone, mum was kill, father was killed and my brother....well he isn't in the picture anymore. So I began to cut myself in places that no one would ever see unless I was completely naked which hasn't happened in a long time. My therapist let me live with her till I finished school which was only 2 more years thankfully since I could leave my home town for uni at the age of 10. I've been good and haven't felt the need to cut myself to make me feel anything and to see that I'm still human until yesterday. An officer by the name of Bob Dylan thought I was a civilian and didn't believe me because 'this isn't agent looking' and I 'should dress like it more.' I told one of my friends that I was fine when I knew he wasn't fine and didn't want me to feel like he was allowed to make that comment. So when I got back to where I'm staying I got out of my outfit and went to the nearest open shop and brought pants to make me look like an agent. I even separated my clothes into two piles so I didn't have to be tempered by seeing them. And since then I've kept telling my self I was fine and each time I've been getting closer and closer to ruining the 21 years of hard work. My friends don't know and I can tell they are worried about me more now then ever. I just feel like I'm a disappointment to them and I hate it so much." I told as I began to cry into my hands.
I had some hands rub my back and offer me tissues which I accepted and told them thank you.
"Sorry. I haven't been to one of these since I was 9."
"It's all right. River we would like you to stand in the middle of the circle." Pastor Ryan told.
I gave a nod and walked into the centre as I looked over at him.
"Now. I would like everyone to say something they like about her outfit. I'll even start. I like that fact that the colour blue makes your eyes light up. Ok next person."
One by one everyone began to tell me nice things and the tears began to roll down my face.
"Now I think River needs a great big hug from the group. Bring it in!" He told as everyone got up and wrapped their arms around me.
"I saw the outfit you were wearing." Meg told as everyone pulled away.
"I figured that was the case."
"You know. That officer is a giant dick for thinking you don't rock this look."
"Thanks Meg."
We all sat back down and I was taught their techniques to help deal with stopping myself from cutting and I could tell Spencer was listening in very closely and was writing the steps down so he could remember them. We stayed like this for another hour till the meeting was done.
"Alright found souls. Today we all did good. We even helped our new friend feel like she didn't need to break her streak which is wonderful. I will see you all at the same time in a few days. And what is it that I always say?"
"If they can't love you like the Lord can, then they don't need you in their lives, because your a found soul." Everyone told which made me smile.
"Excellent. Now go be joyful in the world for I love you all like the lord does."
Everyone began to leave and I knew they were going to question me about it minus Spencer.

("I am so sorry River! Here let me help you get cleaned up."
"Spencer it's fine. Thankfully it was lukewarm, I'm going to go wash this out of my outfit and I'm just thankful it's one of my workout outfits."
"I'll go grab you another set of clothes."
I was getting changed in the bathroom when the door was opened while I was in my underwear and bra.
"Hey River I got you a new shirt and tights and......I am so sorry I thought you were just going to use a face wash to wet the areas first I am so sorry." He told as he instantly looked up at the roof.
"Spencer. It's fine I trust you and besides you've most likely seen your fair share of quick changes with your co-workers."
"I still feel bad about it. Well I'm just going to leave your things here and......"
I turned my head to look at him again and saw him looking at me with a scared look.
"Spence?"
"How long?"
"How long what?"
"How long were you going to keep that you cut yourself hidden River?" He asked as he moved closer to see the scars that covered my right waist.
"I don't cut myself....."
"River I know what they look like and this is definitely what these scars are.....you do it on your thigh as well?! These could get infected or you could die if you hit an artery just right!" He exclaimed and I instantly knew he was scared to lose me.
"Spencer....."
"Where do you keep all your blade I'm getting rid of them now?"
"Spencer look at me. Look at meeeee!"
"River I'm trying to help you. I don't want to come back from a case to find out you killed yourself or are in hospital for nearly doing so."
"And you won't. I've been clean since I was around 9. Trust me I am perfectly fine."
"9?"
"Yeah. It's a complicated story that I will tell you sometime but right now I need one thing."
"What is it?"
"I need you to get out so I can change."
"Right on it."
"And Spencer."
"Yeah?"
"Thank you for caring about me so much."
"Always River. When you get out I'll even tell you why I cover my arms most of the time. Just so we are fair."
"Ok star ship ranger.")

I walked out of the church and began to make my way back to the hotels when I saw Meg.
"Hey. Do you need me to walk you back home? It is getting pretty late."
"I should be good. Besides I can fight." She told as she playfully punched my arm.
"You bring the fear into people."
"Look I'm sorry I basically said you didn't belong there. We have just all been so scared about the recent killings and they were all apart of our group."
"I thought the first one wasn't apart of your group but a different one?"
"She has just recently joined. Something about not feeling safe in her old one."
"Right. Well thank you Meg and get home safe now."
"Same to you."
"Oh wait!" I exclaimed as I began to dig for my wallet and pulled out my number for her. "Just in case you ever need to talk or to check up or if you need help."
"Thanks Dr. what are you a doctor in anyway?"
"Psychology, mathematics, humanities and sociology. Also have a BA in philosophy, chemistry, engineering, biology and music."
"Wow. How old are you any how cause you look great for your age?"
"I'm 29."
"Shit. What are you some sort of robot?"
"I'm what's known as a child prodigy. Have a eidetic memory but people usually don't know what that is so I call it a photographic memory to help people understand. That and big tough word." I told as I began to smile when I could feel Spencer said it at the same time as me.
"You are something River."
"I'm nothing special. But I will let you head off and be the found soul that you are." I told as I began to take a few steps away and she began to smile.
"Your already talking like Pastor Ryan!"
"What can I say?! The mans got some cool sayings!"
I continued to walk to the hotel and could feel I wasn't being followed.
'Maybe the unsub didn't target me. Great.'
I stopped in my tracks and could sense I was being watched.
'Or they did.'
Before I could look around a person came sprinting out of the forest in front on me.
"MEG?!"
"River run!" She exclaimed.
'Shit!'
I ran up to her and grabbed her hand as I began to bolt towards the hotel.
"Guys the unsub is after us! They went to target Meg and well she ran out in front of me." I told to my wrist.

"Where are you?!"

"Like a block away from the hotel."

"We are on the way now!"

"Thanks Spence!"
'This is not how I thought this would go.'