Choni one shots

141: The One Where Toni Relapsed

TONI POV:

"You ok?" Cheryl ask quietly. "Yeah." I lie. "Toni?" I look at her. "What?" I ask quietly. "You're not." I sit so I'm facing her. "Cheryl I need to come clean about something." I whisper. "Wait are you actually sleeping with Veronica because I was kidding." I shake my head. "Cheryl I haven't been sober." I whisper. She looks at me so disappointedly. "I thought you stopped." I look down. "I might have to." I say quietly. "Why?" She ask. "My dealer just shot himself." I confess. "And now I'm scared that when I run out of drugs I'm gonna fucking die." I whisper my voice shaking. "I think I need to go to rehab." I say quietly. "I'm sorry." I whisper. "Can I ask what drugs?" She ask concerned. "Anything I can get my hands on." I tell her. "What are you worried about running out of?" She ask. "Heroin and weed. Anything I can get my hands on like I said." I whisper. "Except Meth, I don't feel like losing teeth."

"My father killed himself, along with my dealer and the only person I have right now is my girlfriend." I tell my therapist. "What about your mom?" She ask quietly. I shake my head. "She died giving birth to me." I whisper. "I'm sorry." I shrug. "That's life." I say quietly. "How haven't you been put into foster care?" She ask quietly. "My dad was waiting for me to turned 18." I whisper. "I don't think he wanted to put my through that." I add. "But instead he killed himself?" I nod. "Yeah. But now I don't have to deal going foster care. I'm 23 now." I whisper. "Where have you been living?" She ask quietly. "My girlfriends house." I say bitting my lip. "Does she know? About the drugs?" I nod. "She was the one who found me when I overdosed." I say ashamed of myself. "Which time?" She ask. "Just this time." I whisper. "I really don't know how she hasn't broken up with me and I'm scared that the reason she hasn't is because of my drug issues." I say trying to rap my head around everything.

"Why haven't you broken up with me?" I ask quietly. Cheryl looks up from her food. "Because, I love you." She smiles. "Cheryl you walked in on me overdosing on heroin. How are you still with me?" I ask. "Because I love you no matter hell you put me through." She tells me. "Eat up! You have to get to a meeting." She whispers. I nod and finish my food. We go to the NA meeting Cheryl's with me for support oddly enough to support me with the support I'm trying to get. "Hi I'm Toni. I'm 42 days sober and 2 days out of rehab." I say not really knowing what to do. "Sometimes I feel like the drugs are the only thing to numb my pain I caused myself to have. I don't know." I whisper the last part. "I used to be the star athlete. I used to be happy, I used to have everything."

It's Betty's birthday and Veronica planned a party for her. I didn't want to go but Cheryl made me go. "You drink beer?" Veronica ask quietly. "No!" I say. "I'll spiral." I whisper. "I would like to stay clean for as long as possible." She nods. "Forgot. How was rehab?" She ask. "Fine. I mostly went through withdrawal and cried my way through the whole thing." I say. "I'm sorry." I shrug. "They have me off my antidepressants until they can really trust me with any drugs." I whisper. "What about college? You going back?" She ask quietly. I shake my head. "No, I dropped out." I say awkwardly. "Why?" She ask concerned. "It was too much." I say quietly. "You can always call me if you need help." I nod. "Yeah. I might have to." She smiles. "If you need to me to come to the next meeting I'll go." She whispers. "Last time you were my sponsor it didn't really end well." I say before walking away. I sit next to Cheryl. "I want to go home." I whisper in her ear. "Can we?" I ask her. "A few more minutes." She says taking my hand. "I need some air." I say realizing I feel like I might suffocate. I get up and go to the porch. "Hey Jug." I say sitting next to him. "Hey man." He looks at me. "How's FP doing?" I ask quietly. "Good." He whispers. "How are you doing?" He ask quietly. "Worse than when I overdosed and was in the hospital for a week." I say. "I can't take any fucking meds because my therapist is concerned it might lead to more." He nods. "I'm sorry." He whispers. "It's whatever." I say quietly. "Do you have a cigarette?" I ask looking at him. "Yeah." He nods. I wait for for him to give it to me. "That's when you give one to me." I say quietly. "Right." He hands me one. "Light?" He hands that to me too. I quickly light the cigarette and hand the lighter to him. "Cheryl doesn't know you smoke." I shrug. "She does but we don't talk about it." I whisper. "How are the meetings going?" He ask quietly. "It's going fine." I say quietly. "This is the first time I've gotten out of bed all week." He says. "You're depressed again?" He nods. "Damn." He nods. "You ok?" I ask him. "I've been worse." I nod. "You're gonna be ok." I whisper. "I know." He smiles. I see Cheryl about to come out and I quickly put the cigarette out. I pop a mint into my mouth and stand up. "Hey." I smile. I don't look at her. "Let's go home." She kisses my cheek. "Yeah." I nod. We go to the car where it's nice and quiet. "I have a surprise for you." She whispers. I look at her. "The only thing is I don't know how you're gonna take it." She plays with my shirt. "What?" My heart starts racing. "That one night you were in the hospital and we had sex because apparently that's what people do." I smile a little. "Anyways I haven't gotten my period in a month." She looks at me. "I took a test and I'm pregnant." My heart drops. I lean against the car. "I know this isn't good timing." She rubs my cheeks. "It's not, but when would it be the right time?" I ask quietly. "I'm just scared that you're gonna relapse and our kid is gonna find you." I nod. "This is all my fault." I whisper. "No it's not!" She says quietly. "What are we gonna do?" She ask quietly. "What do you want to do?" I ask quietly. "I think no matter what your drug issues and everything, I think we would be to young to have a kid we haven't even talked about marriage." She whispers. "Do you want to?" I ask quietly. "Eventually." She smiles. "But what are we gonna do? It's your call." She shrugs. "I don't know." She whispers. "We don't have a lot of time. You know, if you want to I'm not trying to tell you what to do or anything." I tell her. "I just need to think about it for a bit." I nod. "I just don't want the same thing that happened to my mother to happen to you." I whisper holding back tears. "You're the only good thing I have and it's stupid I know. But I love you and I've fucked up so much and I really don't know how you're still with me but I can't lose you." She nods. "I'm not gonna die. We're gonna be ok." She pulls me into a hug and I start crying. "I love you." She whispers in my ear. "And you're stuck with me."

