Sirius Black's Twin

Sacrifices

"Look at zem," Estelle said heavily, sitting on the porch of Lyra's house, leaning against Will's chest. She could feel his heart beating against her back, slow and steady. He was comfortable. "Zey are beautiful, no?"

Will followed her gaze to the stars that littered the ink black sky. They were beautiful, but Will never actually given them much thought - it must be a girl thing. Will shrugged awkwardly. "Yeah, I guess."

"You don't appreciate zem now," Estelle said. "But for some, it is the last thing they'll ever see. I am just glad zey are so beautiful."

Will felt uneasy. "What do you mean the last thing they'll ever see?"

"Not the last thing I'll ever see," Estelle said. "But probably for someone else..."

"Why would you think something like that, Estelle?" Will asked. "We're safe. We don't need to worry about stuff like that."

Estelle blinked slowly up at the stars, her blue eyes glimmering beautifully. "Zey were ze last zing my seester seen."

"I didn't know you had a sister," Will said.

"I never talk about 'er," Estelle said, her voice very thick. "She was only seex when it happened."

"When what happened?" Will said softly, tightening his grip around Estelle's waist.

"When she died," Estelle said. "'Er name was Michelle. She was such a cute leettle zing, even when she was sick she still glowed with child-like beauty. And it never 'ad anyzing to do with 'er being part veela."

Will stayed silent. Estelle had told him a lot of stuff about her life in France, but she never once mentioned having a sister - especailly one that died. Estelle never really opened up like this before, now that Will thought about it, she had always been free with showing her feelings - but she never exactly spoke about them.

"She was a beet spoiled," Estelle laughed throatily. "But zat was my fault, I guess. I gave 'er everyzing she ever asked for. She would ring a leetle bell I gave 'er and I would come running to 'er bed. She was so sweet and innocent, I doubt she even knew 'ow serious 'er condition was - me nor mama nor papa 'ad ze 'eart to tell 'er."

Estelle craned her neck back so that her ink black hair spilled over her shoulders and the moon made her skin glow tranclucently. She was looking at the stars hungrily, as though imagining her sister's face and wanting to sink in ever detail of it.

"No doctor could tell us what was wrong with 'er," Estelle said. "No one knew. I doubt anyone cared. My mozer turned down a lot of male suitors and zey became resentful. Deedn't even care zat 'er youngest daughter was on ze brink of death. I tried everyzing, I promised everyzing. All I wanted was my healthy seester back."

Will held Estelle's small hand. Estelle laced her fingers in his.

"It deedn't work," Estelle said. "She was gone by ze next year. We were both lying in our backyard staring at the stars - I deedn't appreciate their beauty but Michelle was absorbed in them. Zey were ze last theeng she seen."

"Why are you telling me this?" Will said. "Why now?"

"Because," Estelle turned so that she looked Will right in the eye. "You feel resentment towards your seester. You despise that she caused you your face. But you had somezing I never did 'ave - you 'ad a chance to save her. And you did save her, Weell. You saved her but you regret zat you did."

"No I-," Will protested.

"Yes, you do," Estelle whispered. "I see it in your eyes every time she looks at you and smiles. I see it every time you catch your reflection."

Will glared at a spot above Estelle's head. What she was saying was true, but that didn't mean Will had to like it.

"You are lucky, Weell," Estelle whispered. "but zis is a war. You'll 'ave to make sacrifices - much beegger zen what you made for your seester. You won't be able to save everyone Weell, but at least cherish ze fact that you saved your 'er."

Will's eyes focused on Estelle, but he didn't actually see her. Instead he saw Lynx, bloody and sprawled on a stone floor, deathly pale and not breathing. He had nightmares about the people he loved dying, but somehow Estelle's words slapped him into reality, his innocence stripped away from him. He felt like Lyra had pulled the curtains open in his room to get him to wake, and the sun would beam down on his eyelids that refused to be opened - the feeling was harsh, unpleasent, but impossible to ignore.

This was a war. People will die. And who said that he couldn't be next? Who said that Lynx couldn't be? No one said this - wars were chaos and impossible to be able to predict. But Estelle was right - Will would make sacrifices, and he had to be ready.

You'll have to make sacrifices - much bigger than what you made for your sister.