Secrets and Desires

Chapter 11

Morgan POV... I didn't know that when I called JJ, my heart would feel like it was been ripped out of my chest... I don't think I fully realized or even understood how much I loved Reid until now...I couldn't help but cry as I listened to JJ... I couldn't believe that my PB didn't want me anymore... Yes it hurt that he slept with Emily, yes it hurt that he wasn't sorry ,but what hurt the most was knowing I hurt him so bad, that he wanted to leave the unit.. I didn't want him to leave, bc even though it would hurt seeing him, if I didn't see him, my soul, my heart would slowly die.. I would rather see him and be in pain, then not to see him and be in worst pain... Although I wanted to talk to him, I couldn't bc I gave my word to JJ and my word is my bond... I went to the head to wash my face bc babygirl didn't need to see me like this.. I replayed JJ words again and again in my head... I couldn't help but wonder why Emily didn't call me when Reid called her.. Maybe she was afaird bc the whole team know, Reid don't drink often, so maybe that scared her enough to just go to him.. But why would she drink with him once she got there? That I didn't understand.. And another factor is she was happy for Reid and I when we got together.  I know Emily inside out and I know she wouldn't hurt either of us intentionally... But I also knew, from my countless one night stands, mixed with liquor, shit happens... I didn't blame Emily or Reid, bc when you summed everything up, none of this wouldn't happened if I hadn't grabbed Michelle hand that last time for that last dance of revenge.. I fucked us up, I thought..I sat on the toilet and broke completely down bc I single handed lost the most important person to me... I'm so sorry PB I thought crying hard... I continued crying and then my phone beeped.. I looked at it and saw PB had just messeged me