Loving Heart

KABANATA 21

Kabanata 21

Crush

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Nung una ko syang makita, yung may naka banggaan syang babae at sa harap ko pa, wala akong naramdaman. Nakabisa ko agad ang bawat sulok ng mukha nya pero wala akong kahit anong naramdaman.

I'm not that innocent. I love watching tv and reading books so somehow, I know what it means when one person feels strange to another person.

So when I felt something strange about Anton, I knew immediately what it was but I ignored it because I thought it should be ignored. I didn't make it a big deal because I thought it was nothing. I thought it was normal that like everyone else, I also had a crush.

Pero hindi ko kailanman tinawag na crush ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. Dahil awkward para sa akin na pakinggan yon. Hindi pa ako nagkakagusto sa isang lalaki kaya sobrang awkward kung ganon ang itatawag ko sa nararamdaman kong ito.

I don't know when it started. I just felt awkwardness and nervousness towards him. It's not because I'm not comfortable with him but because I already have feelings for him. Hindi ako komportable sa pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko kapag lumalapit sya o kausap ko sya. Hindi man halata sa itsura ko, kinakabahan ako kapag nandyan sya.

I don't know how to properly explain how I feel. But I knew in myself what it is. I have feelings for him. But I will never tell him that! Hanggat kaya kong itanggi, itatanggi ko! Hinding hindi ako aamin!

"What?" Kunot noo kong tanong kay Anton na pinagmamasdan lang ako kanina pa, kinakagat ang labi para pigilan ang ngiti.

He tilted his head and crossed his arms. We're still here outside the coffee shop. Mabuti nalang malayo kami kundi baka pinagtinginan na kami ng mga tao sa loob. Medyo hindi kami kita sa pwesto na ito.

"Are you avoiding me?" Anton asked.

Hindi agad ako nakapag salita. Bahagya akong tumawa para hindi ipahalata ang kaba.

"Bakit naman kita iiwasan?" Tanong ko.

"Iniiwasan mo ako," he was so sure when he said that.

"Huh? Anong sinasabi mo?"

He smirked. Tinagilid nya ulit ang ulo at pinagmasdan ako. Deretso ko syang tinignan, hindi nagpapa apekto sa kaba na binibigay nya sa akin.

"If I can't reply often, sorry. I said I've been busy these past few days," dagdag ko pa.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Oo nga, Anton."

"I called you earlier to order but you ignored me."

My eyes widened. I remember he called me earlier but because I wanted to avoid him, I ignored him! Kunwari hindi ko sya narinig! Pero hindi ko akalain na mahahalata nyang hindi ko talaga sya pinansin!

"Kailan? Hindi kita narinig," pagpapanggap ko at kinunot pa ang noo.

He chuckled. Uminit ang pisngi ko dahil pakiramdam ko hindi sya naniniwala sa akin. Iritado ko syang tinignan.

"Hindi nga kita narinig, Anton," sabi ko.

"Alright," tumango tango sya at kinagat ulit ang labi.

"Ito lang ba ang pag uusapan natin? Kung ito lang papasok na ako sa loob."

"If you're not really avoiding me... then can we talk about what happened that night?" Deretso nyang tanong!

Bahagya akong natigilan. He tilted his head again and observed my reaction. I couldn't speak immediately. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out of it. Lumunok ako at tinignan si Anton na nangingiti habang pinagmamasdan ako.