"I thought last time I sponsored you it didn't end well." Veronica says quietly. I sit down in front of her and she hands me a cup of coffee. "It's 2 o'clock in the morning." I whisper. "Yeah, you're right." She starts drinking it. "Why did you call me?" She ask. "I ahh... it's been a week since I got out of rehab and I feel worse than the last time I got out." I tell her. "Have you talked to Cheryl?" She ask quietly. "No, she has enough going on." I whisper. "What do you mean?" She ask concerned. "She's pregnant." I whisper. "Wow congrats." She smiles. "I don't think so." I say quietly. "I can't stay clean." I whisper.

CHERYL POV:

"Toni what happened?" I ask her. She looks at me. "I relapsed 2 weeks after getting out of rehab." She explains. "Remember our first date?" I look at her. "You kissed me and we started to make out." I smile. "Remember how I ran out quietly?" She says laughing quietly. "Yeah. I know you came in your pants." She looks down. We both laugh quietly. "I'm sorry that you have to see my like this again." She whispers sadly. "You have to stop." I take her hand. "I'm not gonna threaten to leave you because that's stupid. But I'm starting to reach a breaking point." I whisper. She nods. "I get it." I take a deep breath. The doctor comes in. "Ms. Blossom, can I talk to you outside?" I look at Toni and she nods. "Yeah." I get up and walk out. I close the door. "I have some terrible news." He says sadly. "Her liver is ahh... shutting down and at this point there isn't anything we can do about it." I look down. "What about a transplant?" I ask. "At this rate we and how long the waiting list it might be to late but we can try." I nod. "Do you know if she can go home?" I ask. "I'm not sure but I still have to talk to her." I stop the doctor from walking into Toni's room. "How long does she have?" I ask quietly. "Not long. A couple of months to a year." I look at Toni.

"Cheryl what's gonna happen to me?" Toni ask scared out of her mind. "I don't- I don't know baby." I take her hand. "What about our baby?" She ask quietly. I sit closer. "We're gonna raise this kid and be happy and live happily ever after." I whisper. "Let's get married." She whispers. "We don't know how long I have. We should get married before it's to late." She says sitting up a little. I look down. No one has told Toni how long she has. "Toni..." I wipe my tears. "We should get married." I nod. "I need you to take care of everything medically." She whispers. I nod.

Yesterday Toni and I got married. It's been a few weeks and she's not doing any better. Toni looks at me. "What?" I smile. She hands me a bunch of papers. "This is umm... what I want done after I die." She whispers. "What if you survive?" I ask her. She shakes her head. "I'm not." Toni says holding back tears. "I have less than a year to live and I'm stuck in the this fucking hospital bed for the rest of it." She whispers. "Yesterday was nice and it's probably the last time I'm gonna see sunlight. I've made peace with that." She tells me. "You're gonna be ok! Our baby is gonna be ok. We, are gonna be ok! Because you're here and you're gonna stay here." I kiss her. "I love you Cheryl!" She whispers. "But I don't- I know how much longer I can go." She tells me. I pull her into a kiss and sit on the bed. "We're gonna be ok." I tell her. "Cheryl, I love you." I smile. "I love you too baby."

The next few months were like this. Toni didn't get to see her 24th birthday, she didn't get to see her daughter being born, she never found out I was having a daughter. I never got to see Toni truly sober or happy, I'll never stop loving her even if I meet someone which I doubt I'll always love her. I don't know how I'm gonna go on, but I'll figure it out. I know she doesn't want me to dwell on her. Trust me she would give me so much shit if I did. "Cheryl?" I look at Veronica. "What's wrong?" She ask looking down at Toni's grave. "She was to young." I whisper. "Well, yeah! Everyone who dies before the age of 70 dies to young in my opinion." She whispers. "Yeah, but she wasn't even close to her 24th birthday. She didn't get to see her daughter be born that's what makes me sad the most." I say quietly. "Yeah." She whispers. "Remember Junior Prom?" She ask quietly. "Remember how we all went in a group because none of us wanted to admit we were in any relationship?" She smiles. "Yeah." She laughs quietly. "What are you gonna tell your daughter?" She ask concerned. "I don't know. But I'll need you to help me." She nods. "Of course." She smiles. "What are you gonna name her?" She ask. "Probably Toni. I'm not gonna put her through the pain of being called Antoinette on the first day of school and stuff. I know Toni hated being called Antoinette. I'll figure it out." I explain. "Hopefully." She nods. "You will." She whispers. "Do you need a ride to Pops?" She ask. "You drove me here so yes." She smiles. "Come on." She whispers. I take a last look at Toni's grave and follow Veronica.