Choni one shots

174: The One Where Toni Deals With Grief

CHERYL POV:

I never thought I would be walking down the halls of Riverdale High again. It's homecoming and I had nothing better to do because I never really went to college. I've just been in Chicago working my ass off with Veronica. Before you ask, no we aren't together. "Cheryl?" I turn around to see Toni. She ended up being held back Senior year. A lot of kids that came from Southside high did. It's not their fault they just didn't get much of an education. It didn't help that a lot of trauma hit some of them earlier last year. "Hey!" I smile. "What are you doing here?" She ask. "I thought I would come home for homecoming and surprise you." She smiles. I hand her the flowers. "Do you want me to bring those by your trailer and put them in something so you don't have to carry them around?" I ask pulling her closer. "That would be great." I pull her into a kiss. The bell rings interrupting our moment. "I have... a thing! I'll see you later." She kisses my cheek and leaves.

I get onto the back of Toni's truck. "What were you talking about earlier?" I ask sitting next to her. She looks out at the water. "I don't really want to talk about it." I look at her. "You still haven't taken his jacket off his chair." She looks at me. "It's just hard not having Sweet Pea here, especially after you graduated." She whispers. "I've been ahhh... seeing the school psychologist. I thought I was gonna be ok, but the anniversary of his death was last week, I didn't even get out of bed." She explains. I take her hand. "I didn't want to have this conversation in the middle of the hallway and no one knows I go so talking about it would have been to much." I nod. "It get it. How's it going?" I ask. "It's fine. I see her instead of study hall." I look at her. "I don't need study hall I just needed another year." I nod. "I know." I kiss the top her head. "Besides seeing the psychologist, how's everything going?" I ask quietly. "I haven't been sleeping well. I just wake up in the middle of the night and don't go back to sleep."

I lie down next to Toni. She's already asleep. I'm still like an hour behind everyone and it's only 2 am. "No!" Toni groans in her sleep. I look over and realize she's covered in sweat. "Sweet Pea!" She jumps up. "Hey!" I pull her close. She looks at me. "He's gone and it's all my fault!" She starts crying. I don't know what happened the night Sweet Pea died, it stayed between Toni, Sweet Pea, Fangs, Jughead and the person the caused Sweet Pea to die. I honestly think it was Penny Peabody.

TONI POV:

I walk into the psychologist office. "How are you today Toni?" I sit down. "I thought I would be fine with my girlfriend being home because she's my safe place and I don't mean that like I rely on her! It just makes life safer when she's around." I explain. She looks at me. "Are you ready to talk about what happened?" She ask quietly. "I don't- I don't know." She looks at me. "Well let's start small. What caused you guys to be where you were the night Sweet Pea died?" She ask. "Tensions between the Serpents and Ghoulies. We were walking home from the Wyrm and a bunch of Ghoulies came and started some shit with us. Sweet Pea is the shortest of tempered out of the 4 of us. He was the first to break and it just caused more problems than it should have. I saw it happening! I knew something was gonna happen to him and I did nothing." I explain to her. "Why didn't you?" She ask quietly. "Because I panicked. I watched the gun be drawn and I fucking panicked." I take a deep breath. "What would you have done if you didn't panic?" She ask. "I don't know, I wouldn't have let him die that's for a fact!" She nods. "You would have taken the bullet for him and I probably would have been in the same situation with him. Yes his death could have been prevented but it might have caused someone else to die! I don't know that for a fact but from the police report and what you and everyone else has said someone else was gonna die that night." She explains to me. "He was supposed to make it would of here on the football scholarship he's had for 3 years! He wasn't supposed to die here! Not so young at least!" I almost yell. "So instead you die, leaving all your friends and girlfriend who loves you more than you'll ever know? What about your future?" She ask. I look at her. "I worked with Cheryl after her brother died." I nod.

I sit down at Sweet Pea's grave. "I'm sorry." I whisper. "I could have stopped it. I should have stopped it!" I say starting to cry.

CHERYL POV:

I walk into Toni's trailer. I basically live here to but it's only when I come to visit so I don't really consider this place mine. I walk into the kitchen and see Sweet Pea's jacket. "She really hasn't touched it since you left it here." I whisper.

Toni sighs. "What?" I ask quietly. "Sweet Pea left his jacket here. I'll get it to him later." She says walking over to me. I pull her into a kiss. "What?" She ask smiling. "I love you." I whisper. "I love you too." She smiles.

"Toni?" I call out. Nothing. I walk into the bedroom and she's not there or the bathroom. I take a deep breath. I walk out and see Fangs. "Sorry. I just came in to see if she had any milk." I nod. "Do you know where she is?" I ask. "Cemetery. She usually goes to see Sweet Pea's grave after school. She didn't go yesterday because you were obviously home so she might be there longer than usual. And before you go and try to be there for her. She needs that alone time. It's actually been helping her a lot." I nod. "Do you know if Kevin is in town?" He ask. "I haven't seen him." He nods. I look at him. "Milk is in the top left on the door." He nods. "Don't tell Toni." I smile. He leaves and I go to Veronica's. "She isn't sleeping." I whisper. Veronica hands me a glass of wine. "She still has Sweet Pea's jacket where it was left! She isn't ok." I whisper. "Have you thought about getting her some help?" She ask. "She's seeing the school psychologist!" I tell her. "I saw her when Jason died and when everything happened with my parents. I'm still not perfect, but I've moved on." I explain. "Cheryl, she's not you. She handles things differently than you." She tells me. "She's 19, I'm not here legal guardian, I can't force her to see a therapist." I whisper. "But you can talk to her about it." I nod. "You're right. But I don't know if she's gonna listen." She shrugs. "How's Fangs and Jughead?" She ask. "Fangs seems ok. I don't really know about Jug that's question for Betty." She nods. "I still haven't really talked to her." I nod. "I know."

"Toni!" I pull her to the bed. "Can we talk about everything?" I ask seriously. "I'm fine! I just need time." I shake my head. "You haven't slept since Sweet Pea died. You blame yourself for it even though you know you shouldn't. Toni you need help and not just a school psychologist." I tell her. "I-I'm fine." She whispers about to cry. "Toni..." I look at her. I cup her cheeks. "You need help and you know it." She leans into me. She breaks down crying.

TONI POV:

I look at Sweet Pea's jacket. "I can't get rid of it." I whisper looking at Cheryl. "I'm not asking you to! You should put it somewhere safe so it's not a daily reminder that he's gone." She explains. I nod. "I need a box." I say quietly. She hands me one. "Can you at least let me stall for a minute?" She shakes her head. "I know you loved Sweet Pea. But you need to let him go." She whispers. "You're not over Jason's death!" I say. "Toni, he was my brother and I don't let myself get depressed over him. I've let him go! Yeah I think about him all the time! But I don't blame myself." She tells me. "You didn't have to save him! You didn't know!" I yell. "Toni, I let him leave, I let my father find him. I could have stopped it. But he's gone and there's nothing I can do about it now so I have no choice to move on. Do I think about how I could have done some stuff differently? Yeah! But I don't let it control my life." She takes my hands. "Can I go see him everyday?" I ask quietly. "Of course. I see Jason every time I'm home." I nod. "You'll be ok." She whispers.