confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Elphie

There's an uncomfortable silence.
The air seems to run stale, the room is quiet but the silence screams.
Nessa sits at her desk, reading some letters that are piled in front of her.
She still looks terribly unwell, so I'm confused as to why the doctor said she could go back to work.
But I have no medic knowledge.

After a while Nessa looks river at me, slowly she lowers the letter onto the table and sighs.
"You don't need to be here." She says calmly, obviously irritated by my presence, "or are you just waiting for me to drop dead so you can say I told you so?"
I stand up abruptly, horrified that she would think such a thing.
"Nessa!" I gasp "you know that's not true,"
She rolls her eyes at me and continues reading,
"What are they?"
Nessa once again shakily lowers the letter down and tightly clenches her fists.
"It's a letter." She answers bluntly,
"Well I could see that."
"That why did you ask?" She snaps, thumping her fists upon the desk, I'm shocked at the sound.
Nessa suddenly drops her head into her hands and sighs deeply, a sigh that moves her whole body.
"I'm sorry, that wasn't meant for you." She whimpers, her voice cracks and shakes, I'm scared that she'll burst into tears.

Nessarose leans her head to one side, slowing it to rest on only one hand.
She  picks up a different letter with her free hand, she analysis it carefully.
"They're get well soon cards from my staff." Nessa mumbles weakly, "a couple from students,"
I try to perk up my voice a bit.
"See? They missed you." I say cheerily, "I'm sure everything will be fine."
Nessa tilts her head and looks at me cautiously.
"I didn't have any doubts" she whispers shakily, her voice rising is pitch "did you think it wasn't going to be okay?"

I frantically shake my head and my hands, terrified of saying the wrong thing.
"No Ness, I thought you were worried, but there's no need to be."
Nessa shakes her head slowly, almost mimicking me, she stops abruptly and looks about her confused.
"Elphaba, I have no idea what I'm doing," she suddenly bursts into tears "I should go and thank everyone for sending me such lovely letters."
Nessa suddenly looks determined, she pushes herself out from behind her desk and stops in the middle of the floor.
I stand up protectively.
I'm really confused as to what she's doing.
Nessa looks about her.
"I can't, they're teaching." She mumbles defeatedly. "Elphie can you just go home, I need to get my bearings."

I perch myself on the floor in front of her, she looks forlorn, I try to smile though it probably looks dismal.
I reached my hand out and place it gently on hers, my fingertips touch the soft velvet of the arm rests on Nessas chair.
Nessa turns her head away from me drastically as she lets out a deep melancholy sigh.
"Elphaba, I get that your trying to help but I really need to be alone."
I nod slowly, but I have no intention of leaving her here.
I don't think she's okay, I'm suspicious as to why that doctor said she was fine.
"Ness, I can't leave, harley doesn't come back from her vacation until tomorrow."

Nessa looks incredibly frustrated, she turns herself towards her desk and slams her arms into it, allowing her head to once again fall into them.
Nessa sits up and looks around helplessly, I'm collecting mixed signals.
I long to go and help her but I don't want to overstep.
I know I do that a lot, I force myself into her struggles when perhaps she just wants to work them out herself.
I long to have a real go and Frexpar for doing this to her, I bet he still never realised what showering her with unfaltering praise did to her, she never learnt how to fail or how to just be a kid around other people.
She couldn't be the kid she wanted to be, always the child she thought he wanted to see, he spoke so vividly about her that Nessa believed that she had to live up to it.
I want to give him a piece of my mind.

Perhaps I could.
No, it's an absurd idea.
I can't do that spell again.
I mean it would work, as long as Nessa never knows that I borrow the Halen, she wouldn't care, I'm sure she wouldn't.
I'd feel better, knowing that Frex would feel guilty for all he's done.
I used to feel that I killed him myself.
Embarrassed to death because of my deeds, but he himself never confessed to Nessa that it was his fault that mother was poisoned.
I had to tell Nessa myself, she cried so much.
Something that I'm used to by now, but it still hurts all the same.

A few moments pass and Nessa lifts her head up slowly and looks about the rims for me.
I'm foolishly positioned right behind her.
"It's ok Ness, I'm here." I call gently.
She nods her head slowly, though she looks dazed.
"Elphie, can you take me to bed?" She asks hesitantly.
She rarely ever asks me herself, someone always suggests it.
Nessa leans back in her chair unsteadily and I grasp ahold of  the handle on the back and begin to push her into her bedroom.
She doesn't sound right, I can hear her breathing shakily.

We get into her room and I gently lift her into bed.
I look at her intently, feeling like I've forgotten something.
"Oh nessa!" I cry "I've not given you any pyjamas,"
Nessa shrugs and pulls the duvet up, around her shoulders.
"Oh well, not not hurting anyone. It's alright to go if I fall asleep, Harley will be here in the morning."
She smiles at me and closes her eyes, a wave of relief washes over me.