kai parker imagines

alone // kai parker

your p.o.v.

today is november 21st, 2020. my mother's one year death anniversary. i don't think i've ever missed her or needed her more than i do right now.

kai was only one call away whenever i was sad or needed a shoulder to cry on. when we broke up two months ago, i lost the only person that i could trust and open up to. all i wanted was to talk to my mom about all of my problems, or for kai to just hold me. make it all go away, even for a short while.

i regret everything that happened two months ago. everything i said to kai. everytime i ever hurt him. i regret walking out of that door, even though he asked me to. i should've stayed, we could've worked out our problems and maybe he'd be here with me.

but the pain that my mothers death brought upon me, especially on this particular day was unbearable. i couldn't breathe and i felt my chest tightening.

i tried to call out for someone, anyone. but i was alone in this house. "please!" i begged, yelling loudly. "come back!"

my back leaned against the wall, my facd buried in my hands that were shaking. i didn't know what to do.

i only thought of one person to call, but i was afraid. i assumed he didn't want to talk to me. he probably hates me, for all i know. i decided to risk it, anyway. the least i could do is text him.

pulling up my messages, i looked at the other times i've texted kai within these past two months. there weren't many that i sent, but the ones i did, he had left on read and ignored.

sighing, i began to tap my keyboard, erasing the words every few seconds. making this simple message took ages, my hands still shaking slightly.

kai

hi, kai. i know you probably don't
want to hear from me but i was
wondering if we could talk. i really
miss you. please call me if you can.

i hit send as a tear slid down my cheek. kai read the message instantly, but the tears fell faster and faster as i never saw the little chat bubble indicating that he was typing appear.

sobbing, i threw my phone at the wall, hearing the glass crack and shatter. i grabbed the first thing i could find and began smashing it into the ground. a picture of my mother, kai and i when he first met her.

"shit," i mumbled, picking up the picture and trying my best to avoid the broken pieces of glass. "no no no," i cried, holding the picture in my hands.

i was now screaming. i don't know how much more of this i could handle.

"y/n?!" stefan said, barging into the room. i didn't stop crying or tone it down, i stayed the exact same, yelling in pain.

he ran to my side, sitting next to me. "i can't do this anymore," i sobbed, "i need kai.. he hates me, stefan. kai hates me.. he wants nothing to do with me and it's all my fault.." i rambled and he pulled me in for a hug.

i wrapped my arms around him, trying to pretend that he was kai. but he's so different. different smell, different warmth. nothing cohld compare to kai's touch.

he shushed me as i cried into his chest, probably staining his shirt. "i miss kai," my lip trembled as i shut my eyes, trying to breathe, just like he taught me.

stefan sat with me for a while, just until i had stopped crying so much. he was meant to leave an hour ago. "do you need anything before i leave?" he asked and i shook my head. "i can stay if you need me."

i shook my head again. "go," i said with a weak smile, my voice hoarse.

"you need some water, got it," stefan said as he left my room, making his way to the kitchen. i avoided the glass and made my way to the bed, crawling beneath the sheets. stefan placed the glass of water on my bedside table. "call me if you need anything," he said, and i nodded, watching him leave.

i waited until i heard the engine roar to life and his car drive away before i began to cry and shake again. i held the picture of the three of us close to me, my hand grazing over the printed photo.

i heard knocking on the door. "you can come in, stefan," i said, quickly wiping my tears. my eyes widened when i saw kai standing against the doorframe, a sad look on his face.

"can i come in?" he asked, since i technically only granted permission for stefan's entrance. i slowly nodded and my eyes followed him as he made his way over to me.

he sat on the edge of my bed, folding his hands awkwardly.

i tried to keep quiet, only a few tears sliding down my face, but the longer he was here, the more i felt like crying. his head snapped up when he heard a sob escape my lips.

"oh, y/n.." he said, pulling me into his embrace. god, i missed this. his scent filled my nose and his hug felt like home.

"i'm sorry, kai.. today just.." i stuttered, not really knowing what to say.

"tell me how i can make it better," he whispered, holding my hand.

"please don't leave yet," i said, resting my head on his chest. "and hold me."

without further question, he leaned back and rubbed his hand up and down my back. it's crazy how a simple person could feel so much like home.

"i promise you don't have to talk to me after this.." i said shyly. "you can leave if you want to."

he turned his head slightly to look at me. "i'm not leaving you, y/n."

"i'm okay."

"no, you're not," he said, gently wiping a tear off of my cheek. "i'm not leaving you, y/n. i'm sorry that i never texted or called or.. god. that was an idiot move. but i promise, i'm here and i won't leave you again."

"if you want to leave after i fall asleep, you can. this is your last chance," i told him and he smiled.

"i'm okay with being stuck with you," he smiled cheekily, and for a split second, all traced of sadness left my body.