OVERCOME

<10>

Dear Can,                                                                      You probably won't read this and tear it up like the last letter I wrote. If you do, that's fine, if not it will help me to move on and confess my feelings.                                                  As hard as it is, I need to let you go. So many things that I have done has caused me to loose myself along the way. I don't know who that person is anymore. I have hurt you the most.                                                                           At the beginning, I run away from you because of the lies. And feel you never forgiven me. I was so afraid that you would hate me. People always would tell me that you never stayed in one place. I refused to listen, but in the end it was true you left. And I stayed. Believe me please, there is and never will be any regrets for falling deeply in Love with you. But, it was me the messed up everything between us. I can't tell you enough how sorry I am for the hurt I caused you. With so many obstacles and so many people that blocked us from being together,  in which they succeeded. This brings me to the next point. Well, I am done competing! I sat and watched the women in your life try their best to be with you. In which you enjoyed the attention. There is nothing wrong with that. We all want attention in some form. What hurt me the most was you let them. I had to stand there many of times and hold myself together, but when it came to me you would not let anyone do that to me.                                                                               I chose to listen to my heart, know my worth and stand up for what I believe in. I need to stop comparing myself to other women and  work on my own image. I can no longer let what is happening on the outside stop me from being whole on the inside. There is no easy journey to get to a place of forgiving people. I have to forgive myself first. But, you know it will be a powerful place once there because it frees you. Everyday is a new beginning. Which that I chose to take a deep breath and start all over.                                                                    Can, I totally understand that you have abandonment issues. What you experienced in the past, has mirrored that inside you. Sadly, you are doing that to others when the road gets rough. But, until you come to terms with it and change your out look, it will continue. Everyone is not out to abandon you. All I ask is for you to please work on that and break free. I am so thankful that my parents stayed married. Someone recently told me and hope it helps you, whoever abandons you, it is teaching us how to stand on our own. Anger teaches us forgiveness and compassion. Things that have power over us is teaching us how to take it back. Fear teaches us courage, hate teaches us unconditional Love. And most of all anything we can control is teaching us to let go. Growth doesn't happen by avoiding dark places, it comes from finding light in the shadows. When uncertainty consumes us, we start to drift. We are free to open our hearts to the possibilities. We need to fall into endless trust. Be led where we need to be despite not having the answers. The journey shapes up into meaningful ways. Each step invites  growth that carries strength and wisdom. Fear will keep us where we think we should be, yet faith leads to where we are ment to be.  Don't let fear be your map. Go for that adventure, let diversity led you. I truly hope you will find yourself  whatever direction you choose. You have within you that power that determines your path. Listen to your heart and you will always be home. Life is definitely not easy, but it doesn't mean its impossible. We will break and will find the inner strength to move forward. You are stronger than you think. It's ok to have a tough outlook but refuse to let it hard you on the inside.                                                                So I hope our time apart will help us to take a look inward and heal. You were my first Love and I can't guarantee that you will be my last. This discussion to move on was very had for me. It will take time to get over you, but in time I will be fine. I will push through---- in fact I need to. I plan to embrace all of these past experiences head on and get back to who I was and discover where my path will led. For we lost each other and lost our way. Things went wrong, mistakes and misfortunes happened between us. Nothing last forever, what is broken can be put back together and what hurt us will be healed over time. Tomorrow is a second chance to start fresh. Wipe that clean slate. It's not about endings, its about new beginnings. So this is not a goodbye, but a until we meet again. May Allah be with you wherever you go.                                             Your Friend,                                                                   Sanem